Hey,

This is a frequent problem on all my relationships. I had 2 girlfriends and several open relationships with girls and I can never enjoy them at 100%.

When Im with a girl I cant stop thinking about her past: who she used to make out with, who she used to had sex with, who she loved, who she liked, etc.
I used to be fat and shy for several years, and during that time all my gf´s and dates were with guys and enjoyed her life and I cant stand that.

I know is selfish and inmature but keeps happening to me every time I try to settle down or at least enjoy an open relationship with some girl I like.

With my ex gf I -naively- tried to offset that by cheating her. It worked somehow, but made me feel terrible and ended up making it all worse.

Altough I know that I should focus on my present, enjoy the moment, etc, I cant deal with it and makes me feel awful on every relationship, at the point that I cant stand the girl considering her a slut or something.

I know is a huge problem, and after reading my post I feel like an idiot but I really need to improve on this or I wont be able to settle down with any girl.

Does anyone have the same problem? how do you deal with it?

Thanks in advance

Just remember EVERYONE has a past, including YOU! put yourself in their shoes, maybe they would not like to hear about the chicks you banged. You cannot go back in time, or look forever for a virgin LOL god luck with that one!

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Dude I know just how you feel.

It really screws me up.

What you've just gotta remember is that she's with you now, you're the most important guy in her life.

The more time you spend together, the less imporant those things are because they fall deeper and deeper into the past.

I've never really found a way to deal with this but you've gotta just move on and put it behind you.

Never bring it up or try and use it to get at her. That's the most Beta thing you could do. Try not to be sulky.

Good luck man.

Let's turn the tables a second. You've had sex with more than one girl.. does that mean that you love each new girl less than the last one? Obviously, not.. because people don't work that way. Rationally, you understand this.

Unfortunately, you have big insecurities when it comes to other guys.. probably due to growing up "fat and shy" as you put it. Therefore, you fear them.. even when they are figments in the girls past. Subconsciously, you can't believe that she could like you more than she likes other guys.

Now, what can you do about this? Well, on some level.. this will go away as you get more confident around women (better at managing relationships). However, if you are looking for something more proactive, then you should consider sending a PM to Illuminatus (over at fasterseduction.com). Helping guys with really serious inner-game issues is his specialty. Personally, I've never had to deal with this so anything I tell you would be keyboard-jockeying.

-Wolf

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Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html

I know where the OP is coming from. I'm a confident guy, though, so I don't know if it has anything to do with inner game.

I think it's an empathy thing. I completely expect a woman to have gone through trial and error before meeting me. That's life and it's normal.

If I'm casually dating someone, I don't care. Whether I'm emotionally invested, I don't ask, but if I am emotionally invested it can get to me.

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"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

I totally understand what you are going through. MY gf has told me about her past etc. about her one night stands and past relationships. I even know she lied to me about the name of her past ex etc. she made up a whole story about him cheating on her etc. BUt the fact is 'i think' she was the girl cheating etc ( her being wild and uber sexual ). But the fact she couldn't be completely honest with me I THINK is because that's behind her.
She loves the shit out of me and wouldn't want to scare me away by telling me that.
SO I haven't and probably won't confront her with that either.

But yes, the thought of her being all young and going on holidays and giving some guys a BJ and having some one night stands etc. and maby even cheating on someone in the relationship, fucks me up aswell. It's mega hard and yes I hope it will go away. Now I just have to man up and suck it in. grrrrrr!!!!!! I wish I felt how I did before I became emotionally invested in her, I just didn't care back then.

ANy help would be much appreciated :p

OP this could all just be you projecting your own emotional insecurities onto her. Maybe you don't trust a decision within yourself not to cheat or sleep around, but rather than focus on yourself in that regard, you project that onto her and create situations and images in your mind where you tell yourself she can't be trusted because of her past. Maybe you can't decide whether you want a long term relationship yet, or whether you want to have casual sex with many partners. You are conflicted because both seem to have their benefits, but you aren't being decisive as to which one you really want. So you get in these relationships thinking all will be well, but history keeps repeating itself and no matter who you are with you end up with this same problem.

The best gift you can give to someone else is the relationship you have with yourself.

Same here. I'm pretty confident guy but have jealousy issues also. It's getting better with time though.