Seeing this girl for 5 months now. At first we were both dating other ppl. as well. Things kept progressing until we were only seeing each other. She asked to be exclusive but I said no to get other girls still. After that I fell for this girl. She told me she loved me and I already knew I felt the same way. I was about to make it exclusive.

She tried once more the other night. I held off bc I had a feeling. The next morning after she left I found her facebook logged in so I had to check it out.

What I found made my jaw drop and made me question who I had been with. I found out she got pregnant just a few months before we started seeing each other. I also found out she was currently on probation for shoplifting. Both of which I wouldn't have seen as SUCH a big deal, BUT she told me the night before that she trusts me more than anyone and that she has told me EVERYTHING about her.

Anyway these are deal breakers for me, for her not to tell me the truth on these things means that maybe she is deceiving me on other things and I am not ok with that. I figure its best I get out now and protect myself, before I get too wrapped up in this girl and she lies to me about something bigger that crushes me even more. It wouldn't be worth it and I'm protecting myself.

That's the story, here's my question: how do I go about breaking it off with her without telling her that I went through her facebook messages? I am going to tell her the reason I we can't see each other anymore is because I can't trust her. I might be able to talk to some of her friends and get some info out of them, but then I might come off bad when it gets back to her. Bottom line is that its best if I know now and can move on.

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-Supern0va1

I would first play stupid, when you are hanging out ask her something like "whats one thing you are not proud of? like have you ever been arrested? or done something dumb in your life that you regret" if she asks why just play stupid and say something like "Just want to get to know you better, I like you". The later on or at another time tell a story about a girl you know what got pregnant and say something like "what would you do if you accidently got pregnant" If she lies to you then you know she cant be trusted....no need to express why you are breaking it off, just say you don't see your self with her long term and so you don't want to lead her on.

She is probably both ashamed and embarrassed, she did not tell you for that reason...but that does not make it ok! a lie is a lie and it shows her integrity and moral fiber are low! if she does come clean then at least you know she was honest.

Do I really have to point out the irony in this story? You blatantly disregarded this girl's privacy to assuage your bullshit insecurities and now you want to break up because YOU can't trust HER?

Your boy,
870

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"Do not blame, call out, alpha male, superman, or water sprinkle any hoes. And what will be, will be." -Hobbit

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Exactly!
I think this is exactly what I would do if we were 1-2 months in, but I really we "are" so close that this wouldn't make sense to do in our relationship. These are definitely things she should have brought up previously, we've had those really deep talks, these should've been there.

Thanks dark one!

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-Supern0va1

Hey man I agree with you, but lets be honest 99.9999% of us would do the same if our gf's facebook was open lol it does not make it ok but that reality!

now you face the consequences. you knew you could find bad shit. that is why you checked in the first place. to discover bad shit. now you found it. what good is it if you act like you didn't check? might as well not have checked and saved yourself the bad feelings, right?

yes, true, it's wrong. but most people have, at one point or another, felt the urge to check on a significant other because they just had a feeling. if they found nothing, so much the better. it's only gonna reinforce their trust and they will not need to do it again. if they found something, they should act on it. or otherwise, if they know they won't have the strength to do so, refrain from such checks entirely.

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nice guys don't get laid
"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)

Although I don't want my gf snooping through my stuff I could care less....If she did I would tell her I was disappointed, but not mad, I really have nothing to hide from her! Im not a cheater, never have been and never will be so I have a guilt free conscience which makes my life much easier!

If you do tell her what you found and she freaks out it will be totally in self defense! people who have nothing to hide don't freak out, why would they? they might think less of you but they would not freak out....she will use it against you trust me!

Thanks for your opinion, I appreciate your point of view. Wrong or right, now I know what I need to know in order to next her.

Great comments all around. I'm going to tell her we can't see each other anymore face to face. She will say why and I will say bc I cant trust her. I will tell her that I was seriously considering having her as my gf so I looked and found out things that she should have told me. That is as far as I will go, if she asked how I found out or who, or even what I found out I will say it doesn't matter.

Either way if you find out someone isn't right for you sooner, then I see it as being better for you. Maybe it's wrong, maybe not, either way love is a dangerous game.

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-Supern0va1

You can't look in a vacuum bag and not expect to find dirt.

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"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

all this zen buddhist mindtripping.

of course you did the right thing.

you found out she is a freaking criminal and a jezebel.

lol

just keep her as a fuckbuddy.

truth is 99% of women are straight-up whores.

even the ones that 'act' all innocent.

not.

even the nasty party girls like to 'play' little princess to fulfill their fantasies of a loving prince charming.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Yeah bro, but in my estimation that's some nasty fucking dirt. It's one thing if she's talking to other guys, thats cool were not in a relationship, but that one is something I seriously think you tell someone that you are that close with. Don't get me wrong there's a lot of shit you keep to yourself especially if you are just getting to know someone, but it's to the point where we have been seeing each other for 5 months. I would tell her anything and she SAYS she has told me everything.
I cant say I don't disagree. Sure I feel a little guilty about invading privacy, but I'm protecting myself.
Idk about that, the feelings are pretty deep, on both sides.
This is what it seems I am beginning to realize. Even if you lock up a "good one" they often cheat. Maybe it's best not to have monogamous relationships.

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-Supern0va1

As fucked up as this sounds your pretty accurate!

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Do not make external things like girls define your happiness or you will live a harsh life. Keep doing what you love and keep improving as a man.

It looks to me that you already know what to do and i agree with what you have to do. No need to prolong it any longer.

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"Live life to the fullest, never look back, remember No regrets" J.f

also, have a good trip to the std clinic to get checked.

if she lies about some things, it's a safe assumption that she may also lie about other.

cruel truth.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Girls are very indirect generally speaking. One possibility is that your girl might be wanting to tell you about those deal breakers but she didn't have the guts to tell you directly so she 'accidentally' left her Facebook open.

Just last night, an HB8 I've isolated in my place left her Facebook open after checking her account on my computer. Several minutes before my isolation bounce, she was qualifying herself to me that she was awesome in bed. What she didn't know was that I'm trying to screen out promiscuous girls to be safe from STD and was not qualifying her if she was good in bed or not.

I logged out her FB account but I'm pretty sure she wanted me to see that several guys have the hots on her. I couldn't care any less.

This isn't just one girl who 'accidentally' left her FB account open. Several months before, another was trying to get me jealous. HB7 wanted to be exclusive with me but I basically screened her out as a possible serious long term relationship because she cheated on her boyfriend with me. Her phone kept on ringing while I was banging her. Annoyed, I told her to answer her phone because her boyfriend was calling. She told me several days before I banged her that she didn't have a boyfriend. I assumed she had a boyfriend and as it turned out, she really did had a boyfriend. I presume she left her FB account open afterwards to show me that other guys want to sleep with her. Didn't bother to check on her FB. I just didn't give a fuck.

You get the drift. Leaving her FB account might have not been 'accidental' as you think it is. She might be wanting to tell you everything but she didn't have the guts to tell you. Probe with neutral questions. Who knows, she might be sincere in telling you 'everything' it's just that men are more direct than girls.

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Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

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