Been with gf for 8 months. Last 3 months we are fighting every few days. Most of the times its over nothing.

The latest shit has been that "we have nothing to say when we call each other and it makes me sad".. she said shes been feeling like that for a few weeks now.

I told her i dont like talking on the phone. She says she likes having long conversations and blablabl.. We talked about it and came to a compromise.

A few days later we fight again about nothing. I can feel her getting frustrated and shes now less affectionate in her texts, doesnt say i miss you or shit like that anymore, and is not eager to see me anymore as she used to.

Now I realise that I have to man up and just be the rock and stop being reactive and stop pinging off her and so for two days (snice our last fight) I have been that way.

But shes still kind of not the same.
My question is, will thigns return to the way they were ? or should i talk to her about it?

They might or they might not. Sometimes there is this dynamic of chasing in the relationships, one person is more invested, then it shifts, and back and forth. But I truly don't know and it sounds like it's cooling off and she's looking to pick fights so she can leave you. Maybe I'm wrong. But still, if it's draining you emotionally, just step back a little and reclaim what's yours, you life, stress-free environment, peace of mind etc. Put your self first and reevaluate if she fits into your world. Be honest with yourself.

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rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

A good guy on the forums said this once and I think it may apply to you...


It sounds like you are on the right track and that you know what you need to fix.

-Wolf

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Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html

I've been in the same situation as you this week, I have posted quite abit on relationship fourm asking for some advice. I've had some brilliant advice, So what I did when this happened to me was Freezed her out for a couple of days got my shit together sgined up to the gym did my hobbies then got back to her she just text me out the blue she misses me. So Txacoli is right put yourself first take a step back sometimes the only way forward is to go backwards.

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The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.

Well to be fair, it is me who has been picking the fights mostly.

I tend to be over complicated and overthink way too much. I have serious inner game issues I know.

I realise this and am know that I need to rise above that shit if I want the relationship to work.

But I agree with the dynamic that your talking about, and the problem is that I am now in the inferior chasing position because of the fact that Ive been in the wrong acting like a child recently.

I think I just have to man up and start leading. Shes testing me, testing my patience.

haha wofl; yea its messed up how I know all the theory but putting it into practice is not so easy. thx bra

Aloofness by itself in a corroding relationship doesn't play out well. ONLY freezing her out isn't enough because going no-contact requires preceding attraction, so that she misses you. If you only withdraw, there's a chance she'll reciprocate or grow resentful. No-contact works better when you FIRST see signs of lowered interest, to quickly galvanize a relationship growing semi-boring.

Instead, you're going to have to take some initiative. I recommend these three things:

1. Be a more unavailable / less needy
2. Get your shit together. Gym membership, promotion at work, etc. Not just hobbies, you need an increase in TANGIBLE SOCIAL PROOF. You need to show her that you're AMBITIOUS and MOVING UP.
3. Competitive anxiety. Get Another girl to like you. Always do this with a bit of plausible deniability, don't OVERTLY communicate your interest in other women (again, it'll build resentment). You want her to think, "other girls like him now, I need to step my game up." NOT "He's trying to cheat on me"

And go back to your charming-as-fuck attitude. Your girlfriend wants you to have an insatiable hunger for life and power, not to be that boring AFC who sites back and drones on in texting. You guys can still barely text each other or not talk on the phone, that's fine. BUT change the reason WHY. It shouldn't be because "I have nothing to talk about" it should be "I'm too busy writing obituaries for my enemies, be happy I'm giving you more than 20 seconds on the phone."

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My Blog: www.solvemygirlproblems.com

Yes good points Hakuna.

I was thinking the same thing; as in, im not just gonna go freezing her out. she will know whats up.

i have to rebuild the trust/comfort/attraction, and then i could freeze if i wanted but i dont think its necessary.

The thing is that ive already done some of the steps mentioned.

-i start a new job on monday
-renewed my rock climbing membership and getting a gym membership

BUT- i have a question regarding the be less available/less needy point.

My girl is the type who is super emotionally demanding. shes 20. she wants to feel special blablabla. Shes the type who if she feels neglected, will start feeling sad, her emotions will take over, she will conclude that she no longer loves me or something fucked up like that.

so, with these types of girls, whats the best way to go forwarD?

I know the type.

You have to distinguish between two types of emotional resentment. There's one that's genuine, there's not enough rapport in the relationship because you're playing up asshole game too much.

And there's the other, the type that girls will always throw at you because they crave the chemical rush of drama and dread.

