Hello guys I want to talk real quick about this.
Been with my GF for 3 months now, and for the 1st month everything was great, then I saw something suspicious, guys sent her message through facebook, asking to meet up and etc.. and she always said yes to them, but, she never met them.
I told her I didn't liked this, she said she had always been like this, but she changed that behavior.
It was until like 4 weeks ago, that another friend of hers started to flirt with her intensely, and she showed me the messages, what he told her, etc... this guy has a gf, but she says he's already cheated on her gf a lot.
So he was hitting on her really bad, and she never really gave him any flirting back, I told her about it, and she said "Baby, I don't plan on seeing him anytime" ... because they arranged meetings.
One night they were talking, he was drunk and told her how much he liked him.. blah blah, they kinda arranged a threesome for when they were both single, my girlfriend told me this "Im never going to be single again, so its never happening" ... but she didn't told that to him.
So the other day he sends her a message through FB "Hey I found a girl interested" .. she replied "Oh really, send me her fb".. he never sent it, and he asked for a sexy pic of my GF, she said "Sure, later I'll send it" ... she never did.
This was when I got mad, when I saw the "HEy I found a girl interested" ... I got really shaky, and actually got really mad... we talked about it, she said, why do I get mad if he knows Im never gonna see him, or even wants to do that. Then aftr talking for a while she admitted "Well, maybe it is me who is doign things wrong, thats why it never works out" ..
So she promised me to make things better, that I would slowly see the changes.
What do you guys think?
Oh, to all of these.. she didn't told me about the "Hey I found a girl interested" mssg, I had to find out, but I saw when the message arrived, she just didn't opened it. She actually got mad that the guy sent her that, and she apologized for hiding that from me, she didn't want to cause any trouble.

Hey man, what's with the jealousy? Are you really letting this girl get to you? Is she the kind of woman worth spending so much time and energy for? At first glance she seems like the Playette that gets off the attention she receives from men and does not really care about how her flirting makes you feel. And don't think for a second that you can TALK a woman into something... It's either there, or not... Hope this helps!

I believe you have the wrong mindset:

You're letting her get to you. It should be clear to the both of you that you don't care how many guys hit on her, because you know that you're the very best she can get. And IF she cheats, you dump her and move on to something better.

Stop showing that this is affecting you. Stop mentioning it or asking her about messages from other guys. Halve the amount of times you see her. Work on your passion, on yourself.

She will wonder: "does he have other options?", "why doesn't this get to him?", you will be signaling higher value; raise attraction. The way you act now DECREASES attraction.

Tell me how it goes.

In this thread and the last I've been trying to figure out why your girl needs to do this and for the life of me I can't!

There's just no need. There's certainly no justifiable reason!

The way I see it is that she obviously needs to feel wanted. Have you tried withdrawing your attention from her? I mean properly withdrawing it!


I'd just straight up say that it's not normal behaviour and the more she does it the less attracted you feel towards her. Then withdraw attention and freeze her out for a week or so. No girl wants to feel unattractive and retarded.

All this stuff about how she can't see what she's doing wrong is utter bullshit!


Put it this way, if you where dating a girl and did what your current gf is doing to you do you think that girl would still be going out with you? Shed dump you ASAP and find someone else and I bet you'd get oneitis.

See this is what I don't get. Ok so he just withdraws his attention from her. But why does this necessarily mean she'll want it back from him. Wont she just switch to the new guy on the scene?

Yes there's a good chance she might do that. However if she does then he's better off without her anyway as she was obviously not interested.

If she's the girl for him then she would be afraid of losing him plus she's the one in the wrong. I dont think the op is unjustly paranoid as she is fuelling it.

Did she also has a lot of exes?

I think your girl is the freak type on the "Good" "Freak" "Hoe" chart.

Freaks usually need constant validation from others in order to feel good about themselves, usually these girls are sluts and when they get bored they dump your ass.

She is very disrespectful towards you and you should freeze her out for this bullshit, not getting jealous is one thing but this is pure disrespect on her end and should not be tolerated, your not a dog.

PLEASE WHATEVER YOU DO, do not fall for the i will change bull-crap! THis is who freaks are and always will be until they will settle down in there mid 20s or so. So don't believe a word she says to you! The way she treats you says it all, promises are easy but making it happen is another.

Please keep us posted my friend and my advice would be freeze out for 3 days or break up with this freak and find yourself a good girl who is loyal.

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Do not make external things like girls define your happiness or you will live a harsh life. Keep doing what you love and keep improving as a man.

If i was you Decassum i'd print out this bit and stick it to your wall so its the first thing you see when you wake up in a morning until it sinks in

Ok wihtout (totally) meaning to hijack this thread. Could you answer me this..?

I had been in a relationship for 11 months. She broke broke up with me 5 days ago and after a day of typical WHAAAAA from myself I pulled myself together and initiated no contact.

Two days later she texts me saying she can't believe that I have gotten over her so quickly.
But I also know through a friend that she seems to be almost certainly going to or atleast thinking of hitting the rebound button with one of her orbitters.

I perhaps stupidly told her that I wasn't over her and I didn't want to be over her. I just knew I needed to get some shit together before I would be a good boyfriend again.

I maintained radio silence as much as I could, didn't call her, completely shut off my facebook. But replied to the odd text she sent me, only if she texted first though, and even then I tried to be brief.

