Sup urr'body,

Happy Holidays! Hope they are excellent for you. Sorry in advance for the long read.

Anyway, met a girl online about 4 months ago, so it's long distance. She's a pretty young thing. She is also 7 years younger than I am. We started as friends in earnest and became attracted to each other after spending time together. Finding out we had a whole lot in common, from interests to social patterns to experiences as to how we were raised(negligent parents complete with drug abuse, etc), probably had a lot to do with it as well.

So after awhile, we started doing things. Cybering, phonesex, stuff on webcam, etc. I've been busy finishing up school so I hadn't really had much time to get out, and this worked well enough for me. Here's the kicker: I found out she was more or less two-timing me with another guy. She met him first, and me second. After carefully manipulating a conversation with him I was able to extract relevant information from him before revealing actual details about me and her. After interrogating this guy, I fully believe they never did any cybering or stuff on cam with him. Cool story bro. Still kinda sucked to deal with for a couple of days, but as far as I can tell, she was just stringing him along.

So I confront her about him, she kind of freaks out, we work it out. Goes back to normal. Then I get tired of this sophomoric middle school shit: a LDR with no actual in-person sex. From my point of view it's little more than passing notes around in class with hearts on them to each other. A man has needs, you know what I mean?! So I tell her that this isn't working out for me. She gets real sad on me, and I feel bad. A couple of weeks later, I feel guilty for having done her wrong, and basically open communication back up with her. We start talking to each other again.

Here comes the most relevant detail: So, in order to move forward from this sophomoric middle school garbage, I plan a trip with her for a weekend in January. She agrees to it. I'm thinkin' it's gonna be great! We're gonna do allll kindsa things together. We're staying Friday, Saturday, Sunday and leaving Monday, and we have tickets for a concert on Saturday. She is completely down for anything and everything. And I mean ANYthing. Awesome, right?

The very next day, I discover that she has basically been in a relationship with the guy she is living with since before she met me. If relevant, the guy is a total square. I found out because I got on her SPAM and saw some messages he sent her from a pc at his work. She recently moved in with him to attend school in the area. She made these plans before she met me, and moved in with him about 2 months ago. However, everytime I ask about her and him, she lies about it, saying they are just friends, and that they have even talked about them just being friends.

So, rough timeline here:

4 months ago: met her
3 months ago: discovered she had been stringing another dude along since before me.
2 months ago: she moves across 3 states to attend college, and lives with a dude.
1 month ago: 'break up', get 'back together',
4 days ago: plan a weekend trip in January with her
3 days ago: find out she's been in a relationship the whole time

So she is a cheater for sure. But she's cheating on others with me. What does that make me? As best as I can tell, she is using this guy she is with for home/shelter/security, and using me for romance/sex/passion.

Relevant details:
I'm still a PUA-in-training, for sure.
She has a fucked up past, resulting in MAJOR daddy issues.
I am 26. The first guy I found out about is 22. The guy she lives with is 19. She is 18.
She is a 7/10 physically. She is a 3/10 mentally(She's not stupid, I just think it's the age gap).
She texts me constantly. She constantly tells me she loves me and doesn't know what she'd do if I wasn't in her life anymore.
I do have feelings for her. I strongly believe she has feelings for me. I don't know if she has feelings for ONLY me, and I don't know if I actually give a fuck.
I promised I would keep good communication, be honest, and that I would give freedom to her. I told her these were the most important things in a relationship. She willingly(and eagerly) promised them right back to me. However, she lied through her teeth to me about her and the guy she is living with AFTER these promises.

Thanks for listening. I mostly just wanted to get this off my chest, because it's a bit of a fucked situation.

I do have some questions, and any advice you guys can give me, whether pertaining to the questions or just general advice, would be much appreciated.

1) Should I confront her with the evidence I have and demand an explanation? I suspect she will just lie.
2) Should I ignore it for now and confront her in person in January? I'm leaning towards this.
3) Should I ignore it completely, detach myself, go have a sex vacation in January, then come back and move on with my life?
3) Should I even bother with this? Should I just cancel all the trip reservations and try to get refunds for tickets/plane/hotel/rental car?
4) Should I tell the guy she is living with? He is really into her, but she seems to keep him at arms length all the time.
5) Was it wrong for me to check her SPAM? I have had some trust issues with her ever since the first 'other guy' she was stringing along. It was small, but now it is huge.

Reread your entire post, objectively, and ask yourself why this girl is even worth confronting at all?

The fact that you are worried about all this and your actions shows serious lack of self esteem, or self respect. I would cancel the trip with her, maybe invite someone else along instead if you can't get your money back, and have a good time working on your confidence.

And I would try my hardest to date other chicks the whole time. Surely you can find someone better.

Thanks man

This is, pretty much, exactly what I needed to hear.

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