I suspect in your situation, it's the latter. You can move forward the same way, the only thing is you need to OSCILLATE between dread and comfort, pain and pleasure. That's the key behind relationship game - striking that perfect balance between asshole/commitment, boredom/excitement, rapport/attraction. Keeping her in limbo, where she doesn't feel UNCONDITIONALLY LOVED, nor does she feel rejected.

She should always want from you. Never forget that the words "You don't call me enough" are infinitely better than "you call me too much."

As for this drama, don't worry about it. You have to understand that it's an INEVITABLE part of a relationship. Treat it with an attitude of amused mastery - you've seen it all, heard it all. If you had a parrot, would you get mad at it for squawking? If you had a dog, would you get mad at it for barking? You can't expect a girl to "stop creating drama" or "stop fighting" or "stop shit testing" EVER. Only once you accept her emotionally demanding attitude as an inevitable part of your relationship - and once you overcome the fear of losing her due to to this emotional instability, will you achieve a Zen command over her poon. There can be drama, there can be fights, there can be yelling, there can be emotional instability, there can be breaks, but there must never be any fear.

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My Blog: www.solvemygirlproblems.com

basically she already been sucking another guys dick for atleast 2-3weeks minimum

bitch dont give a fuck bout u anymore son

u treating her like shit cause u a fucking AFC nobody nerd u digg it son

watchu gotta do is start whippin ur big daddy dick out and slow feed it to her like a snail slithering across the gravel. u digg it baby boy?

and then she will understand.

oh and force her to swallow. def.

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i dont always go out and use PUA, but when i do i always close.

spot on analysis Hakuna

thanks

Listen to Hakuna. Honestly you need to work more on your own life. You can get caught up in trying to nurture a relationship to the point where there's nothing to communicate because its all you do. Honestly I hated the idea of talking every fucking night, but its what she insisted. Don't insist on not-calling everyday, its like you're saying you can't handle a phone conversation. Its a white flag of surrender. Just like Hakuna said, your life should at least seem so packed that you can't really fit her in if she's not there, then she will at least wonder what she's missing, and by the time you decide to have a real convo you will probably have enough to quench her blabber-quota.

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The best PUA advice is also the best fighting advice.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ijCSu87 ... rn-1r-4-HM

From time to time i get the same problem as you Juan.

What helps for me, is changing my mindset on the situations.

You know, your time with her is your free time, you do your work/school and you come home to her. This is time for you to be relaxed, enjoy and have fun.

If you are not going to have fun in the times you are with your girl. When are you ever going to enjoy life? Sounds profound. But just make sure you have fun, and relaxed mindset. People pick up on this and adapt the energy.

But once in a while, it slips in... slap your face and enjoy life

Lord oh lord..

So shes been still acting weird so i talk to her tonite and she start balling and reveals that the last fight we had really had an effect on her and it had been building up inside of her and now she exploded.

She says shes been feeling off for some time now, to the point where shes not excited about the relationship anymore. She says this happens only when im not with her and its only sometimes. But still. Fuck.

She continued to say that she basically doesnt miss me when im not with her.

Now the only reason i havent ditched her already is because this is basically my fault. The main issue we always fought around was this issue of her ex and me not being secure enuff to accept her past and i always brought it up and it has now officially ruined the relationship.

We spoke abt it and i made a pledge, promise, guarantee, everything, that i was truly over it and it would be a non issue hereon in. I actually am over it but i still brought it up for some reason to try to prove a point to her or some shit..

We agreed to take a mini break of a few days and start fresh.. But i dont know, i think i just suck at relationships.

Im gonna need some assisstance on how to navigate here...

I should add that she assured me that she loves me and wants the relationship to work. And that the main reason she feels the way she does is because of the fights.

Ok I've been there buddy, and the main thing you need to do is get out of the mindset that her needs come before yours! You have it there, you think if she ended it the world would be over, we've all thought that but its not the case. Just take a deep breath and figure out is this relantionship natural and easy do we have the odd fight but nothign we can't overcome? Or is it draining everuday you argue and your terrified she doesn't love you as much as you love her, that shes going to leave you.
Think about it if it requires too much work is it worth investing more time? Can you imagine marrying her and having kids and have a good life with her in the future or are you in a pitt? My last girlfriend dumped me but i realised I escaped something I would of been willing to go all the way with and she wasn't right for me. Now I'm with a girl who I have so much fun with we still argue ye but its so much better. Sometimes you just need time to look from an outside view.