reacting is just waiting for shit to happen... i like to control my own life and being reactive is not controlling things. I don't have to control things, i just don't like other people controlling my things - especially emotions.
I want to design my own life and i don't want other people to design it for me.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

girlfriend has issues and doesn't want to talk about it and lately talking to her seems kind of lifeless I asked her best friend and she said "be there for her but don't pry into her life" please help

How long you been with this girl?

If a girl has issues, wants you to be there but wont tell you what they are, how can you be there? why should you, and where is her appreciation for you? Whole point of maintaining a good relationship and getting through the bad bits is to speak, and share problems.

Shows what a great friend she has too.

_________________
Been there, done it, oh and still doing it!

: Blog entries@ http://kennyspuathoughts.wordpress.com/

Hello, fellow PUAs.
All of us have our desires. I have a unique taste for making a female fall head-over-heels in love with me. (I will give a description of my being so that you will understand my entire position.) I am romantic and deal with any obstacle so that she is so seduced by my allure that she is powerless over my every whim. Using various tactics that shows them that I am very unique, I make the female feel so special and beautiful that she glows with happiness. Their happiness and feelings of fulfillment truly makes me glow as well, for it exudes from them into me. I love to see my effect on them—and it creates a feeling of fulfillment to me. There is this feeling that I get from their true desire for me and contentment with my actions that keeps me going. There is a bad side to this story.

I do not open myself to love anymore. I had a three and a half year relationship whereby I loved my college sweetheart. I no longer wish to give that kind of commitment to any female at the moment (I’m 24 right now and enjoying the single life). I want them to love me, yet I do not reciprocate. I give them everything, yet I would never say that I love them whereas they say it to me. I try my best to make them better and stronger individuals, teaching them trades from martial arts to love making.

To make matters worse, I have two girlfriends right now who are so intrigued by me that they no longer want to have fun with me only even though the sex is truly amazing with both; they want a more serious commitment. What do I do in a situation where I do not want to break any of their hearts, yet sooner or later one will find out? It is not as easy as simply choosing the one that I like more because I like them both for different reasons. How do I break the trust I have built based on loyalty—one that I have broken by being with two of them, yet they no nothing about yet? I do not want to hurt them, so I continue having both fall for me more and more. I even feel that it is too late to let one of them go without hurting that person.

This situation is rather complex; I understand. I am interested in knowing your opinion. Thanks for your time. (I LOVE THIS COMMUNITY!)

Hey guys,

I've been in a relationship for the past three months, being that i don't do relationships often its been a fairly new experience.

The problem is I feel like i've invested more in the relationship than her. Don't get me wrong im always doing other hobbies to keep me busy but I also want to spend time with her . She doesn't really share her feelings at all so i dont know were she is at in the relationship. Obviously I dont want to invest more in the relationship than her. Without the risk of being seen as needy, do I tell her I love spending time with her? And if she feels the same way I do about the relationship?

Thanks

Ok so this is what happened next,i believe that i did the right thing :
My gf is really busy with hobby's and we don't meet too often(1-2/week) and when she got a little free time she told me she isn't in the mood to go out.So I got a little pissed, I acted a bit stupid and uncertain(reacting to her 100% almost,but having a 4-5 month relationship).Also lately I've also tried to be more close, that after using game in relationship.Guess that made me more AFC,but in a way i was trying to be this way feeling that i was more sincere with myself.
What happens next is we meet and she tells me we'd better stay friends(so we don't break it up fast and get hurt).Also she acts really cold to me.I didn't even took it serious,but after she told me several times I said ok.Later she starts escalating "just as friends",first i'm not ok with that but then i start doing it myself.I could see that in a way she wanted this to stop while i was escalating,but in a way she wanted to go on.
Went back home,thought about it and told her that i react to her,showing my emotions,treat her good and this is what I get ? LJBF and her coldness ? Told her I need some days to think about it,in which we break contact.
*I know that if i freeze her out I might get her back,but I don't want to use such methods,now she made me use it.Obviously the friends stuff is bullshit,she has feeling for me and would explode if she'd saw me with another girl.

don't judge her , no matter what don't judge her. if you judge alot she will feel more closed because she will think you will judge her problems ( if she has problems). if you feel like you have to say something about anything just tell it like it's your opinion ( calm).

also don't acknowledge like it's a problem , you don't what's going on so don't pretend like there is a huge issue going on.

