Hey guys, i could really do with your help on this. Might be a bit of a long read im afraid...

Background:
So I was in a long distance relationship for about 9 months. Before the Long distance started i was only with the girl for 3 months but we were very close friends for 2 years previously. She went abroad to study.

She will be abroad for another 6 months so while the distance was ending, it was not anytime soon.

We broke up last weekend. It kinda caught me off guard so at the time i was pretty upset and confused etc and while we parted on friendly terms there was alot unsaid.

Now, as far as i can work it out we still have very strong feelings, we just cant handle the distance anymore. Even after breaking up we were very close, very into one another. I had to go catch my plane in the evening and while i was at hers during the day we had sex and spent the day as a definite couple.

Having said that i do feel like we need to break up and try to move on. I just know that as we are definitely going to see each other in the future and that we both definitely still have feelings, atleast at the moment, that i am likely to end up trying to game her and i want to believe i can still be with her. Yeh its one-itis but sue me. i will deal with that, its only been a week so far!

So for now she wants to meet up while shes back in the country for a few days in april. Im not sure what to do.

I dont know what to do here, these are my options as far as i can tell:

1. I could send her a message saying i accept the breakup and think its for the best, feel free to contact me in the meantime but for now, see you in a month.

2. I could send a longer message saying its cool but that i think our only problem was distance so dont expect me to just forget how good we are when we can be together. essentially lay out my point of view

3. I could send no message atall, and just let her hang until i see her in a few weeks and if i want to, still game her a little then and just enjoy it. (to be honest i feel i could do with the closure of sending her something, would this be wrong though?)

At the end of the day i know that if we're ever gonna get back together, it will be in atleast 6 months time, from a brand new standpoint and that this can only happen if i move on. I also know that unless i do move on Ill be a miserable, boring cunt for 6 months and then potentially continue to be so even after that.

So what do you think guys? Im pretty all over the place in my head, not sure whether or not to send any message and if i do what to say in it. Any advice would really be appreciated.

Id also be interested in your opinions on whether or not i should meet up. If i do, i might be able to game her and sleep with her which, while not a priority, would be a kinda cool way of proving the feelings to both of us.

Whatever, im pretty confused so any input would be great.

End of the day a girl doesn't want a guy with no balls. If you sit around moping she will look at you thinking, what a loser. Get on with your life, be successful and then she will want you what ever. And she is going to come back at some point? or your going to go back? whatever, if your back in the same place and you have been a man with a mission and honoured that, then she will want you. End of.

_________________
Law of Attraction

If she was the one who broke up with you, she doesn't want to be with you. One way or another it's a truth you have to face. If a girl WANTS to be in a relationship with you, she will try to make it happen.

You'll have to get over the Oneitis forcefully. Heartbreak is a part of life. I know it's tough, but it makes you a man. Those of us who've gone through it know it's a badge of honor, not something to feel pathetic or ashamed over.

Right now treat it casually. Don't "lay out your point of view;" that's your rationalization for trying to argue logically for a relationship. You CANNOT "convince" a girl to be in a relationship with you or that you guys are "good" together. Just because you guys acted like a couple for a while or had secks does NOT mean she is interested enough for a relationship. She probably does not want to be bogged down while studying abroad, or has felt limited previously and now wants to enjoy her freedom in another country. You have to let go.

After the 6 months of time, you guys might get back together. But within that time, it is CRUCIAL that you learn to live without her. You can't be happy with someone until you learn to be happy on your own.

And more importantly, fuck other girls. I know it's crude, but you need to keep the aura that you're preselected up, and help yourself realize that there are other people out there. And in the event that SHE has hooked up with someone else, it will bring MUCH MORE resentment to the table if you haven't. If you DO want a chance at making it work with her in the future, you'll have to really let her go for now.

_________________
My Blog: www.solvemygirlproblems.com

I got out of a long distance relationship about a year ago. What I'm about to tell you is the best course of action. I don't know you, but I know your situation.

Don't call her.

Don't listen to her when she asks if you can be friends.

Don't respond to any attention-seeking, validation-craving texts.

Don't answer her calls. Disappear.

"I miss you" are three words. That's it. They mean nothing. When they are sent to you, and they will be, don't react.

If you have fun with girls, and the picture is taken, let it be public on facebook. Don't screen her from any positivity you're experiencing. Don't put it out there yourself, but don't hide it either.

She made this decision, and she wants you to make it easier on her. Don't. The guy above me is right; she broke up with you.

Go out and game other girls, and one day when she says "I made a mistake. I want to get back together with you", and she WILL!...you can make up your mind then. But she WON'T do that unless you do what I've just written.

Good luck.

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

You have caught yourself wondering, “why the fuck isn’t this affecting her as much as it is me?” “Why is she already talking to other guys?” “Is she really over me that quickly?”

The reason why she’s so much better at handling the breakup is simple.

