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Mac, I've got some pretty bad inner-game issues going on here and need to find a cure for this shit... I'm always putting this woman as a #1 in my life it sucks. She's my ex, she broke up with me over a year ago, I consider her my first girlfriend, hell she was, we dated for 6 months they hands down the best 6 months of my life.
Of course there were other women before her I hooked up with at parties, or some random girls I met at a ski resort or disneyland.. you get the picture. I like to think I'm fantastic with picking up girls, probably one of my many natural talents and people ask me for advice all the time. Also there were a handful of girls after her I tried dating, I got them dated them, felt absolutely nothing for the girls. Don't get me wrong they were wonderful women all going somewhere in life all beautiful, but not one kept me interested and I never fell for them you could say. I have always had something for my ex though, no matter what I loved her and still do.
Anyways back to this ex of mine, after 7 months of zero communication we see each other one night, she had just been broken up with that same morning and she comes over, simple movie and we talk for 5 straight hours on my bed, most we did was makeout for an hour or two until the morning came and she had to get off to work. Right off the bat we spend everyday together, first week we have sex.. best damn sex of my life too.. and I can assure you hers as well. We still spent everyday together just catching up and I realize I've fallen for her again, she's on my mind all the time, I'm thinking of "our future together" and shes all lovey dovie too. this lasts for a good two months, each day I become more and more in love with her. Then it starts going downhill, she starts becoming less interested. and me being a person blinded by love, I try to pull her back and she just gets pissed at every little thing I do.
We stop talking for a week because, she wants to be "friends that kiss and hug, but not friends with benefits, and doesn't want a relationship from me" She tells me, I'm not good boyfriend material pretty much, said I'm amazing at sex it's just I seem inexperienced regarding LTRs.
Well after a week of NC she hits me up saying, I'm a good person in her life, bla bla bla and she wont deny BEING FRIENDS.
Hell no, I can't settle for just being friends, I'll always have a desire for more with her. I don't tell her this.
So we hangout "as friends" she pretty much throws herself on me on my bed and we kiss. WTF I'm thinking to myself, she told me 10 min ago we can't kiss... So I'm like w/e and let this play out. It gets worse...
We see each other MAYBE once a week when its convenient for her, and you can just forget about texting or calling she wont reply to any of those with much enthusiasm or promptly like she did when we were fucking.. I took her to the movies about a week and a half ago had a good dinner... madeout with her, she tells me she had a wonderful time we should do it again.. and starts ignoring the shit out of me again.
Oh and facebook isn't even the list anymore she blocked me after I asked her about a post that seemed like it went with our situation, pretty much saying there's a reason you're not in my life. She swore it wasn't about me, but she can make it about me. Then goes and says you need to stop being self centered not everything I do is about you... You can just leave me alone right now I've been really busy with work.
So we haven't talked in a about a week now, cause I'm respecting her telling me she'll contact me and for me to not bug her.
I'm not asking on how to get her back, it's just some simple NC, reconnecting and being aloof and kino here and there until she wants me again.
I want to know how can I change myself into good boyfriend material? I'd say I get clingy and jealous towards her, but seriously it's cause she's on my 10 list making a lot of guys try and get with her.
Like I said before, when this happens I unintentionally make her #1 in my life. So how can I change my inner game so I'm more of a good boyfriend not just some guy good at a lay here and there. I also feel if she notices something with me has changed, I could end up with her for a long while, I just don't know what needs to change.
Dude, im in the exact same situation, but worse. You know.. shit.
I dated this girl for 8 months, all of the 8 months I thought of her constantly, while SHE WAS fucking other people. I am not kidding, she did it, I knew it, I told her about it, she said nothing about it, I got really chumpy about it but just wouldnt stop letting her in my life and knocking on her door in hers. After 8 months she broke up with me, and I started working on my inner game. After 2 months she gets back to me and then starts the story that looks exactly like yours. She's my friend one second, girlfirend the next, and like, worst enemy the third. It gets completely out of control and I wont get in too deep about what happened but she continued cheating on me and I lost my inner game, or forgot about it. I sort of thought that I could change her and started calling her like 1 time a day playing her therapist. I actually drew up pictures, like, minmaps of what she had told me to figure out what I needed to fix with her. (I know, this is insane)
She broke up again. I was devastated again. She went abroad, and I did too for some reason. Didnt like to think it was because of her, but oh, what do you know, after like 1 month of travveling she starts to mail me again telling me she wants to come with me. And here my friend, you'll get chills.
