Man... im kind of laughing, but kind of not. i haven't been in a relationship for over four years, and three months ago i met a stripper smoking hot. physically and mentally my type. has good banter, loving, caring and nurturing. she seemed nice and definitely wasn't showing your usual mad stripper traits, so i took a chance and taken her out. next thing, we are Boyfriend and Girlfriend. this carried on for three months and she gave me red flags over the initial lot i should have considered.

She had messaged me left right and center in the beginning. first text i get in the morning, and the last text i get in the afternoon. (she was living far awayt and came over on wednesdays for work and leave on monday to her city to finish her course study). it all stopped one day. She was still talking to her ex of two years who is in the army and has been deployed nine months ago, and was living in his house while he was away to save money. i knocked her up the first time we fucked (twins even). this and her ex bf stuff kept eating at me. we were headbutting quite a lot towards the end and eventually we decided to go on a break. it was pretty nasty and the sweet girl i knew had done a complete 180 on me. We are still on a break.

I have identified a lot of things that i have done wrong. im all about self improvement, and listed them below:



* Approval seeking - came towards the end
* Jealousy of her ex
* Complicate things by over analyzing shit
* im needy - constantly looking for her attention. when she gave it to me,
i caved in and gave it back and took the challenge away instead of pushing and pulling
* i allowed my boundaries to be bent
* followed her agenda
* Became Predictable
* Doing shit instead of saying you will i.e Äs the man of the relationship i have to do this bla bla bla"
* always stated arguments
* allowed her to disrespect me around her friends and mine
* overlooking her red flags.
* messaged her straight away. instead of message when you want to. too available for her and
removing the challenge
* not being cool enough
* telling her everything - sexual partners and history. taking away the mystery
* continuously giving her love and affection when its not reciprocated
* was ok with her not giving me sex because she was "sore"

if there is any direction anyone can point me into bettering myself, i would really appreciate it. Im not fussed about getting back with her. im not even sure if i should. despite what i said she is a sweet girl. we just didnt put in enough effort.

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Your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your character, and your character becomes your destiny.