As explained before through various posts, women are far more naturally attuned to the crimson arts, and their genetic programming predisposes them to a strong grasp over social dynamics. So after a break up, what are you supposed to do? Act aloof? Make your ex jealous? Make your ex think like this shit isn’t affecting you at all?

As guys, you have to LEARN all of this from a site like SMGP and until someone like me kicks your AFC ass into acting in the appropriate way, a la amused mastery; your immediate inclination is to digest your dignity and slide into a bucket of beta shit.

Women do NOT need to learn this stuff from a website or practice it. They know it inside it and out; it is somatically ingrained into their behavior and their understanding of the world. So after a break up, she is naturally inclined to try and look better, to act aloof, to get a rebound, to make you jealous; to doing all the right things that will make you want her back or regret your decision. YOU on the other hand, the Matrix owns your balls. YOUR first inclination is to call her and beg for her back; just like you’ve been conditioned into believing is the optimum way to fix a damaged relationship.

Exceptions exist, but this is typically why women are better at dealing with break ups. Ultimately, lines will be drawn, a girl in love is a girl in love, and a broken heart is a broken heart. Give it a few pushes and a bit of patience, and she will break. Their natural viscosity in social dynamics comes with a catch; their mastery over themselves is far more limited.



As for shit you can do, I listed 10 below.

1. Work out. Not in whatever way you want. FIND a work out or design one, and follow it strictly.

2. Read. Not really sure why this helps SO MUCH. I mean, I know reading’s good for you, but it has some sort of magical effect on your personality and mental health. Don’t just read the newspaper and magazines. Make a list of subjects like “the classics, philosophy, sci-fi” and then pick 1 book per subject to read. Aim for a book every week. Within 3 months you’ll be a new man.

3. Approach. A no-brainer, but with one caveat. Don’t make closing your goal. Just approaching. If you approach, you’ve “won.” It detaches the need to actually “CLOSE,” which mitigates the approach anxiety that comes with having to re-acclimate yourself to the field. Remember you’re heart broken, take advantage of the aloofness that should naturally accompany your grief.

4. Eat Healthy. Combined with your workout, it should grant you the physique you want. I’d say preferably adopt a testosterone diet, and keep track of both your diet and your workout on a notebook. You want to set goals, both long term and short term, and be able to check them off.

5. Drop the fapping. You’ll need to reinvigorate your energy to get over your Oneitis, fapping won’t help. You’ll slowly find yourself fapping to pornos with girls that look like your ex; crying the whole way through.

6. Create something. There are three major categories here. Start a business, create a masterpiece (music or art), or cultivate a skill (in a sport or activity). If you think it’d be worth it to spend all your energy on your job instead, you can divert your focus there. If you’re younger, do something you can add on your resume or that can benefit you in the long-term.

7. Do one thing crazy every month. Jump out of a plane, free rock climbing, deep sea diving, etc. Doesn’t actually have to be a month, up to every three months is ok. But keep moving forward.

8. Write. Journalize your thoughts. The intellectual ones, not your daydreams about your ex. If you don’t have time to keep a journal, put your thoughts as comments here. Anything you want.

9. Make aesthetic changes in your life. A simple matter, but the essence of change around you will make a difference. If your pad has always looked like a sump of throbbing goat heave, take this as an opportunity to make it look presentable.

10. Don’t get addicted to anything.

thanks to everyone who has replied, i value everyone's opinion on this and im grateful to all.

overall you are all right in so far as i need to get over her and move on. i know this but i do need a kick up the ass occasionally so thanks haha.


cheers caveman, you're right.

@Hakuna
You're very correct buddy, thanks for laying it out. I do see that i have nothing to explain to her or say really and i dont plan to. Nothing to "lay out." I fully intend to move on and get used to and enjoy life without her. I know this is indirectly the best chance of getting back with her anyway and if that doesn't happen i win anyway coz im happy.

@Dr. Jones
Great advice here too, really grateful for it especially as you understand the situation. I am good at playing games so i dont have a problem with many of these points, im just second guessing myself alot at the moment.
But i wont call or text her asking for her to reconsider. I have accepted her decision about our relationship. Unfortunately i already agreed to try to stay friends - normally i would not do this but as we were close friends before getting together it was impossible to change this.
Im running the game of denying comfort and reassurance indirectly.


@Lambert thanks for your advice man, im really pleased to read it. Especially as im already doing alot of your 10 steps! To be honest im lucky, the fact we are in different countries means i really can get on with stuff and i dont really need to give a shit about what she's doing i guess haha.

You've all given me good advice and im grateful to all of you. Maybe you can give me one more?
I left it by not replying to her last text a few days ago and looking at it now i should have drawn a line then and there. As i did not i feel like i should send her something. I want to be very non-committal and give nothing away while remaining polite and essentially infallible, she put herself out there by saying i could contact her whenever i wanted and seeing as i didnt reply i dont wish to seem rude in the long run, i dont gain anything from that. I also think it would help me draw a line under things and just get on with life.