I meet her up in her new apartment abroad. We chat, hold hands and look for stuff to take with her on our travels. She wants to say goodbye to her friends "first" and we have a party. What do you know, suddenly a dude turns up and they are totally together. I mean, the hold hands, look at eachother sexy and in front of me they are telling eachother stuff that you know. Are totally sex-related in their own flirty way.
The last day, I sleep in her bed while she's at his house giving him a blowjob. How do I know? Because when I was at her apartment (she lived with a friend) her friend got a Text from the guy she dated who said something that I wont go in to detail, but it was obvious that he in his own PUA-way bragged about her totally pleasing him. Maybe not PUA, I didnt get to know him that well. Actually he was kind of a dickface. He talked to people in a way that made them feel sort of bad, but maybe it was just me. I dont knwo. It doesnt matter. She slept at his place anyway.
The next day, she sais she wants to stay, and I leave, alone.
The next couple of months theres not a lot of contact between us, besides from a couple of emails she sends to me. Until, like, a month ago. She sends me this weird mail where she sais she is sorry becuase obviously she has been "manipulating me" (thats what she said). I totally fell for her again, responded and what happenes next after my reply? She breaks up with me. We havent seen eachother for like 5 months, we had sex one time at her apartment abroad, and we kissed when we said goodbye. But after that no contact for like 5 months, and she tells me she is sorry, I reply, and she breaks up with me. I may have been forgotten about myself in my replys. Probably, I dont know. I sent her long emails and it felt right in the short term but after a couple of days of no answer I got the guilt and sended a new one, and a new one, and a new one and so on.
Ive been on a emotional rollercoaster since, and am pretty much fucked in the head about this. I dont know what to make of it, one second I feel one thing, the other some other thing. And the thoughts? They are the same. One second I think something was my fault, then the other something was her fault.
She didn't respond to me for like 2 months after she broke up, so I ended my frequent emailing her with telling her the same thing. I agreed with the break up. At first, I felt great. I thought that we were agreed and that felt a lot better than before where i had to try to figure out what she was thinking. But now, I am almost afraid of that she will get back to me again which seems logical when Ive agreed with her breakup. I can totally imagine her feeling guilty right now (I feel it) but I also feel very confused and I have been thinking alot about what someone said here. If "she feels it, you feel it" or if it was vice versa. If that is true, it is only a matter of time before she gets back to me again.
Theres only one solution I have found for this extremely anonying "disease" and it is focusing on other stuff. You cant think "I wont think about her" cause if you do that your mind will automaticlly think about her. You have to just let the thoughts and feelings about her come and go, and dedicate yourself to focus on stuff that makes you feel good right here and right now. Like, women that are sexier than her, or career, or money, or whatever. It is obvious that she is poision and you need to avoid her at all cost. This would probably attract her (if you do it right) but you need to have self respect and don't buy her bullshit again because she is in reality not good for you. Focus on other stuff and just, avoid her because she is poision.
Other stuff you can do is forgive yourself and her for whatever stupid shit that might invade your mind. Or be mindful about it. Think of it as what it is. Thoughts. Its not you that made her a sandwich the wrong way (or whatever she has been telling you that you do wrong). It is a thought. And it is the past. IF you think about it that way, that might help you get through this.
And about the self-respect. I think you need to step up. Either you break up with her because you obviously are being completely toyed around. Or you just erase her from your life and dedicate your time to focusing on other stuff. You cant keep on this game of letting her control your life. Think of it as a battlefield. You simply can not win the war by trying to "win" the relationship with her, in other words, sending her emails critizising her or whatever you do to "win her back". Neither can you surrender since that makes you depressed.
You have to just Let it be in some way. Im not sure, I havent learned enough already from my experience. Im strugling with this everyday.
CHAT
