dear locke .
i just joined the fourm recently and i looked at yours and i read a lil bit of ur answers to some questions and it is really good. anyways im not gonna talk alot im just gonna get into the body.
u see ive known this girl for 2 years , and like this year we became really close right and i like her u know shes like a 7,5 and we always go out n shit but like we go out as friends , now for new years , as everyone , she was drunk and u know the saying a drunks mind speaks a sobers heart , i called her and she was like "baby i love you " and some " ur the best thing that ever happened to me " and in the morning i'm checking my text messages out and shes like " said i love u so much " n one of those " words cant explain how much u mean to me " . so im like sick she likes me . and now i dont know what to do if i should tell her or no
So next time we're out i can just do the david deangelo routine to see if shes ready for the kiss , but like if she doesnt like me and the words she said were because she was drunk . so like i cant say i got nothing to lose cuz i do haave something to lose you know .
any suggestions ?

Dear Locke,

It's not a question of mine but my friend's one.
I will describe how the situation looks. I think my friend fell in love with one girl, she's very nice altough she's never been in a closer relationship except one time when one dumbass treated her like a tool. They have been going out for some time, and then there was something like I don't know "vacation" they didn't go out, and she was meeting that guy. And this is when the fun part begins. She thought she gave her virginity to that horn dog, and actually she didn't, guy "didn't break her hymen"(? I don't know if this is an appropriate and well constructed sentence, but forgive me ) Then my friend came in and he cheered her up etc. And they started going out again. And when it came to having sex my friend was the second one "in the game" and he actually did brak it. And what he did, he didn't thought in the other aspect than only she had sex with him. I mean being the second one after such a bastard is a privilege, am I right? And when it came to new years eve they didn't go on the same party... So my friend who actually thought she wasn't into it got drunk and picked up another girl, and spent the rest of the new years eve with her, and his girl did nothing with anybody. She knew something was wrong (woman intuition ) and we unfortunately met that "new years eve girl" some time when he was with his current one, the one he gave a stab on her back haha funny coincidence as for me, world's small... And now they had an argue and she doesn't want to know him anymore. I
I think he made a major mistake, not mentioning the one he did at the party, when he met her and he started saying how much she means to him, that he cried, and that kinda talk...
Do you think there is any way he could get her back? I'm asking because he's very depressed and I'm thinking of a way to help him, or a way to tell him what to do cause he's clueless
Regards
Prince aka Michael

Dear Locke,

I need serious help RIGHT NOW! this girl and I have been dating for about 5 months now, and I've never been in a single relationship for this long. My whole player attitude crumbles in front of her and I don't even keep any back ups now. I'm so serious with her that I plan to marry her after college.

Well, its been like two week that she's been hammered with work load and her busy daily schedules that she barely has time to see me. And let me point out that past two weeks, we've only had had sex for two days! That iS NOT ME! A guy has his own needs. Anyway, so whenever I see her, I keep feeding her my lines, trying to seduce her- she brushes them off by saying she's tired and is stressed out. I thought of a plan and gave her a seductive body massage, and that is what took to get her into bed for the second time. I'm really tired of her stressing out and this dull relationship. And now she's stressing out too, saying stuffs like "its not fair for you, leave me, I'd understand (reverse psychology crap)" and things like, "how its about the quality of time that we spend, not quantity" and all that bullshit. But no doubt I still love this girl.

Should I keep going with this relationship or what should I do? (the PUA thing would be "fuck this, life is too short for just one girl", but I do think I would still marry her) How can I spice things up? How should I handle this?

Thanks!

It is really easy for men to "get in the mood." Give us physical or visual stimulation and BAM we're ready.

However, a woman is logic and emotion based. The woman's mind controls her sexual arousal and stimulation...believe it or not. Throughout the day, everything that happens is going to weigh on her mind. If she becomes really busy or sidetracked, it is easy for her to not be able to keep her mind focused on the active sexual advances at hand.

