I'm here again. Currently in a LDR with a fantastic loving GF. 5 months, and yet i feel i have to end it.

Why? This girl is clearly not capable of being in a LDR. She suffers. Cries all the time. Misses me. Needs my affection. Hours and hours of talking, saying that we can work things out. But she just gets sad from the second she starts thinking she ain't going to see me for a couple of weeks. She likes me TOO much, by which the distance KILLS her. She doesn't sleep well anymore. Can't eat properly. She just can't cope with it, with her missing me.

I don't want to stay with a girl who is sad. Who needs my affection, but i can't give her that.

This is such a pitty. She is a lovely girl. I feel bad, but in the same time a little bit relieved. Cause i don't want to end up in a LTR where both don't care too much and end up cheating upon each other.

I don't want to break up. But she simply doesn't leave me any choice. Maybe she doesn't even realize. I asked her if she wants to continue. She said yes. But clearly she said that cause she WANTS, but in the same time she knows she CANT continue.

My problem now is that i don't have ANY other option (sounds selfish). I don't know other girls. Just came out of an erasmus student period. Lots of girls, fucking, etc. She was there with me, i got to know her there.

Now everything ended. I'm alone. Home with my parents. No party. No girls. Not even my GF anymore if i break up.

I'm looking for a job. No student life anymore. I need to get back on track asap and meet people...

Just wanted to share this. I still don't want to break up and feel as giving it a try. Should i ? Does 'LOVE' conquers everything?

Ever you tried telling her that behavior of needines is killing the relantioship, if not tell her. If she having all of those problems not eating and sleeping she should seek profissional help

Long Distance presents a huge raft of problems that normal relationships dont even have to worry about, Im in a LDR myself at the moment. It is tough but if the girl cant handle it (to the point that its detrimental to her health and your happiness) then you have to talk to her about that.

How long have you done the distance thing? The first bit is always the hardest bit. For the first month or 2 of mine my girl was miserable alot. Not in the way yours is, she just wasnt enjoying herself coz she hadnt settled in so she turned to me. Then once she was enjoying it the roles reversed and i missed her more as we had a routine which suddenly stopped. The only way you can reach a healthy balance in long distance is to communicate properly. Tell her that you really care for her, that you want it to work *assuming that you do* and that you want to help her. BUT that the way she's handling it now is making it very hard. If she doesnt know the problem she cant change.

Basically, dont keep her on hand for convenience - thats not practical in a LDR and especially so if she is struggling. Talk to her. Communicate openly and honestly and try to help her. Avoid telling her you are considering breaking up but make it clear that her behaviour is causing problems.
Good luck

Thanks for your post

We talked a lot about all this.

Basically it's her telling me that she isn't fine right now (she is under huge pressure for an exam) and that she thinks it will be very hard to see each other on a constant basis in the future.

This girl is VERY pessimistic. Everything is black. All the time thinks that the WORST outcome will happen. Hence totally insecure about the relationship

Hence she stresses herself thinking about how everything will go wrong. Hence she's suffering.

As as result, she just considers to break up to "safe her" from all the misery and to "safe her" from a break up later on (who might or might not happen)

This is LITERALLY what she told me (after I asked herself those questions and analyst the situation - i'm like her psychologist, not her BF...)

This is a GENERAL problem she seems to have with relationships. She cant deal with the insecurity of it.

LDR works on one main fundation TRUST , she cleary doesnt trust because of her insecurities is not your problem its her. I would tell her that her needines is killing the relantioship, that you are confident man, and you need someone as equally confident. Tell her that seeking professional help, would help you both but mainly her. that you still loved her and you will be there to aid her on those dificults times. talk her like is therapy for couples, that you will go with her to the consults support her because you want things between you two work.

Support her for now exams cant be a pain in the ass, lets face they will determine your future, then i would have that talk.

LDR's are very hard to work out, but it can be done. What worries me here is her attitude. It's very hard to be around a person with so much negativity. I can totally see how you would feel relieved by breaking up since she's surrounding you with so much drama and negativity all the time. That by itself would be a deal-braker for me. I've been there, done that and it doesn't end well. As I see it, when you hit the point where you feel relief when thinking about ending it, it's pretty much over anyways. You may be hanging onto it because currently there are no other options and you love being her "god", but in the long term, it will probably be healthier for you to focus on your life and goals and just build it from where you are right now.
Of course, only you can know what's right for you. Is there any chance of you or her moving?
Was she so negative when you were living close?

_________________
rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

She trust me, this isn't the point.

She is NEVER needy, never controls me, never is jaelous for other women.

The problem is that she doesn't trust the relationship (the DISTANCE). She is afraid that we won't be able to see each other often and that either SHE, or either ME will get cold and forget about the other.

She said that she is very affectionate person and if she wants to be with someone, she wants to do it really good. To have common friends, to do stuff together, etc.

This girl is very loving and affectionate. But she does trust me.

There is basically few options to move together.

She's in Spain and needs to stay there at least until next summer (June).

I'm looking for a job, but honestly don't want to move to Spain. I don't know the language and the labor market there is a mess. It would be 2 steps back for me.

I know her for couple of months, and can't make a decision to go to Spain right now.

If things work out i could consider it doing it after 1 year.
Equally she could consider moving to me after 1 year.

Right now we have to face the distance. In 1 year we could maybe move together.

But, as i said, and you say: she isn't showing any positive attitude. Doesn't show the patience that is needed.

Maybe feeling relieved wasn't the right way to express my feelings. I just couldn't cope with it anymore yesterday. Now she talked again and sounded really good. Joking and stuff.

Anyway, in couple of days we meet for 5 days. I'll talk with her. Be concrete about the future. If she can't work on her attitude i'll have to finish this.


Concrete we could realistically speaking see each other every 3 weeks or so. (couple of days). For me this can be done. For her; as she tells and shows me right now, not.

She was never negative when we were in the same town. Things were just pefect. However from the moment we made it official she got more clingy. But not to the point that i would run.

Looking over this again i think i understand a bit better.
So she really likes you, wants things to work but can't convince herself that it will work? That's weird, she clearly has issues with trust and self esteem. Perhaps the best thing to do would be to talk to her about this. As you said in the first post "maybe she doesn't even realize" what she's doing here.

If she is as negative as you say then there really isnt that much hope. The fact of the matter is, unless you have unbelievably strong frame and are cheerful and happy all the time, she WILL bring you down. And if that happens in a LDR there is no way to surmount it because talking to her will become a chore.

You seem to be in a kind of limbo in general, finished college, no job yet, little social life where you live etc. That's ok, it'll get better. You don't need her for that - if anything she could be a drawback (sure you have time to be her psychologist now but when you get your own job etc you wont be able to) And how will she cope with you having loads of new friends and a social life that almost wont involve her? not well im gonna guess.

I think the most important thing is just how you feel bro. If you want to give a go of it you tell her that. you said yourself "I still don't want to break up and feel as giving it a try" well then do it man. If she still says she cant see it working then you've gotta accept it because its a part of her personality and mindset that is just not compatible with your situation.

Thanks, very useful post.

I have a strong frame, but yesterday i kind of had enough of all the negativity. And indeed, she can't convince herself that its going to work out.

We will talk, and i hope for the best.

This.
This is what's bothering you. This is what you have to tell her, cause it's the core of your problem. If she can't manage to solve this problem, then you leave her.
You gave her a chance to be with you, she has good quality's. And every person has their issues. Help her become the girl that you want.