Hello guys, first time posting here and I would really need some advice.
Long story short.

I met this 20 years old girl two months ago, but we have only dated for a 1 month or so. (I went for xmas vacations to another city for 3 weeks) Now that I'm back, we have been seeing each other more often. Btw, during the 3 weeks, we spent time talking on SPAM and stuff like that. Here is where is confusing me:

The girl told me that she wants to be exclusive, no dating others or sharing me, boyfriend/girlfriend (her words and even refers to me like that when we are together). I was fine with that since I felt a real connections with her and I really like her. However, she refuses to have sex with me even though she have spent nights at my place. The furthest I have gotten was fingering her. According to her, she likes to wait to have sex with somebody that she really cares, which gives me the impression that she might as well have sex with a random dude in a party since she wouldn't care for him...

Also, adding to the issue, I told her that we should have a real date since I'm back and her response was that she can't do it because she was going to meetup with some random people from an internet group...
P.S she is gonna be here for only a year or so, then she is going back home, which is in a different continent. (very close to where I go back for vacations and possibly moving back home in August)

So my questions are... Am I playing a fool of myself here? Is she actually playing me? Because after analyzing the situation, it just feels that I'm not her priority and to be honest, I don't want to fall for this girl. Any help would be really appreciated.

This doesn't make sense to me. If she'd just have sex with someone she cares for , how is she gonna have sex with a random dude that she DOESN'T care for ?


Anyway , you're not necessarily playing a fool. You're playing someone who doesn't really know what they want.

In any case , my theory is that when women make up stupid reasons for not wanting to have sex it's mostly because they feel self conscious about certain aspects. Some are not 100% pleased with their body , others might need a higher level of comfort to be naked in front of a guy,etc.

Sexual desire is one of the most powerful emotions one can feel. The only emotion more powerful than this would be fear. So like I said , my theory is that whenever stupid reasons are invoked , the fear is stronger than the desire.

So , in order to bypass this issue , either work towards increasing comfort to decrease fear , or increase sexuallity to the point that the desire > fear.

Most people I know give me shit for this theory of mine and say it's complete bullshit.They say "she just doesn't want you.".I disagree because I've been proven right many times.Women would sometimes admit they wanted it but some sort of personal issue was the problem.

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Thank you for answering. The thing is that not only is the sex thing, but what annoys me as well is that she calls me a boyfriend, act like a girlfriend and stuff, but she doesn't tell the rest of the people around her, not even her best friend that we are boyfriend/girlfriend, which is extremely confusing for me. Every time she tells me a story about X and she says that she doesn't have a boyfriend I just try to play it cool and not make a big deal about it. But, it is getting to my nerves now. Maybe like you said, she doesn't know what she wants.

If it would be any other girl, I would have next'd her so fast already, but I know I'm falling for this one, which I really don't want to, but like a good friend of mine told me, there are thing that you just can't control.

Any more advice would be very helpful!

thanks again

Ask her then. Ask her why does she avoid letting people know you're her boyfriend.

Strong communication is the foundation of any relationship. Especially if you're falling for her you should work on having good communication early on.


I've been with a girl once for almost 1 month and she still hadn't told anyone that we're together. I had no clue about this till it hit me in the face. I was completely taken by surprise.
Turns out her dad was an extreme pain in the ass and she tried to keep it a secret for everyone just to make sure her dad had no way of finding out.

What can I say ? you can never know what people's motives are before you actually ask them.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.