Hello everyone, out of desperation I decided to consult with you guys on this matter:
I've been dating a girl for a month now, we started dating on Feb 4th, little less than a month back she had finished up with her boyfriend. And things were fine, until the ex found out that she had another boyfriend. He started stalking her basically through text, phone, facebook. He complained to her things that happened in her relationship, how it was a game to her, how he feels, etc etc etc... Now she is the kind of girl that isn't mean, she can't say to him "fuck off" she wanted to keep him as a friend. I had to block him on facebook because he was reading my profile and complaining to her about what was writen there. Now, I've been very patient with this, but in my mind Ive tought of answering her phone when he calls, calling him, send him a message on facebook but I haven't done it. My mother says I should stay out, and that sooner or later things will work out. He even stalks her at school, finds her car, finds her, and she gets mad about it, but she can't be rude to him.
I am at a loss here, its starting to bother me. Today she was arguing for over 20 mins with him, and its bad for her health (SHe has diabetes) to get angry, and I was worried.
What can I do? What's a good approach to dealing with this kid?

In some other topic I had very similar question and one of the guys said to me that to not project my insecurities onto others, she may also throw a really tough shit test into your direction to check how strong you will be in confronting her ex (on emotional level), knowing that they had something ''special''
In my last relationship my GF ex was coming to her to borrow him money, and she did(stupid cow), and I also had a similar stories, then he give the money back and was saying stuff regarding to him and her, she was saying everything to me and on some point it didn't bother me anymore. When she said this story about him visiting her and asking for the money which she give it to him, this is how our conversation looked like:

She: you know my ex ask me bla bla bla money bla bla bla and he was bla bla bla and he said that i will get the money back bla bla bla
Me: you are an idiot(keep the frame, very important)
She: why? how can you bla bla bla
Me: you have been together and you know ho is he about the money,(and on that stage I cut the whole subject and went with doing something else or talking about something else).
In the end its was her problem and she has to deal with that not me,
Hope that it will help a bit.
PS. I can't remember where I heard this but ''Whoever care less in the relationship has more power''
Ali.

Man, I'm getting deja vu here.. I'm pretty sure I recently respond to a post that was just like this, but I couldn't find it.

Bottom line: It's not your job to solve your girlfriend's problems. She wont thank you for it and there's really nothing you can do about it. It's her problem and she's the one that continues to see him and talk to him.

If it really bothers you that much, then here's just about the only thing you can do: tell her that if she wants to continue to see you, then she has to completely cut this guy out of her life. No texting, e-mails, facebook or anything like that. Tell her that you don't even want her to talk ABOUT him to you. If she does any of those things in the future, then you break up with her and go date somebody else. That's it. In order to change a relationship you have to risk losing it.

This is not about the guy. This is about your girlfriend's behavior.

-Wolf

_________________
Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html

I believe 'whoever cares the least in the relationship controls it' was Matt hudson. At least that's where I read it from.

I felt pangs of recognition when I read the words, "She's not mean, she can't just tell him to fuck off." I've known a lot of girls who have used this defense.

I've seen girls give their numbers out to guys in front of their boyfriends because they "don't want to be mean." I've seen them invite their ex's to parties, events etc - despite the fact their boyfriend doesn't want him there - because they "don't want to be mean."

I don't like to consider myself a possessive or protective partner but I draw the line here. I would not put up with this behavior. She's too nice to tell him to fuck off despite the annoyance he's causing? That's pathetic. Tell her to take control of the situation. If she still can't, call him up or better yet, meet him face to face and tell him if his behavior doesn't stop you're going to fuck him up.

No hard feelings, but i've been throught the same two times, and guess what ? in both times i ended up finding out that she's still into her ex, and they are occasionally fucking behind my back.

She can't be rude to him ? dude, that's a pathetic excuse, think about it.

P.S: no matter how much you try to feel "patient" about it, you'll eventually get mad.

You gotta let her sort it out....


But at the same time you gotta NOT put up with crap. If it bothers you, walk away.. If she really is interested in you, not him. She'll make the right choice.

My advice?----> DUMP HER.

You just don't want to get involved into this situation.

