Arch: I do want to try again with her and want to go back to being completely carefree and fun (which is how I was before we got together). I'm been a little more conservative lately, trying to act like a boyfriend.
Keep in mind I've known her for over 3 years and we have many mutual friends.

I want to avoid serious talks, they ruined the attraction. Your living in the moment advice is what I needed to hear!

However, part of me wants to be sure that she didn't do anything stupid on this break (which we agreed to) as it would give me peace of mind. I need to learn to control these thoughts.

JackZero: I think wanting and doing are different. How do I know I can trust someone?
We're human and can't completely avoid those thoughts. Maybe for a while when things are new but eventually they will come up. I've been open with her about my thoughts and appreciate her being open as well - but there's no point being in a relationship if neither of us has self control or any commitment to each other. Might as well just be friends with benefits which I've already suggested.

R.C: I've been hanging out with a lot of women over the past couple of weeks (with boundaries). Usually it's easy for me to walk away, I've done it before many times. But I feel there's unfinished business here.

I do need to hear constant warnings that this could end badly. It means I'm more conscious of how much I invest into this given the risk.

Let me ask you a question. How long was it before the time you met and the time you had sex with your girlfriend?

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Good stuff!

I've been here before though, man. And you get past it by having other girls blow you, lol. Remember, we are all sexual beings. Things WILL happen. Start to view sexually active women as normal, because it is. And remember the context, youhad her for two months, and she pulled away. That's not really a relationship, that's the start of hooking up.

Attractive women like sex, and get sex. If you don't like the idea of that, date 5's or a nun.

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We met in 2014 at work and worked together until late last year. First time we had sex was late year as well. It wasn't meant to lead to anything serious but she kept pushing to hang out and eventually we ended up together.

Id been with other girls who we worked with during the 3 years and she had a boyfriend for most of the second half of the 3 years. I found out she had been attracted to me for months before we first had sex following a drunken night out (people would tell me she was attracted to me a lot but I didn't act on it because I was with other girls from the same workplace).


Arch: Its all starting to make more sense the more experiences I have. I've had an easy run recently with girls and this situation has caught me off guard!

This is worse than what I thought you were going to say. You're fighting an uphill battle. You're a rebound that turned into a boyfriend.

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She'd been brocken up for a while before we first got together, at least a couple of months. She was with other people between the break up and us getting together so wouldn't say I was a rebound. She'd been showing me interest before she had a boyfriend as well but again at the time I didn't notice/was with other girls.

I look back now with the knowledge I've gained through learning pickup and notice the things she used to do years ago which were IOI's.

What time frame after a breakup would be considered a 'rebound'?

Anywhere between 1 day and 5 years. Time is irrelevant. Her emotional stability and maturity are what matters.

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OP, the rebound thing is completely irrelevant if you are a dominant male and good in bed. All thoughts of ex's go away.

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Keep in mind OP, all this is for a chick who the sex was bad with and infrequent. Whether its you're bad in bed, or she is, don't expect the "passion" to be there for good sex after this break. This is fizzling out at best and this break is just going to make that worse. You'll try to kiss her, she'll say "lets take this slow."

RC: From what I hear she moved on easily from here last relationship. They had been distant emotionally for a while before officially ending it. They never "clicked". She's an independent person compared to many others girls I've dated.

Arch: Exactly my thought's - she's never once raised any talk of her ex or shown any emotional imapact of her past relationships like other rebound girls I've been with.

Neo: I've been with dozens of girls over the past few years and had no issues. I'm dominant in bed and like to take control! With this girl however we started off badly (a lot of drunk sex early which was aweful) but recently it got better but still not great because it wasn't frequent. I'd maybe become to conscious of wanting better sex which made it less natural for us because we thought too much about it. She insists she's struggled to orgasm (only a few times in her life which I don't believe). She's also asked me to be less rough and softer.
One thing I noticed is she appears closed off sometimes / nervous about sex with me even though she's a girl who's definelty had many many sexual partners over the years! She was more relaxed recently.

Maybe I should be the one to say "let's take it slow" and see how she responds!


The plan so far: Having read this thread here's what I'm planning to do when I see her on the weekend.

- I'll maintain my no contact. If she texts me to confirm plans I'll respond but adjust the time we meet to suit my schedule. If not I already have other plans for the night.
- I'm not going to kiss her to start when I see her first (it's a risk!). I'll give her a strong hug and be energetic and happy to see her but have limits. I'm going to approach this like a date. My focus is on attraction building (Arch what's your thoughts on this?)
- We'll go for a few drinks at a bar. This will loosen us both up.
- I'm going to avoid all serious talk about "us" while we drink. I'll slowly work kino in and just have fun and be in the moment!
- I'll make it known that the past few weeks were great for me and say the awesome things I've been up to (leave a little mystery).

Now from here its tricky. It could lead to her insisting on serious talk and it leading to breaking up. Or we end up having sex. If this happens I'll bring her to my place instead of hers. I want to know somehow though that she hasn't been with anyone else in the past few weeks like we agreed. Not sure how I can extract this without bringing in serious talk! Maybe say it in a playful way? Or wait until the next day?

I'm going into this completely ready to walk away if it goes badly (not what I want though). There won't be any clingyness.

"Do I need to use a condom?" before sex, playfully while raising an eyebrow.


Don't bring it up otherwise.

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It's so hard not to think about it but this line is perfect. It won't give me conclusion but will allow me to avoid bringing it up directly (at least in that moment!).

Will keep everyone updated on how it goes!

Thanks, I've honed that line over the years. Works well.

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Desperate words from a desperate mindset. The "fucking her silly" mantra preached here is so massively overrated. Like you're going to bang her hard one night and all of a sudden she'll want you. If it was going to happen it would have long ago.

You be an adult and ask her, directly.

Or act like a mental midget and take the nondirect approach as Arc stained pants suggests.