I've been here before, with a long ass story about girl problems...

same girl, 4 months later, drama got bigger...

We dated off & on for 8 months, she was so into me!!! Anyway, lost my job and had serious money trouble in May. I admit I was a lazy ass and didnt do anything to better the situation, I was in a state of depression looking back on it. My ex gf started distancing herself after a convo we had one night. I have followed the PUA stuff pretty good as far as "not being needy.." etc etc. But that last deep talk we had, I went overboard...I know I did.

We were talking about life in general and what I should be doing as far as getting a new job..etc. I know I was being a weak ass man though....not bettering myself, so I guess I just started talking out of anger cause I was sick of her games from the previous months! She said something like "if we ever do break up...what ya gonna do?" I was like "ya know.....Ill just move on!" kinda shitty in a sarcastic way. Then she said "how come when ever I distance myself...Im the one who always comes back to you?" I got pissed and said that damn line "cause Im not a beggar...a hungry dog doesnt get fed!" I just didnt care at the time due to other crap. (mind you...we just watched anger management that night...where sandler gets played by his gf to wake the fuck up?) the following day the shit started.

She started hanging outwith her friend more, and never stayed at my house anymore. I would text her and get short delayed responses. But I didnt FEEL anything was wrong....you know that gut feeling you get? It was a good feeling like it was all being staged...? this went on for two weeks. in that time I lost my electrity and got evicted....and went thru a depression on my own, so when she broke up with me I agreed with it cause I had to work on ME! I walked away and didnt feel any heartache!! I know the break-up was fake due to me being lazy or what i said? the next day after the breakup she asked me to come over and hang. She was ALL nice looking!! hair all done...make-up, lookin HOT!! (why??)

She was texting some guy she said, but I know it was her friend sabrina telling her what to say to me...etc. she said she was starting college soon, and this guy wanted to take her out next week. the entire time, my heart felt good! my gut never lies to me! I know she was making all that crap up so Id chase her r do something??

Well, I was forced to move the next week, I just went alog with what she was saying and acted cool about it btw. That was july 2nd...and I didnt hear from her until early august cause I moved and have no vehicle, and too much crap goin on. she texted me askig how work was since I found a job!! lol

then her phone got shut off, didnt hear from her over a month...and i didnt contact her either. she finally texted me saying hi with a smiley face, and that she was hanging with some guy next week again. I was like "thats cool, im glad your having fun" she responded "bleh...well gotta go ttyl.." I pissed her off...?? what does she want me to do???

Then she texted me last week asking me if she could borrow 20 bucks, and I said I didnt have it which was true....trouble with my card. she said it was ok and that was it. last text was last night. She said "whats up" and I was like "on lunch break...you" she said "not much...." and that was it...

Like I said, my heart tells me she loves me and this is all an act!! does she want me to chase her? I dont know what to do without pushing her away further. I DO care for her!!! I know you will all say shes being childish and walk away, but its hard!

I mean they say NEVER chase an ex gf?? but if that was what she WANTED me to do, hence faking the break-up....should I??

Please help!!! I miss her!!! Its been 3 months since this game started with her....lifes too short. Im doing good now, I have a job and I grew from my own fuck-ups

Heh. You're doing a lot of things right here, so don't get stressed out. You are correct that she is doing/saying those things to get a reaction out of you and you are displaying high value by not reacting.

Here is what you're going to do:

Call or text her (whichever is your primary mode of communication) and say to her "I just wanted to let you know that you were right. I realize now that the breakup was definitely for the best. It would be a shame to throw away our friendship though. Why don't we get together sometime and we can work on being friends again? No hard feelings."

She will agree to this, because you are now making her feel the fear of loss. She will perceive you as a man of high value who was able to move on before she was able to, and she will begin to see that it was a mistake to listen to her friend and try to play this game with you.

The next thing you want to do is set a Meet Up, not a date. You are to act like you are meeting up with an old friend, or a dorky kid sister.
The time, date, and location of this meet up are for YOU to decide, not her. Make it at a place and time that is convenient for you. And if possible, slightly inconvenient for her.

