My GF finished her exams, so she went partying a couple of the days in the previous week, i work, so i couldn't go. (both 24yo)

I don't really like this, but i understand it, and let her go.

Yesterday we where at a restaurant with a couple of my gf friends, and me.
She said to me she was utterly drunk at monday and after the party went to a kindergarten, with a couple of guys and her best friend.

Some of the guys where in the restuarant and one of them says to her, what a crazy night monday. Her reaction is, 'ssssht'.

I'm cold most of the evening, talking to her best friend, couldn't help it, had a gut feeling that something was not right. (I mostly trust those, coming from insecurity or not)

When we got home, i ask her why she sssht on them, she says she doesn't want to tell me some things, out of fear (that she's drunk, comes from a previous fight)

I felt disrespected and had a go at her. He can't know, i'm her boyfriend, i should know.

She cries, wants to go home, tells me i'm insecure, sleeps on the couch.
She had to go early in the morning, so haven't spoken to her...

Do i have reason to be insecure? Am i acting like a kid? Am i correct on this one?

Solutions?

Opinions pls.

Ps: We leave for holiday tomorrow :/

seems the answer if fairly obvious.

if she said "shhh" and says there is something she doesn't want to tell you,

then YES, something bad happened.

i'm not a fan of ultimatums, but in that instance i might issue one.

others may have different advice.

i'd probably tell her to either tell me what happened or get the fuck out and don't contact me.

and yes, always trust your gut instinct.

i'm not saying you should do this, just that i likely would...

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

aah, well, the reason she gave me, for the ssht, was that she was extremely drunk, and she fears telling me that, and the the guys where teasing her about it.

She has been cheated on in a previous relationship, so i'm pretty sure she will never do that.

[quote="Mack 2.0"]seems the answer if fairly obvious.

if she said "shhh" and says there is something she doesn't want to tell you,

then YES, something bad happened.

i'm not a fan of ultimatums, but in that instance i might issue one.

others may have different advice.

i'd probably tell her to either tell me what happened or get the fuck out and don't contact me.

and yes, always trust your gut instinct.

i'm not saying you should do this, just that i likely would...[/quote


This is the best advice and i would do the same !

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Is this Life

The best way to handle this is to stay calm! do this:

You: I want to talk with you

her: what is it.

You: In a relationship honesty is very important! You said the other day that you did not want me to hear what happen the other night, It really bothers me that you feel it is ok to keep secrets. Now I will not get mad, I know something went on, Lets talk about what happen the other night when you went out? Just be 100% honest with me and I am here to listen.

Then let her talk! she might beat around the bush a little but assure her that you are not going to get mad but that it is important that if she wants the relationship to work that you know the 100% truth!

Now she could lie....but if you feel she is being honest and it is really bad you now have the knowledge to make what ever decision you feel is right? stay calm! don't get mad! even if she says she gave 5 guys a blow job in the mens bathroom lol just tell her you are disappointed, feel disrespected, and that its over, no need to yell or get mad, if you stay calm she will feel that she can tell you everything! plus you are not the dick, she is!

If she doesn't tell you what went on then I would tell her its over, I would tell he that clearly she feels it is ok to keep secrets, and that honesty is very important in a relationship, I would also say that clearly what ever she did was bad enough that she feels she cannot share it so its over.

then walk! it's easier now then when you get deeper into the relationship!

This is exactly what I would do!

It's all about trust! If you don't have it it's all downhill from here. She has given you a reason not to trust her so it needs to be sorted! Follow the above post. Even if it's something really minor and forgivable she will respect you more knowing that you where willing to bail at the first sign of dodgyness

One thing I would like to add is that if she did something like dance with another guy, or something that would bother you but is not a "deal breaker" then I would tell her that you are disappointed in the fact that she put her self in a situation were she could cheat, that we are all capable of cheating, even you are but that she must make smarter choices if she wants the relationship to last, I would also laugh about it a little and ask her why she felt she could not come to you with that? and that although you are not comfortable with it, its not that big of a deal as she does not do it a gain.

stay calm! stay light! be alpha and you should both talk about what is considered cheating within your relationship, women are like children and often know wrong from right but don't follow the riles until they know there is an actual line drawn! If you have high value she wont cross the line!