If she cannot tell him to fuck off now she will NEVER tell him to fuck off. He will ALWAYS intervene in your relationship and he will ALWAYS be the important one no matter what you do or say. He will be there to dictate your relationship. You will always be the third person in this relationship. He is in love with her and she is gentle to his feelings....

And she will also be gentle to his feelings when he is going to ask for a goodbye sex.... EACH TIME!!! ... Each one of the goodbyes until it is over between them. And even then you will not be the first choice. What you think or what you feel it won't matter. He might return back one day and she will be AGAIN gentle to his feelings and she will not say no for a "let's remember the good old times" sex.

If you two have an argument she will run into his arms and if she feels insecure that you might leave her she will have sex with him just to keep things going on with him so she doesn't stay alone and she is not the "weak person". You will try to work into the relationship and she will do her best to get her way in everything not caring about the relationship at all. And there i will be nothing you can do to punish her or to reward her. She will have HIM doing that so it will be take it or leave it Mr!. Do you understand how bad it can turn?

Now THINK!!!!:

She cannot be mean to him to block him off but she is incredible mean to YOU and she puts you go through all this heartache. Can you spot the controversy there? How can she NOT be mean to him and she can be mean to YOU?? So she is capable to be mean. She just doesn't direct it into the right direction. Can you see how she is lying to you? How she is manipulating you to be there so she can have control of both of you?

Is he truly a stalker that doesn't leave her alone? Then she should just block HIM on facebook, not you! nd if he insists she should call the police. All the rest are excuses so she can fuck him behind your back. That's the only way she can deal things on her own and that's the only way things will work between you and her.

Run away from her as fast as you can. Block her, change YOUR number.. do whatever it takes.

P.s. While you feel upset and worried i am sure she is feeling cool and proud of herself having two guys chasing after her. It makes her feel important and it is a great ego boost. If you let this relationship continue you might even catch her cheating on you and most possibly with the ego that will be one with the floor you might forgive her and she will flaunt about it forever!

Im glad I didn't followed maria_ advice...
This is a past issue, that has been dealt with. Thanks (:

Can I ask how the situation was resolved?
What did you learn from this?

To be honest I didn't do anything, I let her sort it out herself, although I did told her that he was interferring with our relationship.
She told him she didn't want to talk to him again, or see him or hear about him. Hung up the phone and it was over.
I just stood my ground, tried to stay confident and supportive.
I also had a jealous attack a few weeks ago and she became sad by it, to which I said to myself to relax. Now I stick in my head that she is with me and not with anyone else.
Ive found out that no matter if you feel insecure on the inside, proyecting your insecurities make girls drift away. So, I've learned or am learning to control my insecurities and keep them in my head.

Nice job, that's really the only way to handle it at all. My gf also had "ex" issues, however in time it was sorted..

I get it, I had ex issues too.. these people usually play quite a part in your life and although it's not hard (for me) to disconnect the emotional tie.. it sometimes does take time to completely remove them.

I think if your not completely heartless there is this period of time which will linger.. the trick is to notice and understand when it is appropriate and inappropriate.. You'll find a lot of people are very quick to say "dump her" but the reality is.. this is real life.. people are weak and "put off" making decisions, hard decisions!

be supportive, she's with you.. cos she wants to be.

It's not a matter of being heartless. You're building the foundation of a new relationship and new trust. You shouldn't be rude to your ex if you run into them, or if they wish you a happy birthday or whatever. But you both parted ways and they should have the respect to give you space to start that foundation.

And if you're the person in the relationship and you need to talk to your ex while you're dating this new person, then, well...maybe you should rethink the whole thing.

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

I liked maria_'s advice. Maybe not have dumped her imo, but certainly walked away a bit telling her that she can move on, or fuck off. And see what she chooses.

I liked it how maria put that she was being mean to you but not to him. imo. Ex's are ex's for a reason. end of.

_________________
Law of Attraction

She made some good points, although not particularly what was my situation. She wasn't being to me, or at least I didn't felt it that way, if you would have seen how she yelled at the ex over the phone, that's a different thing. I did walked away one time, I stepped out of the car, to which she responded by hanging up and coming with me.