Fast forward to this evening and she is arranging to see me for lunch tomorrow. I sorted fake time constraints and I'm picking her up tomorrow...


I definitely want this relationship back. She is honestly perfect for me. I would like to marry her. But what do I do now? What do I do about the orbitter? Ignore it/him? Am I approaching this the right way?

Any andvice would be appreciated.

Stop responding to everything. Now. Cancel lunch, make up some bullshit excuse. Do not contact her, at all. Do not respond to her, at all. Right now, she knows she still has you wrapped around her finger. Yeah, you can say that isn't the case and you keep things brief when you talk blah blah blah, but we both know the truth. She indeed does control you right now. That is bad. You need to shift the control to yourself. You started doing this when you initiated no contact the first time around, and it worked. But then you bit on her breadcrumbs and she then realized she had you right where she wanted you. As long as you're still taking the bait, and she is still handling the strings, she can experiment with this "orbiter" as you call it. If he turns out to be a winner, you're gone. If he is a dud, you're second best, and she'll come back. Congrats? I think not, I wouldn't want to be second best to someone I was dating. Do this now, before it's too late.

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The hottest ginger you'll ever meet.

I don't have an ego, I just love how awesome I am.

Ok, say I did cancel lunch. What do I do then? How long do I no contact for?

Surely without hearing from me she will move on anyway. Would it not be normal for her to think 'Oh, harkachu didn't actually want to see me again anyway, I guess he has moved on, I guess I should too?'

I know what your saying. And everything I have read on this seems to point to it being the sensible thing to do. But wont it just make me lose her faster? I really don't want to lose her. Yeah its oneitis but so what?

The reason we broke up had a lot to do with things I hadn't done which I am well on the way to correcting, more for myself than for her. Should I show her any sign of this?

Also its been suggested to me that I write her a letter discussing where things went wrong and taking responsibility for things that were totally my fault (they were).

Also its our 1 year anniversary coming up on June 1st, do I send her some of her favourite flowers (she thinks I don't know what they are)?

Finally, we have Chilli Peppers tickets for the 23rd of June (its been her dream to see them play live). How do I handle that. Taking someone else would almost certainly lose her for good. Especially as the tickets were a Christmas present from me to her.

I am happy with how awesome I am, I had temporaily forgotten it, lol. I am filling my life with great stuff, working out loads. I am changing my job. And I am learning a new language (her second language that she speaks fluently). Does this all mean I still whipped? Am I not doing this all for myself. I feel like I am, because I know it will help me in the future regardless of whether she choses to come back.

I just really don't want to blow it.

I could handle getting back with her while she is still in control because I think there is still an opening for me to take control back and change the frame.

I really need some more advice on this.

I have read some contradicting stuff on this over the last few days. Some say I need to get back with her as fast as possible before she sleeps with rebound guy, whomever he may be. Some say I need to leave it up to a month before I consider getting back with her, and allow her any sort of rebound. But surely this will mean she will just build emotional ties to whomever she first sleeps with on a regular basis?


I should also mention she has abandonment issues over her father leaving 5 years ago and breaking contact with her. Its for this reason that I think I need to tread carefully.

Aaargh, brain overload!

You have pedastalized her, set her up as the prize.

You are the prize....

Go read Roissy's, Sharks and Tomassi's blogs as well as 15 lessons by Pook

Digest.

Go for a long run, hit the gym, start a new book and go flirt with some other girls

She tried to rearrange the time, then to postpone to another day. and was taking ages to reply, so:

Bam! I told her "you know what, you don't want to go, so let's just forget it. I'll have lunch with someone else."

Immediate reply of "What the fuck?"

Followed straight after by "Fine go have lunch with someone else, and you can most definitely forget about me!"

Now she is calling my phone.

What do I do?

Do not answer it. See above.

I'm not sure if that would have been the route to take, as now it seems like you hold a grudge against her. Which means her actions still effect you. But no worries, keep no contact and do not answer her little breadcrumb messages. Keep on making yourself a better person, give it a month or two. Go out and meet new people - socialize. She WILL notice, even if you guys aren't talking. She will ask your mutual friends about you, she will stalk your Facebook (which you should turn back on, don't let her be the reason you deactivated it). She will try all sorts of tactics to get you to talk to her, from acting mean, sad, lovey, and spiteful. Do not fall for any of this, keep no contact. Actions speak louder than words, and when she is really ready to try to win you back again, you'll know.

Don't dwell on the reasons for the breakup. She decided to end it, she is the one who has to work towards regaining your trust again. Right now, that can't happen. Emotions are high, not the time to rebuild a relationship. Don't worry about a rebound, they don't mean anything. They are around for validation; she needs to know someone else wants them. You have close to one year with her, someone she dates for a couple weeks isn't even a blip on the radar.

As far as the concert goes, play it by ear. If the tickets were a gift, they are hers. Give them to her. Who knows, she might still invite you along when the time comes. That will let you know she wants to work things out. But I wouldn't take any less time apart.

Do not write a letter. Do not blame yourself for the breakup. Do not contact her, at all. This is what is best for YOU, and YOU are the only person you should worry about right now.

Keep your head up, breakups are tough. But you need to let her miss you before she can want you.

_________________
The hottest ginger you'll ever meet.

I don't have an ego, I just love how awesome I am.