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Hello Locke, i have a few questions concerning my gf of almost 2 months.(maybe hooked up for 3 months total?) I'll begin.
She's a subordinate person, not very assertive, bad with time, not very outgoing. It ends up that i'm the one who always has to invite her to my house on the weekends, go out to eat, go wherever. She never initiates it, example: "i'd like to come home with you this weekend".
The thing is she always says yes and goes/does WHATEVER i want, but she never initiates it. I would think that someone no matter who they are, if they really wanted to be with you they would bring it up and not wait for me to, which she always replies yes to. I was thinking of just NOT saying anything about us hanging out, and see if we even chill any of the days where i'm not the one bringing it up. What actions would be wise given this situation?
tricky tricky trickyyyyyyyy.
Both your questions are very interesting.
I want to address the second one first.
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One more:
Our relationship is very hot and cold every day, as of lately no consecutive days have been all lovey dovey. Example: last night we bang hardcore at 3am...walk back into the room and lay down. We cuddle for a minute or two and then she turns over away from me in the bed. I lay there neutral and basically say "fuck it, im gonna sleep" and roll over the OTHER way so our backs are facing each other. That's how we sleep for the night. This does not seem like it should happen in a relationship....in the morning she turned to spoon me but i just pushed her hands off me, and went back to sleep. When her roommate left, i got my shit on and left also just brief peck "see ya later" and left. We haven't spoke all day so far which further frustrates me b/c she knows im pissed but doesn't take any action. This has happened more than once, any thoughts?
Thanks a lot man!
Sexuality in a relationship has a lot of bearing on a man's assurance. Some men are a little less....shall we say "lovey dovey" during the course of the day. Some of us wait till the end of the night where we can openly express our mushy sides. When being rejected from cuddling, it can be easily taken as an indicator of emotional distance or relationship disinterest. However Slyder, emotional distance and disinterest will have MULTIPLE signs. So maybe man....maybe she just likes to sleep contact free? Not everyone wants a million degree body all up on them when they sleep. Personally, I like a dog on my head or a cat on my chest. Even a little bit of cuddling to get a taste of that physical reassurance. But any more than that gets uncomfortable for some people. Getting annoyed by that is understandable, but turning it into an issue will only lead to problems.
You must address it. And getting pissy and "short" with her is not properly addressing it. You have to communicate. Bring it up to her. Start by asking to cuddle for a little bit. If she denies that, then ask her if she isn't much of a cuddler while she is sleeping.
Find out the cause instead of assuming there is a problem, or instead of getting so frustrated by it.
Onto the second part (well, actually first
) Again sir, communication is necessary. After hearing your brief description of her traits, she just seems young. It also sounds like she is more of the submissive type. There is nothing wrong with being that way--it doesn't have anything to do with the relationship. What it DOES have something to do with, is the type of personality you seek out. If it really really bothers you that she is not taking charge and playing a more dominant role, the only thing you can do is ask yourself: Does she need to have a dominant role for you to continue this relationship, or is it something that you are just curious about because it is lacking?
There are a lot of things in relationships that take fixing and growth etc etc. However, her basic attributes of being less assertive and somewhat withdrawn is not one of them. That is her personality, that is who she is. You have to figure out if you want that from the person you are in a relationship, or not.
For both Slyder, communication is your solution. Find out if something is wrong. Maybe it isn't that she is not assertive...maybe she isn't just putting in effort because she doesn't care? Again, if you want a serious relationship, these are the things you have to find out. The only way to know what is going on inside each others minds is communication.
feel free to comment or add!
CHAT
