Now that I have broken up with her (finally), I am quite amazed both at how things played out and how much I took from her.

I suspect most people will say fuck it and move on, but I think if nothing else I am trying to figure it out so I can make sure I don't attract the same shit again.

Summary: 4 month relationship, started off great and got pretty serious, and last month or so of absolute torture.

Torture was she basically started doing a lot of flaking/re-scheduling etc but she was always the one asking me out in the last month or so.

If she wasn't interested then why ask me out? If she wanted to be wined and dined then why meet late at a dive-y place when we had plans at a decent restuarant earlier. If she wanted out, then why not just do what most girls do, flake, not return calls, and never initiate. She's very reserved and a bit of a nerdy doctor type (but terribly sexy when she wants to be) so she hid her emotions really well. Very hot and cold (perhaps she was a psycho).

Even when I did the speech that we should take a break because timing is just not good right now as she is prepping for an exam and so forth, her reaction was pretty underwelming.

Have people encountered such situations? Where they don't want out, keep initiating to meet, and show lackluster effort to move it forward. I guess she just wanted to have the idea of a boyfriend but not really have one. Can't even say she used me for anything because I definitely didnt do the excessive wining/dining

I am pretty sure I got played but the amazing thing is I still have no clue what her deal was after the fact.

yeah ive come across that before and in my afc days it was a nightmare trying to figure out why and what and if---now i just accept that some of them are genuine when they say '' girls really dont know what they want''i also accept that most of this type are weirdos and bird brained idiots that i will never figure out and that its a waste of time even trying

She's a really smart chick when it comes to books and acheivement but a total weirdo when it comes to conveying any consistent pattern of interest or disinterest. I'm still convinced she kept me around to torture me or fuck with my head

your gut feeling is almost always right,
there are quite a few of them out there that get more of a buzz or ego trip or fun or whatever ya call it --i think you know what i mean--than if you had given her multiple orgasims and great sex every night they would prefer to mess with your head or dump you knowing that youll be upset--they are weird and there are quite a few of them

Thanks dude.

The problem is I don't know what my gut is telling me. I think sometimes it seems obvious she was not into and sometimes it seems she was but was scared. the breakup was basically to bring things to a head and say look things as they are don't work for me. If she feels some remorse, persumably she will get back in touch, if she doesn't i guess the cruel and unusual punishment was the correct answer.

I had a couple thoughts: First, she doesn't seem like the type of girl you'd want to get in a monogamous relationship with. Second, you should have frozen her out the first time she flaked on you (i.e. "soft next", hopefully you did). Third, I'm curious about her dating history and whether she was a freak, ho, or good girl. Fourth, I'm curious to know how often you saw each other in the first 3 months and how often you had sex.

I feel like there are two many variables we don't know so it's hard to give any advice on the situation. She might just be low-drive or she might have just lost attraction (or she might have been seeing other guys or she might just be crazy). It's hard to tell just from the info in your initial post.

-Wolf

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Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html

Well it was pretty hot and heavy in the first 3 months, but then she got busy doing job interviews, and then preparing for a big exam and the physical/connection has been fizzling out.

I'd describe her as a HSE LD, which is a decent type to marry I think. As far as whether she was meeting other guys, hard to say. We weren't really going steady anyways and i met a couple of chicks in the last month so don't care to much if she did or not.

Based on my experience with good girls and wild girls, I'd describe her as a good girl who lost her attraction when I started acting like a weak AFC guy, but she wouldn't let go of me either.

Mostly i just wanted to cut the chord to bring things to a head. As is it was not going anywhere so I used the excuse that she's busy with her studying and finishing her residency and maybe we should just take a break because timing is not good. I reckon now I can meet other chicks and just not focus on her and see what happens down the line. I suspect the only way things could improve is if she approaches me in the future, and not me approach her.

I had a russian chick I never figured out who did this to me. I think it's a combination of flakiness and confusion about what they are really looking for.

But why not get a little mad at her, I mean, she's the one who's being weird. I just call girls out when they act weird.

I talked to her about it so many times dude. She would say I am interested in making this work but I am under a lot of pressure with this big exam coming up and going through a very busy rotation at work. Both of those things are true, so hard to hold that against her. just met her at a weird time. She's finishing her long program soon. maybe the lesson is, don't date medical school chicks. they are all fucked up. or don't take it seriuosly for a while. Wolfwood is right, i totally didn't play her flakes the right way. Should've frozen her out a while back. Now the only route was for me to break up.

Um, isn't that a little extreme?

Just ask her when she's gonna be done with all that shit and call her then?

Well...I didn't say let's break up, I said obviously you are very busy with your studies and residency right now, so maybe we should take a break so you can concentrate on your work and we can try to do a fresh start when things look better timing-wise. I just think it's bad timing right now. Plus i want to create some space and distance from all of my stupid afc mistakes and her flakes. Otherwise she keeps doing this thing of luring me back in by wanting to meet up and then getting busy with work.

Yeah, I can see with commitments and all.

Well busy or not, flaking on a date last minute is not acceptable (granted it's hard to complain if she's stuck at the hospital saving lives). She's definitely taken me for granted and her actions show she's sometimes into this sometimes not. I know it's easy for me to say, because I'm not in her situation work-wise, but dude it doesn't much to show you are thinking about the other person. She's a bit reserved with her emotions and I know she is scared to be vulnerable too much to someone she doesn't know too well (I used to be that way as well and I can relate to that). Either way I was too obsessed with her, behaving too much like chump and everyone, including my sister and some female friends said this is the best way to get over the bad stuff while she's busy.

plenty of more grains of sand on the beech bro

Yeah I agree and i appreciate your advice.

I guess it's just a tricky game we play. in the PUA community we are encouraged to just cut the chord and move on when we lose balance or chick doesn't comply etc, but the shitty thing about that is, in relationship game i don't really want to treat every chick as just a random pair of shoes that I throw away. It's kind of ironic that the girls that I don't give a shit about are so good to me, and the ones I really like and want to really be with, I become an AFC and lose them. Don't want to generalize but I really don't want to be so detached that I never really allow myself to fall in love with a girl. I enjoy the single life when I have it and I hooked up a nice yoga chick this week (sex was great), but if i settle down I don't mind taking the risk that I might get destroyed trying to make it work or she may betray me later on. that's one of the risks you have to take in life if you want a real spouse/partner