I like to use shopping for this scenario, but you can use anything you like, as long as it doesn't have a "date vibe" to it. That means going to the movies is out!

What I do is, when she agrees to meet up, I'll say "Great. I have to go to the mall to pick up a new shirt/pair of jeans/shoes/rainbow boa for work/school/a wedding/taibo class (whatever) Why don't you come with me and you can help me pick out something nice."

Know where you are going, how you are getting there, and at what time. Have a general plan of action to display Leadership.

Lead her through a few stores, while you display high value and alpha traits. Lightly tease her and throw in some kino. That's all you have to focus on. Focus on being high value. Let her worry about where the relationship goes. She will make the first move.

She will make the first move?? But I know she broke up to make me chase her/ask her back out...etc..?

I'm totally agreeing with what you say to do/say to her. but its been so long nothing is changing yet....like shes still waiting for ME to make those initial moves??
Im afraid if I don't speak up soon or make my own move...I will just lose her all together?

She'll make the first move

All you have to do is show her that you are a strong, confident, masculine male and make her fear losing you.

She is female. Her emotions are stronger than her reason.

thats good to hear. So whats with her texting me hi out of blue then nothing for days or weeks?

I just thought she played this game on me cause she needed to feel that I DO need/want/love her? so if I dont show it and/or dont chase her....ill lose her or no?

and WHY would she even want to play this game on me in the first place? we are great togetehr! is it what I said or other crap?

She is texting you out of the blue because she is still interested in you and still wants to be with you! She is getting bad advice from her friends. A girls' friends can be a guy's worst enemies, so it is very important to build rapport with them too so that they will like you and approve of her being with you.

She doesn't want to play this game, she wants to be with you. She feels like she has to play this game though, because she is trying to reason with herself. But, you can't just go calling her up and begging her to come back to you, because then you are being low value and lessening yourself as a man.

Stop thinking about why she is playing this game, and start thinking about why she broke up with you in the first place, which caused her to have to be the one coming back to you.

You said yourself: You were being lazy, depressed, didn't have a job, etc. Not being needy isn't enough. You also have to be ambitious, have goals and passions, and strive to achieve those. You have to show her that you are a man who is capable of taking care of her and her offspring. Even if she is financially well-off and doesn't want kids, this is something that women are genetically hard-wired to seek in a man.
You became less of a man in her eyes, because you failed to live up to your end of the deal.

Now you have to show her that you are a strong man. That you can be the leader she needs. That you value yourself as much as you value her, if not more so.

She doesn't want you to come crawling back to her, she just wants you to be a man!

AHHH...Got it!! Yea I had a few signs after the breakup when we hung out. she randomly said "wow...we werent officially dating on black friday last year, and wont be this one coming up...(sigh and mumbled) well.....maybe...november isnt that far away..." the way she said it was like she plans/planned on coming back to me when I was back on my feet......?

few questions as to right now.
1. Is it ok to text her hi and stuff on my own? or wait for her to do it? she uses her cousins phone rght now btw...cause her phones STILL off...

2. It would be bad texting her I miss her, love her, want her back etc??

3. why does she get pissed and stop texting me after trying to make me jealous? AND why get me jealous and make up stories about other guys??

4. Ive searched for this cant find anything. Is it true your gut/heart doesnt lie to you? my heart feels good and pulsates a lot...whenI know she misses me, complete opposite of heartache in general....have there been studies on this? I know its true cause i felt the heartache when we had issues in feb.

5. why did she get all hot and pretty lookin for me the day AFTER the breakup?? she had no plans that day besides hangin with me!!

few questions as to right now.
1. Is it ok to text her hi and stuff on my own? or wait for her to do it? she uses her cousins phone rght now btw...cause her phones STILL off...
No. Every text you send should have a purpose and elicit some type of emotion from her.

2. It would be bad texting her I miss her, love her, want her back etc??
That would be VERY bad! Think High Value at all times. Would texting her that be high value or low value?

