What are the keys to a great relationship?



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PostPosted: Mon Aug 13, 2012 6:14 am 
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I've recently found myself in a LTR with a girl that i'm head over heels for. Just want to get some good advice from those of you who are in successful LTRs. I find that there a lot of people on this subforum who have been burned in the past by their exes or don't have actual successful LTR experience and give not so useful advice to others here.

For those of you who are in meaningful and successful LTRs, what words of advice can you give?

I'll share some of the advice that i've really taken to heart from some of the other threads:
- Have your own life. Don't stop doing the things you used to do when you were single like hanging out with the guys, going out, exercising, hobbies, etc.
- Always trust in your relationship. Don't sweat the small stuff or get paranoid about your gf cheating/lying to you. The more you worry, the more your relationship is set to fail.
- Be an the emotional rock in the relationship. Girls go through an array of emotions all the time. Be the steady rock that never loses his cool, plays games, or any of that afc stuff.

Anything else?


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 13, 2012 10:47 am 
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Select girls not only on their looks, also on their intellect, stability, friends surrounding them, drug (ab)use ...


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 22, 2012 11:02 pm 
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Communication, shared values and some one you dont mind looking at :-)
I.E.
- When things bug you, talk about it, effectively
- You want to be with some one that likes doing the things you do and has similar views on; religion, pop-culture, family, work, etc...
- Dont try and change some one or let them change you


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 23, 2012 1:35 am 
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Obviously, there is no magic bullet. Everybody's situation is a little bit different. What we DO know is that society is very bad at preparing guys to handle dating and relationships. That's why we're all here. So now what we have to do is figure out all our bad habits ("dumb-guy mistakes") and fix them. If I had to narrow down some core advice that I have internalized since joining this community it would be this:

1) Learn to screen. Personally, I like the "Freaks, Hoes and Good Girls" classifications that have been around for awhile. Different women look for different things in relationships. Learn how to spot the different types of girls and treat them accordingly. Don't try to have a serious relationship with a freak unless you really know what you're doing.

2) Learn how to lead. Be confident and make decisions whenever possible. Most girls are indecisive and hate being the ones to make decisions in relationships. Submissiveness is a feminine trait and being in a submissive role makes most girls feel sexy. Don't argue with your girlfriend. Guys handle conflict logically while women handle conflict with their emotions. Arguing doesn't work and it only rewards bad behavior by giving her your attentions (which is what girls want most). Either change her emotional state (ideally, by having sex with her) or, if she is in the wrong, leave or ignore her until she cools down. Never accept ultimatums.

3) Be congruent. Know what you want and act accordingly. Set up your expectations early and stick to them. If a girl is a FB, then don't treat her like a girlfriend. Don't lie. Lying is beta behavior. Don't promise monogamy if you don't intend on being monogamous.

4) Know that nothing lasts forever. Monogamous relationships are mostly set up to fail. When we first meet somebody who we are attracted to, our bodies release strong hormones / endorphins when we are around them. However, this effect mellows out over time. The strong reaction lasts a good 2-3 years.. more if you have kids (think "seven year itch"). Sure, some people get passed it and have life-long marriages, but it typically isn't their sexual passion keeping them together (it's common bonds and comfortableness.. you see this work really well with 2 people who are equally co-dependent). Be prepared.

5) Always bring your A-game to the bedroom.. always try and keep sex passionate, interesting and frequent. Mix it up as much as you can. Be dominant and don't be afraid to treat her roughly.. most girls love that stuff. Get toys and restraints and anything else you can think of to add some variety to your sex life. Do some research and learn how to make a girl squirt. Learn how to properly introduce and perform anal sex. Talk to her about sex and learn about her fantasies. Be the guy that allows her to fulfill those fantasies. Touch her all the time.. as often as possible.

6) Don't fail shit tests! Don't ever show jealousy (and/or just don't get jealous of other guys.. that's beta). Don't tolerate or reward bad behavior. Giving her attention when she acts out or picks a fight is BAD. Do, however, reward good behavior (this is part of leading well). Don't be that pussy-whipped guy who can never hang out with his friends. Don't be her psychologist or the one she constantly complains to (that's what her female friends are for). You should be the guy who makes her forget all the bad stuff.. a vacation from the troubles in her life. Avoid being around her when she's in a negative state and refuses to get out of it.

How is that for tips?

_________________
Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 23, 2012 2:59 am 
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If it's complicated at the beginning, it will only get worse. Those first few months of a relationship are the most fun, and if it's not, it's time to rethink things.

Keep things light. You can't go to war over every little thing. Don't create drama from nothing, because the real deal will come.

Find somebody you want to impress and who inspires you to be the best version of yourself. Find somebody who wants to impress you as well.

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 24, 2012 1:54 pm 
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The key to a healthy relationship is doing the opposite of what most people suggest to do in this section lol

Compassion, Communication, and Empathy seems to help a great deal.
You always say this, that what people suggest in relationship section is wrong and you should just talk with your girlfriend but i seriously doubt you know what your talking about because you probably have a good girlfriend who is open and shares her emotions and so do you so you assume thats the way it should go.

It works cause you have a good girlfriend but try and talk to a girl who has 0 interest in you anymore, she wont give a shit and it wont create attraction. Playing games is wrong in relationships but don't think once you have a girlfriend you can just chill and enjoy the ride.

Being alpha, less available and all that mojo works very well if you got trouble with your girlfriend.

You assume every girl is the same and all will be good if you just show: Compassion, Communication, and Empathy... maybe in dreams it is but in reality to many different factors come into play.

Selecting the right girlfriend makes it a good or bad relationship.

_________________
Do not make external things like girls define your happiness or you will live a harsh life. Keep doing what you love and keep improving as a man.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 24, 2012 2:26 pm 
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Okay, in the Hobbits defense, Compassion, Communication, and Empathy are key building blocks to being able to maintain a healthy relationship (and to be a decent human being). As somebody who has always had these traits, i tend to take them for granted. I consider these things almost too basic to mention. If you have no compassion or empathy for other people, then you're going to have problems keeping a relationship. If you can't express yourself effectively, then you're going to have problems in relationships and in life. I understand that.

However, I disagree with Hobbit's conclusion that my advice is crap. My advice is heavily field tested and it's very effective. Moreover, this stuff has improved my own life tremendously. The reason I repeat this stuff to people is to pay it forward. Every guy should know this stuff and benefit from this accumulated knowledge.

-Wolf

_________________
Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 24, 2012 11:02 pm 
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Quote:
The key to a healthy relationship is doing the opposite of what most people suggest to do in this section lol
Oh, Hobbit. You instigator you.

The answers in this thread have been about communication and empathy. You could do a lot worse than the advice in this specific thread. If you mean the entire relationship forum, though...

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"


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