Hey guys, not quite a relationship, just seeing each other, but wondering your thoughts.

I've been seeing this girl HB 9 for a while, known her about 9 months from my work colleague. I asked her out originally and it's been going well.

She told me she isn't good at dealing with relationships, she's been single for a year since she started seeing me (so she says).

We're have a laugh and a good time, going out, having jokes, being ourselves, I've K closed her all the time, she speaks to me all the time there's a definitely a spark there. I'm aiming to F close within the next few weeks. I've taken my time because her best friend is my work colleague ( a very good friend too) I don't want to cause any complications in my social circle and I have morals!

We've had deep conversations. I've been a man and stressed my opinions on what I think and believe whenever we speak, whether it's against what she says or not, and I get my point across when we have a debate, so it shows I have balls.

She said she's having fun with me, but if it doesn't turn into a relationship, it's not that she doesn't like me, it's just she isn't good with them. She said she felt she needed to tell me because "most guys" probably wouldn't stick around after.

Shit test maybe or honesty? I just replied with " I'm enjoying myself and I haven't looked that deep, she then said she wouldn't be bothering me if she never liked me.

So what are your thoughts on the situation? How to act and deal with it? Never been in this situation myself before.

For now, I'm concentrating on having fun, but if things carry on, yeah I'll want to go further, but with what she said, how would you deal with it?

I think I should have other options there as well, but how to act with her, because I do like her. We're going out wednesday evening for a meal to hopefully celebrate her passing an exam tomorrow, if not to brighten the mood!

Picking up girls with me isn't such a problem, transitioning things into a LTR etc is my problem.

Thanks guys!

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Last girl who said that shit to me ended up being my fiancée. I think she is baiting you and sucking you in to get you addicted. Chicks are the original PUAs. Even if she is serious I think she is baiting you to peel the layers off the onion and be the one who changes her. This would of course require deep emotional investment from you and she would be crushed if you tossed her away after that. Sounds like a tough situation but I hope you get the girl and it turns out to be the best.

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Hey Jits, thanks for the reply man!

Your fiancée huh? Wow, that's major, especially after a girl says that. I kind of took it as a hint to back off, but after she said she likes me and wouldn't be bothering with me if she never, it made me think, maybe it is a kind of test. She's probably had a bad past with relationships, in fact I know she has, her friend told me she has been treated like shit by some guys.

I like her a lot, but I don't want to get to the stage where it's a one-itis further down the line, in case nothing does materialize, been there, done it, but she's worth something, generally as a person anyway.

Would you continue going out with her then? I never mentioned anything about relationships, until yesterday when she brought up the subject. I was thinking, after me and her go out tomorrow, I may give her some breathing space and not initiate any communication so see how she reacts, or how long it takes her to.

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I think you need to be carefull in this situation. When girls openly tell you they aren`t good with relationships you should take their word for it. If you want to keep her around long term, go the open relationship route. Just don`t take her too seriously...Remember, there are two sides to every story, so take the "bad relationships in the past" type stories with a grain of salt.

Of course mate. Again I agree.

Would you back off if you were me, still see her? See other girls too?

Her past is the past, I am not that, if anything, I'm now.

Supposed to be seeing her tomorrow, would you call her out on anything? Or just carry on going with the flow?

Thanks!

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I'd forget about it. "I'm not good at dealing with relationships" can mean literally anything. You can try to decipher that phrase all you want, but unless you ask directly, you probably won't be guessing right... and as long as your "now" is good, why bother?

(I'm in the "go with the flow" camp--as long as its all good, don't create problems where there are none to begin with)

My 2 cents. Good luck, mang.

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- Lux et Veritas -

If you truly enjoy spending time with her, go ahead and see her tomorrow. Don`t act any different...No need to call her out on anything. Just go with the flow, but keep your options open ( be talking to other girls).

"I`m not good with relationships" can mean anything...However, its rarely anything good. Its good to go with the flow, provided that you are mindful of all the stuff she is telling you both indirectly and directly. That way you can prevent problems, rather than create them.

Why put a value on a phrase? There are a thousand things it could mean. Why give it any more thought than it requires?

It's like someone saying, "I'm not good at cooking" and then they blow you away with some delicious veal parmesean. It is a perspective, and it varies. My mom says this all the time and she is amazing at cooking! (tangent)

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- Lux et Veritas -

Ugh, I just typed a really long reply about my recent fuckbuddy only to re-read your post and realise you haven't even fucked her yet.

Maybe she's being honest with you because she likes you and doesn't want you to fuck her and be clingy and expect commitment. She just wants to be fuckbuddies.

Maybe she's fucking with you to test your level of emotional commitment before she fucks you, to ensure that you WILL stay around and not fuck-and-chuck her

Maybe she's just shit with relationships and just needs you to lead her and take responsibility.