3. why does she get pissed and stop texting me after trying to make me jealous? AND why get me jealous and make up stories about other guys??
This can be many things. Mostly, she just wants to get a reaction from you. She probably doesn't know why she's doing it herself, except that she is getting bad advice from her friend. Take this as a good thing though, if she is trying to make you jealous, then it means she isn't over you. Again, high value = don't react.

4. Ive searched for this cant find anything. Is it true your gut/heart doesnt lie to you? my heart feels good and pulsates a lot...whenI know she misses me, complete opposite of heartache in general....have there been studies on this? I know its true cause i felt the heartache when we had issues in feb.
I wouldn't even waste my time thinking about that.

5. why did she get all hot and pretty lookin for me the day AFTER the breakup?? she had no plans that day besides hangin with me!!
A girl I dated briefly explained this to me. She did it to her ex as well. This goes along with trying to make you jealous. It's to show you what you're missing and to get a reaction out of you.

Thanks for all that, I guess you have all my questions covered. just gotta wait this process out. I am hopefully getting back on my feet very soon....thats another story

I forgot to add this. She text me last week out of blue after NC for 3 weeks. it was a Hi with smiley face, and asked if I had my truck plated yet. (my plates expired in may shortly before my eviction notice and the breakup, and I have it parked at a friends right now. anyway...I said not yet, wthin the next few weeks I will. she responded "well get ur ass in gear dude!!" lol. thats a sign that shes ready to see me and perhaps talk? but after that she hasnt said anything much besides hi. its like she wants me being a man and handling this stuff on my own or something....not sure

but why does she ignore me for long? thats probably her friends advice...idk

You really, really have to stop trying to analyze everything she says and does. You are wasting your energy trying to figure out what everything she does means, when you should be applying that energy to the betterment of yourself.

How long has it been since your last contact with her?

yesterday she texted hey. I said whats up shorty (i call her that,lol) she sais nuttin much, I said i was on break, and that was it.....

what can i text to build some attraction or value right now?? or wait it out for her to say something?? Im just scared it might dwindle out......but maybe not, this girl was obsessed and chased ME in the beginning, so that means something

All of this here that you just said is part of your problem. You are not in the right mindset. You have to stop trying to think about the right things to say, or being afraid of her losing interest, etc. Feelings do not just disappear in a matter of days or weeks or even months, especially when she is preventing herself from moving on by contacting you. Let go of that fear. Let go of any negativity.

Work on your inner game, and believe that you are a man of value who is a prize to be sought. Believe that she should be chasing you (and she IS chasing you!)

Work on you, and when you feel like you are strong enough to see her face-to-face without being nervous, afraid, insecure, desperate, etc. When you feel like you are able to handle that while being calm, cool, collected, and confident, THEN you can contact her and say what I told you to say in my first reply.

Ok, thanks for that. its just hard sometimes when I sit back and reflect on shit, then realize how long its been since weve seen each other...i go to panic mode and worry that im fucking this all up by not chasing her or talking to her.....but you are right

UPDATE!!!!

two days ago, she text me out of the blue asking if i get pics on my phone, and that she would send me a pic with a smiley face.
She sent it, she looked good! I said cool, and shes like "i lost 14 lbs" and i said congrats...you look good. then that was it......I did not send a pic of me at the time, i was at work and looked like shit,lol

so...should I send a good pic of me now? I want her back...........

Henna-man...dude!!!!!

There is alot of good advice here...there almost always is when you ask on this board...it's kinda why I like this place.

You are a VERY analytical person...and I don't mean that in a bad way but it does seem to be a huge chink in your armor! I have always said, do what you feel is right, regardless of what I or anyone else says...but I honestly don't feel this is going in the direction you want it to go. It's been a while now and you reference alot of how strong the feelings were in the beginning...things change, people change.

I think you should really consider moving on and working on yourself as I have recommended in the past...again...this is just my opinion. I just feel that you are going to lose alot of time trying to make this work and in the end...it's not going to be what you want...this really shouldn't be this difficult...either do...or don't but you can't ride the line on this one!

Bro...if you need anything...PM me!

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You can't make the same mistake twice, the second time you make it, it's no longer a mistake, it's a choice.