Stressor's could be anything. It could be with the relationship, it could be with her day, it could be about you. The woman's mind controls her libido and sex drive. If the mind is not in it, then she won't be in it.

Some things you could do:

Try initiating foreplay in the beginning of the day. If you put sex on her mind, then sex will be on her mind. Simple Wink Then all you have to do is keep it there.

Ask yourself what her favorite intimate things to do are? Maybe intimacy for her is more about kissing than about sex? Or maybe it is more about holding hands in public? Try different things to find out what boosts HER intimacy level. The higher the intimacy, the higher her buying temperature. I know women who get turned on by geeky jokes and talking. I've heard of others that their turn on's are thunderstorms. You see...their arousal is completely different. Maybe foreplay isn't what gets her going, but skinny dipping is?

Bring it up with her. Communicate. This IS one of those problems that is great to communicate about. The sexual health of a relationship has a lot of bearing on the relationship itself, and vice versa. When you bring it up don't be judgmental or point blame. As I stated above, emotions have a lot to do with a woman's libido. So....carefully find out if she still has emotional passion for you. If she does still find you physically and emotionally attractive, then you can move on and know that it is either a.) her mind and personal mental state or b.) you are not triggering her intimacy switches.


Now, if after all of that is tried and the problem is still reoccurring, then I would either point towards a psychological issue, a hormonal issue, or a relationship issue. You've already tried the address a relationship issue, so now there isn't much you can do but continue to try and communicate.

And as for what to do in future situations where your sexual advances are denied?

I know. It is tough. Just as women take things certain ways, in the bedroom...men can be very touchy! We can mis-interpret things easily.
I understand your frustration and it is normal to believe something is wrong. That isn't always the case though!

Don't make a big deal out of it when it happens. If she isn't in the mood, then she isn't in the mood. The more you push, the more frustrated and further from sexual arousal she will be. She will possibly even get annoyed at herself for not being in the mood. That has a potential snowball effect and damage sexual confidence--which then just ends up leading to even lower sex drive.

So don't push. Don't freeze out, and don't take it like it is LMR.

Change the topic and kiss her, compliment her, let her know she is important to you. because obviously, if you are seeking help for this, then she is! Just go about your business; whether it is to continue talking or to go to bed. If it begins to happen frequently, then revert back to my suggestions higher up - how to deal with it.

Ok I have another question since the case with my friend is closed.
I have a gf for about 4 months now. It's ths first time since I don't flirt/seduce other women when I'm in a closer relationship. She didn't have a man longer than for a month.
The problem is that she just won't fully trust me. She doesn't trust anyone. And then again I lied to her once, not counting few lesser lies which don't matter at all, but I think I earned her trust and she has no reason not to trust me... I didn't give her one. She trusts me in things like when I go out for clubbing that I won't make out with the others, but she said once she "divides" everything I say by some numbers. Like when I say "I have never been so engaged to one person" she divides it I can't tell how many times. And when we had a talk about that she said she don't want to trust anybody because she doesn't want to be dissappointed when I do something wrong/I will lie/the relationship will end etc.
And there was 2 situations that she told me, she's tired of this relationship and she needs a rest, and after two days she was sweet as usual. I don't get it??
And the last thing, once she wrote me that she's lonely. I replied that she isn't cause I'm here. And she txted me "not enough", then I txted "of what? Me?:)" she replied "Yes" then I replied "let's meet tommorow" then she "that's not what I need now, and you know that" "so you need love? am I right?" "that's what they call it. You know sense of security, beign loved etc." she replied.
I don't know if I should emphasise/tell her that I love her, I'm afraid this might scare/discourage her(? don't know if this is a good word)...
Please tell me what to doooo...

Tell her that over new years she sent you text messages that had a lot of depth to them. Ask her if she was just drunk, or if she meant it. ANd if she meant it, from what standpoint does she love you--as a friend, or as more?