EITHER WAY

You gotta fuck her soon or you'll end up going nowhere.

p.s. do I say the word "fuck" a lot?

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Thanks guys.

Really it looks like my best work would be, continue having fun, and enjoying our time, whilst keeping my options open, then if anything let her wonder why I haven't made any " exclusive" comments about me and her.

Also our date for tomorrow has been cancelled, we're going out friday. She lives on top of a pub, and works there part time, apparently the pub has 2 funeral arrangements tomorrow, so she's needed.

I never made a big deal of it, just said "no worries" She then said, " can we go out on friday?" I said "yeah, should be kool," but we'll confirm later. I'm not needy, so made no big thing of it. Think I did the right thing.

I'm going to keep a little distance, we speak on the blackberry messenger like everyday for long periods, I don't want to kill things, so may draw some distance and let her ignite some converation.

Thanks guys!

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Haha Blondguy, once again another great post. Your a master when it comes to PUA terms mate, you know your stuff.

So how would you progress? I just posted some updated info after your post (was typing whilst you were) I want to fuck her yeah, soon of course, I don't get clingy, if anything I'm better off and the opposite. I like her, want to fuck her and stay around, but I'm not jumping into the deep end of a relationship. Made that mistake too many times before.

Personaly, I wouldn't be wasting my time going out with someone I don't like, and sure she wouldn't. We both know, we could each have someone else if we wanted.

Thanks!

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Hey Bro,

Great post, interesting situation...

It is what it is, you see this girl as LTR material which is great, it's awesome to find someone who has that potential.

I think she's genuinely being honest, from what you are saying she's opening up and being honest with you - in the past she probably has fucked things up or been cheated on, either way sound's like she has a bit of LTR anxiety that she might not be over yet.

My advice is watch out for the oneitus! keep yourself busy, show interest but don't chase too much, don't always be available to her - if she ask's tell her your out with some girl called whatever but don't tell her anything else, when you are available make sure you do something awesome together and never mention your relationship status or what you want from her, enjoy the moment and take each time you are together for what it is.

In my experience when i've been seeing girls in the past, once you fuck them a few times you get the emotional attachment, sex is different for a girl...fuck a girl good and she will want you all the time.

Oh and one last thing - game other girls so your attention isn't always on her and you're not always thinking about her, you might even find that this will naturally make her want to be with you more because you're the cool and un-needy guy...

Keep us updated with how it moves forward, good luck to you man!

Thanks bro, appreciate your reply.

Since me and her have been going out, I've kind of locked other girls off, which is my mistake, luckily, they're still texting and wanting me, so I'm going to shar my time out again, because the girl in conversation here isn't my GF. I just didn't want to get into a tricky situation because I know her friend well, I'll rather avoid complications, but now, fuck it, I'm doing nothing wrong, she's the one who brought up the "not good with relationships"

Once I fuck her, I'll be so much happier, like mission accomplished, and I know, I'll fuck her so good, she'll be wanting more, and more and more.

Hopefully friday goes ahead, going to analyze her body language, she does things like hold my hand, kiss me, hugs me, or if we go cinema, she rests on my shoulders and cuddles up etc, this is a bit more than "friends" shit.

Going with the flow.

Thanks again!

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Update:

Just had a long ass conversation with her on the phone. Thought fuck the text, let's talk, make our points and if that's it, so be it. Apparently, I pissed her off tonight, she got all funny so I called her out on it. We were talking about sex, thought fuck it I'd up the stakes a little, it did work, then she kinda assumed I saw her as a cheap slut. She then said, "your not my boyfriend, I'd only sleep with you if I was"

Something I can look at in various ways, but fuck it.

I kind of took a back seat and started talking sex in a cocky/funny way because we were talking about a holiday program where parents follow their parents abroad, I said a lot of them are hoes, male and female, laughing and joking, she said what goes on holiday stays on holiday, both agreed holidays should be fun, that's when I upped the stakes a little.

We spoke on the phone about, me and her = the situation ... Which we are seeing each other, and whatever will be will be, she reiterated that she does like me and if she never she'd say and stop wasting both our time. .. I'm learning more and more about her everyday, she gets annoyed easy and doesn't let things blow over, she's stubborn which I am too at times.

I was straight up, told her I like her, but I don't want to rush things, I want to enjoy the moments with no pressure on either of us and whatever will be, said she feels the same.

So what to take from this guys? Seeing her friday for a meal, to celebrate her passing her test + just seeing her anyway.

My current thought is, drop off contact a little, let her start some conversation up and get this "pissed" off bit mood out of her system. I like her, but I'm no fool. Whatever will be, will really be.

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