First off...good for getting the job taken care of. Everything else you just wrote is about you trying to figure out if this is worth it while she is doing nothing. I can't understand that type of mentality.

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Thanks

I guess i kinda need to figure out wether she is actually doing too little (maybe because i was needy or clingy for a couple of weeks, of the year and a half we've know eachother) or that i'm creating my own demons in my head cause of my insecurity. You know? I fully understand what you guys say, and i've done alot of thinking and self reflection and it does help to stay zen. But i love in a very extreme way, to a point where i can see it fucking with my head when there might actually not be such a big problem. But i think its hard to really show what's going on because you guys can't see in my head. In the end, what i CAN say, is i am (or was, i'm working on that) scared to lose her. And maybe thats the reason i might be creating false red flags in my head while she's not even aware of anything.

Why?

Will you die?

Will the economy crumble?

Will it start the Zombie Apocalypse?

You can't wipe your own ass?

Don't want to get kicked out of the Needyman's hen pecked club?

No, you are afraid you have no other option then to settle for less than you deserve.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

You're absolutely right, that wasn't the right way to say it. What i meant to say is i don't want to lose her. (But if i do so be it and i'll get over it).

I actually found alot of similarities about my situation in this post: relationships/seeing-things-vt196622-30.html I should check out that NVC, keeping this in mind:

"My words are a bit cautionary as I've been where you are now. I learned NVC out of a desperate attempt to salvage a 3.5 year on/off again relationship with an ex of mine. Using NVC I was able to hear the desperation behind her relationship threats, and that disarmed my becoming reactive to hearing her say "we're DONE!". Instead getting to the need and connecting to it whether it was for empathy, space, respect etc.. There's no doubt that NVC can dramatically alter the relationship dynamic. In spite of my efforts and my new way of framing her behavior, I realized she was unwilling to meet my need for connection, intimacy, respect, and mutuality.

The reason I am sharing this with you is that if you're coming at the situation with your partner with a 'fix-it' energy then that's missing the point of what NVC is all about.

Rosenberg gets into detail as to why trying to fix is inherently suicidal. Unfortunately that's how most males in today's society have been educated to believe. Fixing behavior fosters co-dependency in that you're trying to control another person's feeling state. You may think well "what's the problem there if I just want them to be happy?". When you assume responsibility for the way another person feels, you feel responsible for when they're happy, but you also feel responsible for when they are unhappy.
Oh how i can relate to this.. No more!

"You cannot fix a relationship, you can only fix yourself,"
(i think this is what i was really trying to ask here)

"that's the point I am trying to get across. And this is what NVC is really about, connecting to 'what's alive in you', as well as connecting to what's alive in someone else - in other words connecting to the heart first through feelings, and then to the associated need(s) underlying those feelings."

For anything to work with this girl you've got to disabuse yourself from the notion that you can fix it. The truth is YOU CAN'T. (This i starting to make more and more sense to me now)

You can, however, use this as an amazing opportunity to work on yourself. When we're in relationships it shines the light on our own issues, whatever they may be - a person can grow far more in a 3 year failed relationship than stranded alone on a desert island for 10.

How do you stop fixing? You stop. You surrender. That is it.

Surrender to what will be. You may gain a lot of great insight into her, and your own behavior, but be aware that not everyone is willing to meet your needs - in which case there are billions of other people on the planet who are able, and willing to."

So you still think the idea of long distance not working is just an opinion?

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My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

To some extent yes, cause a lot of them have worked already. However, I'm aware of the fact that they are extremely hard and their success rate is far less superior then a normal relationship. But if you're not going to take chances in life then you'll have a boring life..

Also, like I said, no matter the outcome; it's OK. I see that. Live, learn and grow.

Well, this is ironic.

When guys meet women they often times will "take it slow". Because they don't want to risk "scaring them away". And when you act like a friend because sexuality is scary, you will be seen as a friend. Hence the friendzone. Then they wonder where it all went wrong.
Playing it safe IS the real risk. Because you don't play to win, you play to not lose.

You on the other hand are saying you're taking chances. No my friend. You're not. Taking a chance would mean ending a bad relationship, facing the idea of being single, and being open to the possibility of meeting someone that actually cares for your needs anywhere between tomorrow and who know when. That's taking a chance.

Instead, you're coping. You're staying in an unhappy relationship simply because it's a relationship. It offers you little stability but it offers you some stability. The only thing you're chancing is your own happiness.

You're not playing to win. You're playing to not lose.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

You're probably right, but i feel alot more at ease already knowing that i'm ok with whatever the outcome may be. I'm not expecting me to have a complete change of heart overnight. I'm just going to focus on growing myself, for myself and whatever happens happens. Right?

Well put.

Ok so, the question then switches from "How do i get back in her emotional circle" (because i kind of see that this is irrelevant) to "What are the steps i can undertake to develop myself in relationships (for my OWN good)"

You don't develop yourself in relationships. You develop yourself period, regardless of your status.

I'll get back to that answer once I have some time if no one else does it until.

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I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

I didn't mean develop myself in A relationship, but that's probably not what you were trying to say.
I develop. period.

Ok, thank you for your help.

relationships/the-guys-who-want-their-b ... 92365.html

Read this. Regardless of the title or the reason you develop, that's how you develop.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

But it's not really my ex. Or should i treat this as if she was my ex? I'm getting the feeling alot of you are really hammering on "break up with her". Or am i seeing that wrong too?

thanks for the article. (feel like she's been a bit more willing to give, judging on her behaviour yesterday - but then again, this might be a result of the "I don't really care anymore " attitude i'm developing"

X Duplicate.

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