Ok, so i am in a relationship with a girl who has never been in one before.
My girlfriend has mixed feelings and Saturday night she completely ignored me. I went up to her and told her that me and my friend (who is also dating her roomate) were thinking about ending our relationships with them because of the hassle. I asked her how she felt and to honestly tell me because I would like to move on and get on with my life she said 'yes I do'.

Then after much pausing on my part and acting like I wasn't so sure if I wanted to date her anymore I reluctantly said yes, which was a bullshit act because I actually like this girl more than any of my ex's. Now, I know our relationship can get better, or worse from this point so I am here. These are the points she made and the way she acts the night before and yesterday morning before we agreed to keep dating
-every time she goes out with her single friends here she tells me she has doubts with what she wants to do and misses going out.(but that even happens to me so I THINK she just needs to get used to a relationship)
-But then she tells me how she was miserable when she was single, only 2 weeks before we dated she was forced to sleep under a car because of getting to drunk and chased by dudes she didn't like)
-Her closest friends (not the 'single friends' here) tell her they think she needs to be in a relationship and that this is good for her because they know I'm a great guy and safe for her.
-she said she didn't have to try to hard to get me

but then

-she said shes closer to me than anyone else here (we are in college)
-This is new for her shes actually never fallen for a dude before. much less dated one
-She has said "i think i love you" a few times while drunk, but admits in the morning (either out of embarassment or other reason) that she was drunk. (although shes usually brutally honest when she is drunk.
-when it is just her and I she gets super into me grabs me tightly and all that snazz
BUT here is the kicker
-when she is out drinking or in public sometimes with her friends she acts disinterested and won't go to grab my hand and sometimes doesnt like kissing me goodbye, I act like I don't care sometimes but usually my ex's cant get enough of me so it secretly pisses me off. But then sometimes she'll be with and all over me. and both have happened equal times.


What I think I need to do is not hit her up to chill, and make her work for the relationship. I think she is going through mixed emotions because most of these feelings are very new to her. She's a super independent woman, and I almost wish she had been in relationships before to know I'm not treating her like trash and that im genuine. My goal is to make her feel like I am the best she can get and to overall make her more needy and attracted. So what do you guys think? The relationship can get better or worse so I need some advice.

loooooooooool

shes messing u around if she really was that into you she would make sure she was yours. freeze her out start talking to other girls and if she asks whats up say you're either properly together or not, and if she has doubts again dump her. maybe even tell her you need some space and how you find it really unnattractive how differently she acts when drunk. If she chases you its a win if she doesnt then she never really liked you that much did she?

dont be waiting for her to decide whether she likes you or not, unless you wanna be a little bitch it should be the other way round. come on man, u really wanna live your life waiting around for people to decide if they like you enough? don't settle you should want someone who really wants to be with u

she has only acted disnterested once, and it was this weekend. She is also foriegn and knows my past girlfriends were needy, so i am not sure if she is doing this to keep me attracted and is still playing the game.

I was just going to act like we are not even dating and straight up game her agian


and could you explain this in another way I dont understand, or give an example "if she asks whats up say you're either properly together or not, and if she has doubts again dump her"

Ok I thought you meant she is constantly acting like that. So it's just a one off? I think you should freeze her out and make her start chasing you.

What I meant by that is, say to her "are we together? or are you having doubts?" and if she continues to have doubts you need to get rid of her

First of all you told her that you and your friend are going to break up with her and her friend???? lol what is this a group relationship? you need your budy to hold your hand and make decisions? To a women you might as well have said "I told my friend all our personal problems and he told me to break up with you". Next time don't say or do that!

What do I think? I think your girlfriend will leave you once she feels she has found the next best thing. She has little respect for you and doesn't seem to make the time for you or take any of your feels or needs into account...dump her.

Why? because if you don't she will dump you and break your heart...perhaps she will realize what she has lost once you are gone but for now shes not into the relationship and you shouldn't be either.

To dark one: I know that you said it seems like she has little respect but hear out my post. She personally has told me several times that she is more comfortable with me than anyone else she has met in her life. I have had her best friends even come up and say this to me and her. Also, she told me that she does not respect or trust anyone she has met ever, and always expects people to lie and cheat her (this is because of her past), except for me and what I have done with my past and that no one has had the patience to ever sit and listen to how she feels and see that someone genuinely listens to her when she talks and understands to the point where I can guess how she thinks. (including her best friends) This is true through her words and most of her actions, except for this weekend, which she explained as I wrote below.



I talked to her last night.