I dont see that i will lose anything by saying "hey, sorry i didnt realise i hadnt replied to your message, you know you can always contact me too, take care" and leaving it there. i have nothing else to say but going forwards i dont see any benefit to being rude. As per im not sure if i trust my own advice on this though so if this is hugely AFC or pointless then tell me now! haha

cheers again guys

Let me ask you something:

When she dumped you, did she ask you if it would be rude?

I know what you're feeling right now. Any counter-productive advice you get, you will turn down. And then later on, you'll realize it's what you should have done.

You don't owe her responses, prompt or otherwise.

When she was thinking about breaking up with you, she thought, "He may not want to speak to me ever again." She knew it was a possible outcome, and she went through with it.

I want you to hide her on facebook. Don't delete her. Then I want you to take your phone and change her name in your caller ID. Change it to "April 11". That's one month from today. Promise yourself you won't contact her in that time, AND...if when April 11th arrives and you still want to, do it.

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

It's so strange, how up to a few months ago I was so good with my game. Then tried a relationship which made me act like an AFC. I wish I had learnt more about relationships/girls before, then I'm pretty sure my relationship would not have been a fuck up. Or maybe less of one. Put it down to XP though. Back to fucking whoever xD

_________________
Law of Attraction

I'm going through a break up right now after a 4 year relationship. I'm not handling well at all. Cutting off all contact seems to be next to impossible for me because I fucked up and want it to work out.

One thing that is making it tough is that she wants to continue working on a work-related project with me. I'm obviously being an AFC if I continue working together with her on it.

Is my best bet here a total freeze out? Should I do a farewell email or something or just stop responding altogether?

Thanks all and sorry for the thread hijack

Do not ever tell someone you're forgoing communication with them. Be it in a letter, an email, over the phone. Just stop talking to them. Disappear. They will lack peace of mind not knowing what you're up to, and they deserve to be rattled by not having the knowledge.

Do you have to do this project with her?

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

That's good to know. I've seriously been playing this like a chump. Saying I'm going to cut contact, then going back on that, etc etc.

It's a creative project and not something that we HAVE to do.

So it sounds like it would even be best to get her talking to me casually and then disappear? Perhaps just in the middle of the project?

Thanks for the reply

This will get her back or piss her off that she never wants to talk to you again?

It will help this guy move on, which is the most important thing, without this chick using him as an emotional tampon.

She wanted to break up with him, and she wants his help to do it. Fuck that. If she feels guilt, maybe there's a reason?

Going from relationship to no relationship is as big a change for her as it is for you. She will glean off your friendship to get her by day to day. It is a life preserver while she waits for another boat to cruise by. Deprive her of it, and she will rethink what she did.

She will come back if you do this, and by then you can decide if she's worthy of your company or not. Don't fall for texts that say "I miss you". Wait for one that reads "I made a mistake. Let's get back together". Or a voicemail suggesting the same thing. If she doesn't try and get you back, it wasn't meant to be, but you'll have moved on anyway. Win-win.

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

Thanks Dr. Jones - you nailed it completely. Props (and rep) to you!

@Bagman, im sorry to hear bro. Im still hurting from my relationship ending but the good Dr is right, the girl doesn't deserve you being there to help her through this also. Severing contact forcefully is needlessly rude and hints at an inability to cope without that. Keep her guessing, just stop, she should get in touch. And if she doesnt then bide your time till you are ready, then wait a bit longer, and then go for it.

I realised something, I said to myself "look man, it's your job to get on with life and have fun, learn to enjoy it. Im learning and its not easy but you know what? Whether you get the girl back eventually or don't, you wont do anyone any favours by not getting over her." Yeh my situation seems different coz of distance but in reality it's no different atall - If a relationship ends, it's for a reason, if you don't get over the breakup then you have no chance in resolving the underlying reason. Don't think of getting back with a girl, don't think of contacting her. You owe her nothing and if she wants she'll come back to you. The best chance of that is to be a re-invigorated, happy guy.

No doubt ill have relapses to miserable and confused but do what im doing, hold on to the need to change and be happy man. If you never get back with her you will be fine, if you do, you will be fine. Either way you will come out more desirable. No matter what happens you will grow and develop from this. Good luck to anyone like me going through a break up, hit pm's if you want, keep each other strong. Remember the old truism (a truth is never cliche) "If you love someone set them free, and if it's meant to be they'll find their way back."

Best of luck to all, and thanks for all the helpful advice.
peace

Thanks for the advice.

Every time I think I'm good with cutting off all contact, I'll send her some pathetic text which she'll ignore. Then if I send her a completely neutral text, she'll respond.

Guess which text I sent most recently?

Just to be clear, doesn't matter when to cut it off, just cut it off? Or should I cut it off after bringing things to a neutral place?