ok so heres the deal ive been with this girl for about 1 year now and for the first 7 months everyhing went great. but during the past 3 months i got really caught up with drugs weed to be exact. and i really let myself go all i thought about was smoking i hurt my family as they frown upon it and my gf as well. i put of my dreams and goals and was just a mess. me and my gf would talk from time to time but it was just arguments a lot of them bc i continued to smoke we broke up about 2 weeks ago but me and her just kept talking as if we were going out maybe a mistake. unfortunatly about 12 hrs ago she told me she didnt want to be with me even tho we were nt together but its like we were she didnt go around cheating it was like she was my gf. she told me she told me she lost attraction in me that i let myself go and that she really just wanted to focus in school. i told her i was done smoking as i havent smoked in 3 days but she says shes heard it before she told me i wasnt the same anymore and that she didnt want to be with me anymore. i asked her if she didnt love me and she said, "thats not what i said". my first step is to stop smoking not just for her but for my family and the people that care about me. i have to admit i have let myself go i didnt shower as much and i was just over all grumpy. but what should i do to get her back should i not contact her for a while and get my shit together??? and what if she calls me??? i want to think she still likes me but i dont know she really sounded like she wasnt really into me anymore and shes just been acting distant a little now but its more like just the past week.. even tho we have been having arguments the past 3 months mainly bc i just am grumpy in the relationship. should i act like i dont care i really love her and i dont want to lose her. Tonight we slept on the phone she gave me a goodnight kiss and i told her that i just have to accept it that shes over it. even tho im dying inside please i want to change not just for her but for myself. do yall think she still has feeling for me. i also kinda get the impression that she just wants me to suffer a little since i have ignored her the past 3 months but today i just woke up with a diffrent mindset and i told her i wanted to chand and stop smoking and better myself. i think she just didnt wanna hear it anymore she wants to see it and me telling her once again out of the blue sky made her think this is never going to stop... please help thank you guys in advance

Are you going to change for her or to improve yourself?

You tried and failed. Smoothering wont do any good.
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My advice , its simple cut contact. if you cant

Be less avaiable. Be neutral to her... dont spend time with her.

If she txts you , again neutral and short answers. and wait long time to answer it.

Dont asnwer her phone phone calls.

Pick new hobby.

Flirt with other girls.

And stop with the weed.

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Oh! You've gotta be kidding me!

All that over smoking weed dude? Either you let it make u really lazy or you're using it to cover up other hurt. I don't know how weed makes u grumpy lol. U already tried pulling your girl back, now you can't keep pulling u gotta show her that you have ur own life to live and she's the one taking a loss. Stop texting her, cut contact and if she doesnt reach out to u call her after every few days of no contact but keep it short and make it seem like you got better stuff to worry about. No sulking remember its her loss. If she still makes no effort to respond to your minimum effort then let it go and start macking other girls if she showed that much affection to u before she will come running back if u show her u can live without her cuz trust me no girl is worth the bullshit stress. But to be honest bro don't blame the weed I smoke every single day and that's never been the cause of any problem with girls. Its all how u carry yourself and your attitude. IMO you dont have to explain urself to ur parents or gf for smoking weed. There are far worse vices you could get involved with.

yea i know weed isnt the problem it makes me super lazy and it does make me grumpy bc when im high i like to chill and nt talk just explore my mind and idk its changed me a bit but its not the problem i know i dont try to blame it on weed i let myself go because i was lazy and theres no excuse for that.. i forgot that i needed to have my life that i needed to keep my attractivness up i got to confortable more like lazy lol... the thing is that i had my phone off half the day today i bearly turned it on and i had a txt from her saying hey sorry about last night :/ but idk ima turn my phone off all day like i never read it and just in case she calls itll go straight to voicemail... just to make her miss me a little more i also want to commit myself to not let anything get in the way of my lifestyle and the way i carry myself theres no excuse for that thanks guys i appreciate the advice

nm she called me all day she even went as far as to call my parents phone a bunch of times but when i called her back she was the same i think she still has feelings for me why would she call me all those times but when we talked she said she didnt change her mind and that she just wanted to be friends.. i got mad bc i know thats not how it works i sent her alot of txt msgs here they are what do you guys think am i being an idiot.... msg reads haha idk why i thoughts things had changed i was wrong you dont want to be with me anymore andhonestly that does make me a little sad:/... you ask me why i make a big deal uhm idnt have an answer i just dont want to sit there and talk to you while we both get ober eacho other thats the honest truth girls tend to do that and thats what you wanna do ithink... but hey what do i know.. you were being completly serious last time and it still bugs me a bit but i have to accept it even tho it truly hurts me but i did luckly you lost your feeling for me abut ill be alright i just need time..and when isay that i mean time by myself so please help me out iknow thaqt your really over me and even tho it hurts me i haveto accept it and move on myself.. and this is just the truth no bs no games have a good day and please just give me time iknow in the future i can see you with other eys but for now iddnt want to..

fuck weed, i smoked it for a fair few years all weed does is make life a lot harder and makes you miss out on doing better things...... go to amsterdam smoke it there if not fuck it

sounds to me like you are buying shitty weed. i would take a step back with a sober mind and re-evaluate what is important to you in life.

