I'm a 46yo guy that has been married (now divorced - 2 kids from 2 different women) and in relationships most of the time.
I met a 24yo girl this late summer in a pub and had a very interesting time. I'm very sarcastic and it seems I come across as very sure of myself, if not arrogant. (I play that card a lot, being from Paris
)
She could take my sarcasm on a first conversation and gave me back some. Awesome !
Left her my number but did not ask for hers (arrogant game, did not think of anything at the time anyways)
Never got a call back (duh) but we eventually met again. And again. And again.
Until October when we were to a club and I kissed her - she let me. We went out a few more times and kissed everytime so I thought that maybe this could lead to something. One night I asked her to come to my place and she strongly declined and told me she'd explained why.
We met a week later and she said it would not have been 'right' and it would have not been sincere. (that sounded really honest and I liked it)
I told her that I liked her and did not think yet where it could potentially lead and was just enjoying the time we had together.
She said that 'she liked what we had but it was it' to explain that she met someone (after our first encounter) and had this intense 1 months relationship with this guy. That month felt like a year she said and it was awesome.
It seems that he dumped her without explainations, just vanished from the planet and left her with no clue why he did so. That was the reason she was not ready to go further with me.
I really understood, and told her to take her time. I was really ready to storm out (my temper) but thought it would be smarter to show my understanding and give her space until she figured things out.
A week later we meet again, and she said that she dealt with it .
We go to a club, take her home ... no need to describe the rest.
Since then, wild weekends, lots of everything ... perfect.
We were separated for xmas and NY as she had to travel back to Moscow (where she's from - but the opposite of the gold digger bimbo type). I also knew she had to spend NY with some guys and another ex and told me there was no chance anything would happen as she would never want to.)
I have complete trust in her, and there was no issues being separated aside from missing each other a lot. (we talked every day)
When she came back, she told me she had received a text from the ex that disappeared after xmas. She did not want to deal with it and pushed it all away. But now she was back, she wanted to meet him to understand what happened and asked me how I would feel about it.
Of course I was scared, but thought that she needed to have a closure. I pushed her there. (OMG, was I stupid ?)
She met him, and sent me a text later saying that nothing happened between them but all emotions came back and needed to be alone for a while.
I was in shock, and could not help but call her. We talked for 3 hours and she told me she cared a lot about me and really had to deal with this.
I initially did not want to talk to her at all, but we *both* kept on chitchatting on Facebook - not talking much about the issue.
One night she said she was so confused, with raw emotions and was planning on being single. Called her, spent hours on the phone and I convinced her to take more time to think.
I was in agony - could not eat and could not sleep. (how could I get so attached so quickly ?!).
And the pain was so much I felt like I had to break up and let her go. (not smart, but at the time that's how I felt).
I told her I wanted to meet and she guessed why, but in the mean time wrote a message explaining she was not choosing 'just' between two men but more two lifestyles.
She had left Russia to live an adventure, study in a different country, make her own life. And with me she felt secure, protected and happy. With the other guy (her age) it would be more like what she wanted, the fear or failing but a chance to succeed).
I thought I had lost her 100% at that stage, it was not just choosing a boyfriend, but I became the dream killer ?
I met her the next day but could not quit anymore, I respected her dreams so much that I had to give her more time thinking that she would leave me. It was cold at first, but felt she was sincerely confused and struggling with everything.
A few hours later I gave her kiss on the cheek, because we could talk so well without getting angry.
That's something important actually, aside from the complete mutual trust, we talk about *everything*.
One thing led to another and we spend the whole night in a jazz club, kissing and hugging like crazy.
We went our separate ways and next day she confirmed she was very happy about what happened, it felt sooooo right to her and had 0 regrets.
She was not thinking about been single anymore, but still did not make a choice !
(OMG who's confused now ... me...)
A week later, I ask her to join me to a small trip to another city and spend 2 days there (therefore a night together).
We had an awesome time, spend a wild night and it felt like this other guy 'incident' never happened - it was perfect !
Same thing, she confirmed she had an awesome time and felt perfect with me.
This was a few days ago, and now what ... We never talk about the other guy aside from a couple of questions I asked (she said she has not seen him at all, but maybe would want to, probably misses him (ouch) and confessed one of the reasons he left is because the never went further than kissing and though it was going nowhere)
I feel we are back in our relationship, but she still has not make a decision ! This dark cloud is killing me, and I play along as if did not exist. She says she still can't take a decision and the answer will just come.
What should I do next ? I hate to live with the idea she still has not taken a decision !
CHAT