You wont be judge for bringing it up ceesquared; she really can't, considering she did send those messages. Just make sure she knows you are bringing it up because you want to escalate. Throughout this entire converstation you are about to have with her, make sure you are holding her hand or playing with her hair. Then, after all is said and done, kiss her regardless of whether she likes you as a friend or more. You'll spark some attraction.

Hello!

Just want a bit of advice about the dynamics of a relationship....

I have been seeing this girl for about 2 months, it started off well - she was really into me, enjoyed our time together etc.

More recently, I think I have relaxed a bit and become more needy which has made her become less interested and kind of bored with me.

It's like I'm doing the chasing now, rather than the other way around. She's away at the minute, so I haven't seen or even spoke to her in a
little while, and not had sex with her in a while, so I accept there's a chance she has got with other guys.

How can I flip this back so that she's the one doing the chasing and regains more interest and attraction in me? and then to solidify our relationship. I guess people will say the best thing to do is just to move on...
...but I know she still sees some value in me - my social circle is 'cooler' than hers, and on most levels we do get on really well... like very similar opinions and outlook on life. She would have officially ended it already if this wasn't the case. Also, a few times she has mentioned stuff to do together in the future, so I guess maybe she sees me as some chodey guy that she can just drag along. Although I don't really know what her take on the relationship is at the moment at all.

Any tips on what to tell her or do so that I regain control of this situation are appreciated. Perhaps punish her somehow for not focussing on me enough, and then reward any following good behaviour? or telling her im thinking of leaving her? what would drag her back in?

I wanna learn as much as possible from this!
Thanks!

Ok I tried posting this in another thread but it looks like I went to the wrong one. I'm not new to the game, just to the forums.

What I said was:

"I'm "talking" to this woman now, a classmate of mine. We're really into each other, it's obvious. We always flirt, and we enjoy each other's company (when we have the time). The thing is though, she's shy and because of some previous idiot boyfriend, she has a hard time trusting and opening up to guys.

And now, my problem is this: We text/email a lot, and have great conversations, but I ALWAYS seem to be the person who takes the initiative. I'm the person who starts our conversations, I'm the person who tells her we're going out for a drink.

How do I get her to open up more to me? To get that "comfort" feeling. How do I get her to want to take me out for a drink, or want to start a conversation with me, so it's more of a two-way street?

I know this is leaning more towards the relationship side of things rather than the actual pick up, but I was hoping for a little advice anyway."
It just makes me feel like a complete AFC when I'm starting everything.. it gives me the idea that I'm chasing her, and I want to reverse that.

Thank you in advance.

Hi Locke, I've just got in from a party, and before I forget I need to ask you something,

I recently posted about a girl I was getting in with i guess you could say, about a month or so ago.

now i really wasnt sure about this one, i tried as hard as i could to like her but i just couldnt, and shes been round my house a few times and i havent made out with her because i didnt want to lead her along, but i've kept the kino going etc etc, now she texts me all the time saying love you lots and things like that, shes keen to say the least, and my friend tells me she really really likes me, so then monday this week i managed to decide i wanted her and i told her that we would be good together and she told me she wanted that and she really really liked me but she wanted to tell me to my face on friday (today), but wednesday i text her about 4 and she didnt text back till later, sayin she had been round her aunties and that her auntie was moving away and she was having problems at home, we're both 17 btw, so tonight we get there and we're i see her and we get talking so i take her outside to talk, and she started saying i dont want to tell you cause you will hate me, so i said what is there someone else? she said nahh and kissed me! but she told me after it wasnt fair on me to get into a relationship beacause of her family issues and that she wouldnt see me much, now im confused because this happened to me with the last girl sayin she didnt want a relationship because she got hurt in the past.. does this mean the same? i took care of her tonight i got her a taxi home etc, made out with her countless times, she just text me a min ago to tell me she got home ok and put i love you, at the end, and just a second ago she rang me to tell me she was sober lol

i am really confused locke a lil help from my main man would be appreciated.