Ok so once a week at the very least my gf goes into what appears to be a quiet mode, barely speak, moody, sad voice downer session! She will text one word answers to my very happy upbeat and intimate texts and this is mirrored in our phone calls ect. Basically she sounds like she's in a dark place for 24 hours maybe twice a week!

Now when I ask whats wrong ill not get an answer! I can ask 20 times and ill not get an answer! The only way to get one out of her is to nearly have an argument with her over how confused I am at what's getting her down! It's like she is constantly on her period and over emotional! It seems to be nothing in particular that sets these off. It often seems to be merely a "feeling" she gets!

The problem is that I get the brunt of it wether she means it or not! I'm going to be selfish here when I say that it sucks for me when I'm trying to be happy and positive and she's constantly putting a downer on things with her moods! When she's not in one she's perfect!

Is this an attention seeking thing??

A cry for help??

Genuine depression??

Or

Some form of emotional bullying??



I have suffered from clinical depression before which makes me aware of its dangers! I've told her about this before! I sorted myself out mentally without the use of drugs and it was a long road but a worthwhile one! I feel that if my girl can't control her moods a bit better then its going to start dragging me back in to a bad place that I never wish to return to...

I need to tell her to grow the fuck up and deal with her stuff in a more mature way instead of going all cold and weird!

Now I completely understand that everyone needs to have a few bad days every so often but not every single week!!! I feel lucky if it only happens once a week!!

What do you guys think I should do?? What's the best way to handle this to make a moody girl understand that this is damaging the fuck out of what we have and I'm not going to risk my own mental health over her moods and inability to cope and express them in a mature fashion!

Rant over

I need a beer

Haha, it wasn't meant to be funny but I can see the irony lol!

This will make you laugh though...

Exit strategy??...we are to be married in two weeks!!!


Ill give a bit more info!

She really is a great girl and I love her enough to marry her! She is in a foreign country (mine) with no help and no support! The only reason she is still here is to marry me then we are moving to brazil in February! I just want her to be happy on the run up to the wedding but I know it's a stressful/emotional time! I'm just so happy right now and I want to share that with her! I get frustrated when she is down and I'm so happy! Of course tomorrow she will be back to normal again!

How should I react when she is emotional? Ignore?? Listen (she won't tell)??

I remember back before I found this community or even knew its concepts existed, I used to kind of act the way she is. I know, weird, but stick with me. If my girlfriend would do something that pissed me off or upset, I would always give her the silent SPAM and I'd refuse to tell her what was wrong. I'd just bottle it up and she'd have absolutely no idea the problem was even about her. She'd even ask if she did something wrong and I'd tell her no. It was a very feminine reaction on my behalf, since I see a lot of females who do that also. But the point is, maybe there's something you're doing, likely very small that you don't even notice, that she doesn't like at all. Is there any way she'd be jealous when you're talking about something? Or maybe you're disrespecting her somehow? Remember, there are extremely different cultural norms if you compare Brazil to Europe (which is where you're from if I remember right...yes?), so you might be overlooking something like that. Just a thought.

Sit her down and communicate how you feel. You're investing a lot into this, and she's closed up about something. It goes without saying: you really need to reconsider marriage if she's resenting you for something and can't be adult enough to talk about it.

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"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

I assumed many times that it was something I was doing and I kept on bringing this up. She got quite annoyed and said that when she's feeling down I always assume its about us. I told her I'm not a mind reader, I've asked you many times what's up and you won't say so of course ill start assuming things!

She's not always been this way and I'm sure it's the stress of the wedding being coupled with her being very homesick. However she is quite prone to being emotional! Though all South American girls can be like this! I'm going to trust my gut instinct and say its just bad at the moment due to stress!

I might have a word with her and tell her how it makes me "worry"

Exactly

My parents got married after 3 months and are still happily married after 35 years! These things are literally impossible to plan or predict. I think that is at the root of all wedding stress

How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being. -Oscar Wilde

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.