I was with my ex up until about 3 months ago. We basically broke up because of lack of time for each other.

She works full-time, and has two kids she takes care of 5 days a week

I lost my license due to a DUI, so was no longer able to drive to her place at all. I know this doesn't sound good

in the last month she has contacted me a bit, anything from comments on facebook, to recently texting me asking if i wanted to out to the bar with her one night.. (which i didn't do)

Ive been trying to just sit back and move on, having fun with other girls. But i really do miss her. She still has her schedule, and i don't get my license back till this summer.

Meanwhile i work full-time as well. So the whole lack of time for each other wouldn't really change. We both miss each other, but i feel like i shouldn't do anything for awhile, because i don't wanna screw it up. At the same time she could find someone else...

What do you guys think?

NEXT.

NEXT? Explain why.. especially if were on good terms and we both miss each other.. we were very compatible and had a good relationship

NEXT? Explain why.. especially if were on good terms and we both miss each other.. we were very compatible and had a good relationship


If this is true, then you shouldn't have any problem to get her back on your own.

The reasons for the break-up are pretty clear. She broke up with you because you were no longer ambitious and a challenge to her. She basically lost attraction. The break-up is not a fast process, she's likely spend the last month or so mentally disconnecting from you. You would notice this in slight ways, like she picks up the phone a little slower, doesn't want to talk as often. She's less responsive to physical touch, she stops touching you as much, she stops contacting you, forgets to call you back, etc.

At the moment by refusing to accept the situation and move on, you're giving her all the power in the relationship, making yourself seem even less attractive.


You need to take the same steps she did. For at least a month, you need to move on. You don't have to start seeing other girls, but you must stop seeing and talking to her. It's really for your own benefit. Right now you still have that strong emotional connection, and emotions cloud your better judgement, making you do stupid things like confessing your undying love. She's not going to come back if you make it even easier.

After a month or two, when the time comes that she isn't consuming your thoughts, and it's possible for you to go whole days without even thinking about her. That's when you can contact her. It's your choice if you want to invite her out on a date right away. Personally with my last girl, I texted her after 70 days, she chatted with me for a bit, and then I left it at that. Within 5 days, she was contacting me first trying to figure out my intentions. 5 days after that, she was contacting me to hang out at 1 am on a friday. That sunday I asked her out, and monday evening we were on a date.

If she contacts you in the mean time, it's really not because she's interested, but rather she's checking if you're still there. It's still a power issue within the relationship. You just have to politely decline to talk to her. Give any reasonable excuse you want. "I'm busy" "I'm driving" "My friends are waiting for me, I can't talk, I'll call you back" Then just don't call her back.

Chances are she won't contact you anyways, my girl didn't. The amount of time you have to wait until contacting her again also goes up depending on how badly you responded to the break-up. In your case, I'd say 2 months minimum.

It sounds like a long time, but you have to be willing to risk losing her to another guy, death, moving away, etc, to get her back.

Either that or win the lottery and laugh your way to bank as she's desperately calling you for a second chance.

You're right about a couple things, but maybe i didn't explain the situation right... as far as not as not as much physical contact, she only showed that a couple days before we broke up. Before that everything was the same. The DUI was really the main thing. And no i haven't contacted her once in the last 3 months, its always been her, and ive been keeping my cool and letting her think im busy and have other options.

Thanks for the advice though.

I guess what im looking for is whether or not i should do anything at all, considering it would still be difficult to see each other on a regular basis.. are schedules really do conflict each other, she has kids most of the week, and im still unable to drive to her place like i use to

^^oh wait haha, i think you were responding to the first post... my bad

Yeah Scott I was responding to the first message.

Your situation is really good though. She's definitely interested if she's initiating contact after all that time. You just have to figure out logistics. Does she live so far that public transport isn't viable?

You can always give it a shot right now, and if it's really that difficult to get a date with your different schedules, then you can consider re-opening her in the summer when you can drive.

Unfortunately there's always the chance that she could meet someone else, but that's the same with any other girl. It's just something you have to consider, and not take personally if it happens.