Hey guys I'm wondering if any of you have been through something similar and if you managed to halt it?

We have only been in a relationship for a few months but I'm beginning to lose the emotional attraction due to some issues that I will describe below.

1 She is currently having a sleep problem.

She's not sleeping well at all and I must of told her 100 times that she should visit her doctor and seek some help as it's not getting better! She never listens and says it will soon pass and not to worry...Only problem is that she complains about it every single day which makes me feel bad. But I can't help if she's unwilling to help herself.

2 She reads in to everything I do.

If I'm tired when she phones (at midnight) and I sound sleepy or I yawn then she atomaticslly gets offended and goes quiet. She then starts saying that I don't sound like I'm interested in what she has to say.

3 She tells me important stuff in bed when I'm half asleep.

Then asks me later in the day if I remember what she told me (which I dont), then she gets all annoyed. Ive told her that I won't remember every small detail but I'll remember the important stuff. I'm busy and mild dyslexia does not help me here...! It pisses me off actually as she's started asking me if I remember the smallest detail of something she will of said weeks ago...which I never can recall!

4 When there's a personal problem with her she doesn't talk to me.

For example she had an argument with her parents and then went cold with me. She turns to her friends for advice and tells me that she doesn't want to bother me with her stuff and she doesn't want to upset my happy mood. She's done this a few times and I've told her that not telling me what's up and going cold makes me wonder wtf is going on and if she is ok. I've said communication is the key in a relationship and it's our job to take the bad news with the good. She agreed but it's not changed...every time something goes bad she goes distant and says not to worry and "your probably going to get fed up with me if I've always got bad news".

These combined are making me think about breaking up with her. This is something I don't want to do but damn my attraction for her is pretty low right now! I don't even want her to phone me tonight as I just cant be bothered with more depressing stuff and her always assuming that I'm not interested! Though now I've just seen the irony as now I'm not really that interested lol!

What's the best way to tell her to deal with these issues?

this seems relatively minor
this comes from a place of insecurity
this seems shit testing from the same insecurity as above.. I would totally act as if I remember nothing she told me and make it look like such a huge deal that she herself will be like "OMG, it's not *THAT* huge"
this is the really bad stuff. my GF did this once to me and I was really pissed off at her. I told her how I expect that she talks to me about her life, and problems, and that I am not there just to drive her around and fuck her. So, the one time she told me she had a problem and then did not want to talk to me about it, I made sure she knew it hurt my feelings and that I expected better of her.

I would consider open honest communication about the main points here
#1 seems to come from the frame of "I am fed up with this girl for serious reasons, but since I am fed up, whatever she does annoys me now".
#2 and #3 are basically insecurity-driven behaviors. Focus on that.
And #4 is important. Define your relationship properly. The thing that works for me is "best friends who bang like crazy". It's what I expect from my girlfriend, and what she can expect from me.

_________________
nice guys don't get laid
"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)

Most of these behaviors excluding number four sound like the typical women. The truth is women are like children, they are bratty, unreasonable, and inconsiderate a majority of the time. Its your job to maintain a strong frame of mind and lead her in the right direction. Like a parent you have to call them out in a polite but assertive manner when they are throwing a fit or being unreasonable. Most of the time they do not even realize they are doing it until you bring it to their attention. Iv'e heard women say the most off the wall things that us the male species will never understand because were logical.

Example:
Her: I have a really bad headache
ME: Want some aspirin?
Her: No I dont want to take any medication.
Her: (30 min later) Oh my gosh i have the worse headache!
Me: Then take some aspirin lol
Her Maybe in a minute.

_________________
"If I tell you I'm good, you would probably think I'm boasting. If I tell you I'm no good, you know I'm lying."-Bruce Lee

I would like to reiterate that women do indeed say the most unreasonable illogical things ever.
I personally have experienced the above (headache situation) and I'm like WTF. I think they just want sympathy though.

Also, to the OP, I think you are not alone, many men dislike their girl going cold and talking about problems with friends instead.

I agree with the comments already given about your situation..

_________________
Roll with the punches

Not true. There are 3 billion of them around, and I know at least one or two that isn't.

_________________
- Lux et Veritas -

it seems like you want to stay with her, is it because you don't want to hurt her or is it because you really enjoy the time you spend together?
If you want to work things out, try focusing on the good aspects of her rather then the bad. I would also sit down and have a talk with her about some of the issues that you raised her but I'm not sure if you should talk about all of them because it seems like she is insecure and it might make things worse.

just for the record, I have had a similar issue with my GF over the last week.
where I felt she was coming off distant and less affectionate.
In the end, I decided to do the right relationship thing and talk about it.
We had a phone conversation. Then I wrote her a letter (yes, I did add some drama to the thing - girls love drama). It turned out that she has a bunch of issues (all of which I know about) and that she was withdrawing to deal with them. So what I did is tell her that this kind of behavior hurts me, leads me to think she doesn't care for me anymore, and has been the source of so much useless drama. She should just talk to me, tell me about shit in her life, and let me take care of her instead of drifting apart.
She seemed to agree. We'll see.

You might want to do the same with your girl. And out of all your issues, I would focus on the lack of communication. It seems the major thing to me.

_________________
nice guys don't get laid
"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)

She does seem to have some insecurity issues, but realistically 90% of girls do!

As far as the "Not talking about problems", I have learned that a girl does not want you to fix her problems, what she wants is to know you are there to support her and help her.

I usually say somehting along the lines of "I know it is rough right now, I am here for you if you need me". Then I don't address it again until she mentions it again, what you don't want to do is offer an opinion, unless she asks specifically "What should I do?"

Peace...

_________________
Crypto...
______________________________________
All girl's are Freaks...It is your job to bring it out in them! - Crypto

You need to stop bending over and letting her ass fuck your brain! - Heywood

this is truth. and there are problems that can't be fixed by me, even if I wanted to. there's shit that she has to fix by herself. but it's one thing to know this shit is going on, and to talk through it, and support/help as much as possible. another entirely to have your girl drift away because she thinks it's wrong to seek help from you. I hate the latter.

_________________
nice guys don't get laid
"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)

You guys have really hit on a major point here.

When a girl comes to us with a problem they actually want their emotional needs to be me through empathy. They don't want us to fix their problem they want to vent.

For example if she comes to you saying "She did this to me blah blah" as a guy our first instinct is to solve the problem: "why don't you try talking to her blah blah blah"

What she really wants from you is something along the lines of "OMG what a complete bitchg I can't believe she did that to you!"

That's why she went to her friends. they help her vent and make her feel better. She doesn't want your advice unless she asks for it.

Yea I think you hit the nail on the head with all your points and I have since defined the relationship more. It's true that the one big issue was causing me to become annoyed at the smaller problems.

Since we talked I've seen a difference and she has communicated about problems thar pop up for her! She now realises that I won't break up with her just because she tells me about a few normal family problems. She was previously trying to protect the happy vibe in the relationship but I explained to her how this could only backfire on her.

Thanks for the advice guys! Really helped!!