What?

So you had "the talk" with her, which is a feminine approach.

Awkward, IMHO. feels more like you needed to a assuage your insecurities, and less like a real need.

But who am I to judge? If it works out, awesome.

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Maybe you can go into detail about why this is a feminine approach.

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How do you figure?

I don't think the talk was feminine. If it was feminine I would have whined about it or been passive aggressive. I went into it casually but was ready to walk away if I wasn't being taken seriously or if she just wasnt interested. What it did help me do is clear the air and we both understand each other better. Part of the problem was that she thought I was just using her for sex which turned her off. So I'll use this to recalibrate my approach.

I first want to ask because I didn't see it in this thread - have you ever asked her to cuddle with you? If so what was her response?

There are literally 1 million reasons she could be doing some of the things (such as no intimacy after sex) - Could be pschological issues, could be she has something she has to do, could be that she doesn't like to do that. So, what do you do with this? - Be indifferent. She's still seeing you, so let it go! Maybe ask once and see what she says.

There is a paradox here because you said you don't want anything long term. In that case, why is this sort of stuff stewing in your head? Honestly, hearing "I want to take it slow" and "splitting the check" are music to my fucking ears in my state of enjoying being a bachelor.

I'm actually seeing someone with some simliar actions. After we bang she usually gets dressed and leaves. Not much cuddle time which I'd like and rarely ever does she give me much time for seconds which I can do 3 and 4 with enough time inbtwn. Yesterday I asked if I could see her and she didn't respond so guess what I did? Went to the gym and then to twin peaks for free memorial day food and flirted with other young ladies. No sweat off my back!

Talking, done from the perspective of a confident well rounded male, is not feminine.

I'm confused by the conversation. It sounds like you didnt address your needs and let her say whatever. If your issue was her leaving after sex, her not inviting you over, and her keeping distance, her explanation makes no sense. YOU'VE told her you want to talk more. SHE is the one who LEAVES after sex. SHE is the one who doesnt trust you to invite you over. I'm scratching my head on why this "we wont have sex one time" thing addresses you're concerns. This "pressure of sex" doesnt have anything to do with this....you've been showing her you like her for more than sex. Her concerns seem silly tbh, from your actions so far. If she wants more than sex, why leave right after? If she wants more than sex, why keep the you cant know where I live rule?

It sounds like even though you tried, this chick is being erratic and you're following her lead. You started the conversation, but then didnt talk about your concerns, instead you reassured her and you're taking her solution which was never an issue here. If it were me, when she said "I feel like you just want sex" I wouldve said, "you're the one leaving right after...you're the one keeping this house boundary."

I feel like this chick, either intentionally or unintentionally, is stupid. And stupid may not be the best word, but I cant think of another right now. Whats bad is you're really missing the communicate your needs things, when you dismiss your needs for hers which dont even make sense.

Because being the first one to have "the talk" is based on fear and insecurity (which is clear in this thread, the OP feels this woman has the power, whereas in his other relationships he has the power).

Based on what he posted, he acted out of fear, not a need. I personally believe it's the woman's job to bring up "what are we?" talks. This includes exclusivity, living together, etc. It's feminine to chase and to doubt. It's masculine to focus on your career and live in the moment.

He's been seeing her for what...a month? That's too soon to have a "talk", IMHO, unless initiated by the woman. Be the fun, chill guy. Give her a lot of orgasms. Blow her mind, and she'll be hitting you up every day and bringing all this shit up.

If the man has to "have the talk" it's usually an indicator that he's not being the best he can be, and it starts to look forced rather than organic.

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Hm

when the two of you have sex is there intimacy involved (e.g, kissing, holding her close, touching face etc) or is it purely sexual?

If you're good enough in bed, a woman will barely be able to walk away, lol. And she'll want to cuddle, because you've just unleashed a ton of oxytocin hormones by giving her multiple orgasms.

There's a lot of science here. Biology will override psychology every time.


NICE.

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Honestly Arch god help anyone seeking your advice.

This is how they start. I agree it's not good later on, but there is a polarity/power struggle early. It's why woman do most of the dumping, because men don't grasp this dynamic. Instead they "speak to their needs" early, and get dumped (by socially valuable women). This is emotionally-uncentered behavior.


Because most times, when a man has this mindset, he's NOT coming from a place of being able to walk away. He's fearful.

The OP's quote explains it all: "I always have the power in the relationships, this one is different, I fear she has the upper hand".

The OP reaching out was an attempt to reset the power dynamic out of fear.

Women are more intelligent, can handle pain better, and IMHO are stronger than men. But feminine energy is to chase.


No, they're based on polarity. I remember once when you called women who like sex "whores" (or sluts, forget which). That's misogynistic. So is your comment that 20-somethings are insecure and vulnerable, and somehow "lesser" women because of their age.

I've dated 22 year olds who were more mature and independent than 35 year olds. It's all about how you're raised.

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This isn't true, especially in this case. The OP is talking about feeling disrespected. "The talk" can be him communicating what he expects from her. If she doesn't follow through with his expectation, he has the power to walk. If he didn't walk, it would be that he is staying based on fear and insecurity.But this wasn't the talk that he had. Masculinity isn't about living in the moment...when it comes to the aspect of how you live, masculinity is more about not settling for the things that you don't want. If you look at most relationships, it's the woman who is normally the spontaneous one and the man always has a plan. It's what a leader does.I'm not seeing that he's having the relationship talk. He's talking about what he sees in his future and what he does and doesn't want to deal with. Again...how is this the talk? He's not saying that the relationship needs to happen now, but showing her that there is potential and giving his deal breakers. What's more likely to happen, her conforming to his deal breakers after the relationship begins or knowing what she needs to do to get a socially valuable man? FFS, the guy is a doctor. He has some value.

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Damn

I want to ask, Arch...arent you FOR a man stating his boundaries? How is that not the talk but when OP does the same its him asking what are we?

See Arch, what you say with respect to male/female roles and how to act...all that make her chase you stuff, dont have the talk stuff...its not new. Thats the same age old Mystery Method early 2000's pickup mentality. And that's fine, its just that you wrap that up in "masculinity" when even back then those guys would admit they're just doing what girls do. All the "fuck her good" and "let her beg for you" thats passive and to Jack's point, not leading. What you're saying is not new...its just that you've changed it from "do what chicks do" to "masculinity"="what chicks do." If you'd just be real and not try to rationalize passivity and fear of what she thinks into "masculinity" you'd prob get less debate. You're a MM guy...maybe you may not be using "who lies more" but you advocate most of that mentality. You know who preached "hot girls are different because xyz"? MM. You know who preached dont do anything that may scare her away? MM.

If youve never read it, give it a try. You'd prob have an easier time with the advice if you just said, mirror what chicks do. Not bring masculinity/femininity into it. MM at least admitted that it was a fem role, it didnt try to redefine masculinity to make it masculine.