My GF rang me earlier this morning... we were meant to be going for dinner tonight with friends but she says she doesnt want to.


She kind of snapped at me on the phone and said she is gonna go get some rest. She has worked some long ass hours over the last few days and was also a bit ill during this time but couldnt stay off work because of vacation shortages.

She just texted me the following:

"Sorry for snapping at you...I must have sounded a total jerk! I just feel really sad and I dont know why. I think it must be like some kinda comedown or something? Eugh its gross I need to snap out of it! xxx"


How do I respond to this text? I've never known her to feel as she does right now and she is such a bright person its kinda odd. But understandable...we have had a pretty crazy week drinking and stuff and now she had to work all weekend...

do something really nice and unexpected that forces her to cheer up.

get her a little special gift.

and chill on the drinking.

that shit is bad.

i don't see any misbehavior on her part.

she snapped at you, yes.

but she also admitted it, apologized, communicated, and put her trust into you on the issue of feeling down.

that is a lot of positive stuff.

reward it.

if she has to work. make her a nice homemade lunch or take her something that she really likes.

this is a perfect time to do something nice.

lol, sorry if you were hoping for jedi mind tricks such as "freeze her out" or "be the prize".

lol

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Ha thanks bro.

My ex GF was a total daddy issue kind of girl who would argue every day with me.

This girl is nowhere near that. Shes great in that sense. So I sent the following back:


"Honestly ****** I wouldnt class that as snapping. I would put how you feel down to a great time we've had early last week, then feeling unwell and having to work all weekend and such bad hours. Think of it like the sunday blues after a big night out boozing. If you think its anything else Im here for ya, just call me x"

Also one more thing for y'all...

Should I cancel the plans to go and meet our friends for dinner if she doesnt want to? Its a pretty mixed bunch of couples and singles so it wouldnt be weird to go without my GF.

Should I insist I go round to her place and 'cheer her up' if she wants to stay there?

it's very simple.

if she is behaving good, reward it.

unless she is being a horrible bitch, perpetrating on you, lying to you, or cheating on you. reward her for being a good and committed girlfriend.

yes, be the ONE to cheer her up. or somebody else will. and let's face it, you don't want that.

if she is being a good girl, stay home with her and spend the night together if she wants to and if you want to.

if not, at least see her and take her something nice. even something small. it's the thought that counts.

it's a trustbuilding exercise. rewarding positive behavior. building a bond based in healthy interaction instead of unhealthy ones.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Thanks, this makes plenty of sense.


In fact its led me to ask another question!


We have been dating some 9 months. An item for about 7-8 of them.

How often is too often to see each other? I last saw her on Friday.

I reckon we see each other 3 times per week. Seeing as we love each other I dont really see the "I need space" line getting used.

that is going to be different in every situation and with every couple.

it all depends on the energy that is between the two of you when you are together.

if it is always positive and upbeat and mutually beneficial, then three times per week is fine. if you sense that she is weary and needs space, give it to her. if you sense that she needs more of you, provide that.

women will give us cues as to the level of "togetherness" that they want. now i am not saying that you have to cave in to that and only consider her, but it is good to be in tune.

just follow the cues.

definitely have your own life. follow your journey. education, self-improvement, physical and mental wellbeing. hobbies. etc.

you will know she has give you a cue if she is "too tired" to talk one night.

or "does not feel good" when you two were going to see each other.

never listen to a woman's words.

watch her deeds and follow her feelings.

words will betray you.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

UPDATE


I rang her to ask if she wants to come out or me to come around and see her. She just said she doesnt want to go get some food etc with our friends.

She said she rang her friend earlier and that she also felt similar last night - in fact she started crying in some club and couldnt explain why to my GF.

She also said I should still go out and see my friends etc.


I'm gonna leave her be for now... I'm just wondering though:

We went on a bit of lost weekend from tuesday-friday and it was probably the longest time we've spent together consecutively...

Do you guys think perhaps she just wants to alone time/I've given her too much attention?


Whatever keeps us healthy!