I said that I did not like the way she acted and treated me and asked her why and if she has doubts. I also acted as if I was going to break up with her and it literally brought her to tears, and she fully explained that she was
- having doubts because she thought that I might break her heart and leave her and thats why she was acting like that.(I still am iffy on this)
-This girl never cries ever for any reason i have ever seen and she told me that she cried all day yesterday, and when she came and I talked to her she apologized and said she really wants to be in a relationship and KNOWS that this is what she wants
-she said that I am the best person period shes ever met and that I just need patience to deal with her, she really only has a few close friends and feels that people can't understand her like I do.
-she also said that she has been acting distant to get my attention because of how i act aloof most of the time and she was scared that I was going to break up with her over the past week
-she is also a strange girl and thinks differently (has mild case of Aspergers), and knew my past relationships had needy girlfriends, she along with her roomate told me separate that she wont hit me up because she is scared I wont want to see her and that she is too needy.


I'm thinking I may have been harsh and really made it look like I didn't want to date her last night. I know she talked to my friends and is actually terrified because she knows how mixed my feelings are. But I was just being honest and I really do have mixed feelings.

I said nothing is more unattractive than pushing me away, and that if she wants this to work shes going to have to make a visible effort. (which honestly makes me angry and not attracted) I was seriously considering breaking up with her, but considering that this only has happened this weekend, while she was drunk, I'm going to give it a go. I see a lot of potential in this relationship, but this event drained most of passion that I had for her and I'm only waiting on her to see if her actions reflect her words. I figured that this will make or break the relationship.

criticism on the way I acted and what i should do would be awesome thanks.

To dark one: I know that you said it seems like she has little respect but hear out my post. She personally has told me several times that she is more comfortable with me than anyone else she has met in her life. I have had her best friends even come up and say this to me and her. Also, she told me that she does not respect or trust anyone she has met ever, and always expects people to lie and cheat her (this is because of her past), except for me and what I have done with my past and that no one has had the patience to ever sit and listen to how she feels and see that someone genuinely listens to her when she talks and understands to the point where I can guess how she thinks. (including her best friends) This is true through her words and most of her actions, except for this weekend, which she explained as I wrote below.



I talked to her last night.

I said that I did not like the way she acted and treated me and asked her why and if she has doubts. I also acted as if I was going to break up with her and it literally brought her to tears, and she fully explained that she was
- having doubts because she thought that I might break her heart and leave her and thats why she was acting like that.(I still am iffy on this)
-This girl never cries ever for any reason i have ever seen and she told me that she cried all day yesterday, and when she came and I talked to her she apologized and said she really wants to be in a relationship and KNOWS that this is what she wants
-she said that I am the best person period shes ever met and that I just need patience to deal with her, she really only has a few close friends and feels that people can't understand her like I do.
-she also said that she has been acting distant to get my attention because of how i act aloof most of the time and she was scared that I was going to break up with her over the past week
-she is also a strange girl and thinks differently (has mild case of Aspergers), and knew my past relationships had needy girlfriends, she along with her roomate told me separate that she wont hit me up because she is scared I wont want to see her and that she is too needy.


I'm thinking I may have been harsh and really made it look like I didn't want to date her last night. I know she talked to my friends and is actually terrified because she knows how mixed my feelings are. But I was just being honest and I really do have mixed feelings.

I said nothing is more unattractive than pushing me away, and that if she wants this to work shes going to have to make a visible effort. (which honestly makes me angry and not attracted) I was seriously considering breaking up with her, but considering that this only has happened this weekend, while she was drunk, I'm going to give it a go. I see a lot of potential in this relationship, but this event drained most of passion that I had for her and I'm only waiting on her to see if her actions reflect her words. I figured that this will make or break the relationship.

criticism on the way I acted and what i should do would be awesome thanks.

Listen man....STOP listening to what she says and start judging her based on her actions. Words are just words! I could tell you I am the strongest man in the world but unless you see that I actually am are you going to believe me??

Women are emotional, they think with the emotional part of the brain so although she might get excited and tell you she cares about you from time to time it doesn't mean shit unless she is showing you consistently which I have a feeling isn't happening.

You know what I think? I think you are making excuses for the way she treats you, I think you are looking for anything or anyone to tell you to stay with her, and I think you had your mind made up before you came in here.

I don't mean to be a dick but sometimes we all need a big slap in the face! actions speak louder than words and right now her actions are disrespectful.

thats true, and thats exactly what I told her that if she feels that way she needs to show it, and I only made up my mind this morning. I don't think its right to dump her right away, I'm asking now what I should do. To be honest I think the chance of her working to change the way she acts because of this will dictate how things go. to be honest she has only acted like this from last thursday - sunday morning.

so my question is IF she acts and treats me right, how long should I freeze her out ignore her, should I not text her back or stand her up? if she doesnt do it period i will dump her, which is the obvious answer.

Don't play games in a relationship...no need for it and it will only makes things worse. No freezing out! I would tell her what you need from her and if she can't give it to you then walk...why stay with someone if you are putting in all the effort and she is not?

In a healthy relationship both people strive to make each other happy, both people are proud of being together and don't play games.

ok, so I should not 'give her a taste of her own medicine" and go back to being the fun, attractive, and awesome dude I was and not talk about it anymore and stop ignoring her? do I reassure her I wont break up with her or just change the topic if she brings up her fears?