We've been dating for about 9 months
She was really into me the whole time and I was kind of distracted/not as into her
She got really upset in finding out I'd have little meaningless conversations with random girls (one of them being my ex)
I never had any intention of cheating on her
Because of it, shits been weird the past couple months
I've honestly come to love and appreciate her way more during that time
She says things just aren't the same though, and she doesn't know if she feels the same about me anymore
She's going on vacation with her parents next week
I told her we should just take a break and not talk until she gets back and see how things are then

I'm really trying to just play it cool, but I miss the shit out of her, and I really truly want to get her back.

I haven't contacted her since I suggested we just take a break

I'm just afraid she'll get used to not talking to me and come back from this little trip with me not even being a thought in her head

I fucked up by not putting more effort into this in the beginning, and I really want to make up for it.

What do I do?

At first I was considering leaving maybe a note/flower/cheap-but-relevant gift on her car's windshield right before she went out of town, but now I'm kind of thinking like, fuck that... just no contact whatsoever, while balling out facebook wise in the meantime (you know, getting other attractive girls to comment on my shit/posting cool and witty shit)

Can I get you guys' opinions?

Its like, I genuinely dig this girl and would like to "game" her as little as possible, but I understand the necessary function of it




On a side note: I wonder if there was ever a time in history when this fucking bullshit "love" thing ever worked out for both parties equally. Every relationship I've been in it seems one partner is getting the short end of the stick.
I only realize this now because I'M the one getting the short end of the stick. In retrospect, all my exes went through hella emotional turmoil because of me. Now this chick has put ME in that position and its given me a totally new perspective on this dating bullshit.
Social media has GOT to play a major role in people getting together. My grandparents got married in a small town when they were like 18 and 20, had three kids, raised a happy healthy family, and are still together today.
I just wonder, had my grandpa had facebook/a cell phone/the internet, and all this other shit, would my grandmother still have seemed as enticing? or would he have tried to holler at a bunch of other girls, had a bunch of anti-climactic relationships, and wound up with some random chick who wasn't exactly a "soul mate," but was also at the marrying stage at the same time? I worry that's where I'm headed. Sorry for the rant.

You failed for a different reason than the one you think. The beginning of your relationship was PERFECT, she was interested in you while you were focusing on your life goals but still dedicated to her. The fact that you were having conversations with other girls just meant there was more secksual tension in your relationship, which is a GOOD THING. Jealousy burns the heart into passion.

You fucked up in the SECOND part. She withdrew from you as a way of drawing you out and monopolizing your attention; you took the bait and beta backslided all the way until her interest level was barely visible.

The reason why you've GROWN TO LOVE HER is not for some arcane deeper reason; it's a basic principle. You're human, and thus, you desire more what you cannot have. The more she pushed you away, the more you pulled back; which is the WRONG thing to do. remember relationships are counter-intuitive. This being said, you shouldn't freeze her out TOO MUCH. The key to a relationship is to strike that perfect balance between attraction/rapport, not being TOO AVAILABLE but also not being TOO ABSENT.

At this point you should freeze her out and pursue some one else while working on your other goals in life. She will notice the difference and come back to you. There is no lack of rapport in your relationship, she's just not interested and there's nothing DRIVING her towards you. What makes a girl ATTRACTED to a guy? Candy? Flowers? Cards? No. An unshakeable confidence to the point of a god complex, social proof, jealousy, OTHER GIRLS WANTING TO FUCK YOU, etc. You have to step your game up, not send her a mushy card with flowers.

_________________
My Blog: www.solvemygirlproblems.com

I wasn't expecting any replies nearly as good as that. You reinforced a lot of the things I had been considering. You nailed the "beta backslide" part right on the head. I'm totally aware that I did that, but I guess its a slippery slope and once I started sliding it just snowballed.

I haven't contacted her since I suggested the break, and I'm about to go on a little trip with a group of people, most that I've never met, to camp/surf for a few days. I plan on taking photos and putting only the most awesome ones on facebook. This will be good because new people will be in the (figurative and literal) picture.

I guess what I'm concerned with now is finding that balance; finding the extent to which I should freeze her out and how/how much to re-connect with her. I told her we shouldn't talk until she comes back from that trip with her parents. I did this mostly to be the one in control, determining when we should/shouldn't talk.

When she gets back, should I make any effort to contact her? Or should I continue to come off like I'm too caught up in the things I have going at the moment?

Again Hakuna, thanks for the post

And honestly after like the second day of not talking to her, I kind of shook off that whole lovey dovey thing. Not that I'm completely over it or anything like that, but I got out of that intense funk I was in where I was super hung up on it.

Being that shit was weird for a couple weeks before this happened, we didn't have sex before this break thing started. I really want to fuck again.

When I DO talk to her, would saying something like "I just feel like I got cheated out of some good healthy breakup sex," while being all joke-ish and smiling, be too much? Is there a better way to go about it?

im confused here, so when she was like i dont feel the same way about you anymore

what would restore the balance here? pulling in or pushing away?

would you like purposely get her jealous, social proof yourself?

good question....

im sorry to hear about your situation as i have experienced it as well..
unfortunately i became beta when she withdrew and it pushed her even further away from me.
i then decided to end the relationship to prevent any further heartache for myself.

i think you should use jealousy like the guys above me suggested..its probably the best weapon and would gain her interest back.