Don't force her , don't act like something is wrong ( forcing is pry )
Don't judge her

when you pick a girlfriend you also pick her problems ..... true - but that doesn't mean they are your problems - you don't have to take responsibility for something which you don't really know or understand.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

Lorenzo321

what im saying is not that you're wrong .... you decide what you like and what you want to do - like most people - even i while being rational do certain things which make no sense tho i get satisfaction from it. We are all human so no judgements here.

Let's pick some things just to get real : i know what you are talking about however your desire is not by you and for you. You do something and the reaction of external factors have are satisfying you ( people reacting to you - social assigned value ) - nothing wrong with it - just realize true happiness can't come from other people they are just a bonus. You can't give what you don't have.
question here ; if you really believe you are/were unique you don't have to impress them with certain tactics. Your life is probably interesting and most people are but if you really believe you are something you don't need to impress people. Of course there is nothing wrong with conveying your personality and so forth. being not doing...... Look you probably got some things going in your life - you are not doing them you are being them because they are your passions. Create a good personal distinction between being and doing.
isn't this a very harsh thing to do ... make someone love you but not accepting their love.... this will probably make someone feel unwanted or give some other particular negative emotions/thought. What you are doing is getting validation but backing off when you have to give anything back so you put-up a excuse you make their lifes better by teaching them things.

look you probably are doing good things for these woman, but you are rationalizing excuses - you are drawing someone into something and you are not taking responsiblity when consequences arise. If you can give people everything but not love them you are not giving them anything .... because you should give them something out of love and not because you get fullfillment from it. you give them something because it makes them feel good and second because you love them to a certain degree .... love should be the first place.

A relationship has alot in common with business transaction/relationships - your social alliance with these woman are more business like than anything else. You are having sex with them and as reward you are giving them things but you aren't giving the love they expect.
actually you are deceiving them and making them weaker. ( on long term)
you are already breaking their harts by using them for your fullfillment...and by not being honest. nothing to do with unconditional love , sounds like you are using them as providers. you are already using them but you backward rationalize some excuses so you can keep sucking value out of external factors.
yes it is and i love you as well..... this may sound harsh but the woman should be the last thing on your mind , you only need to be honest with them - that's all.... first you need to know why you are behaving like this because you don't like it - if you did like it you wouldn't be posting here.

on you .... in a direct way ( read these like it are my hallucinations)

You have not changed like you want to and you are still the same guy as 3,5 years ago..... maybe some extra tactics on top. You sound like the guy who is still jaded to some degree but rather instead of concious it's unconcious..... you cannot love someone because you are afraid to give it to someone. People don't do things out of fear however they create all these excuses why they aren't doing it...... if you enjoy single life you should tell people as well.
You also sound like a guy who has respect for people , since you are relying more on external validation you could also be honest to your enviorment- the issues will auto-correct if you are honest.

The value are the good feelings you get from these relationships..... you don't want a serious commitment but you want the spice of life by having relationships. You first need to unwire these values you are getting from external validation because if you keep going on like this , conditioning will turn in programming ( more permanent features ). You can get satisfaction by having one serious relationship , you probably have done it before and other people are doing it. You associate pleasure with realtionships and pain with serious commitments , the pain is just a residue of former conditioning ( from the fromer relationships ).
it Will turn into repeative behaviour and this will give you problems when you need or want to commit into a serious realtionship........

all behaviours which you don't like but still performs turn into unconcious repeative behaviours which can give problems into all aspects of life. NOt being honest , not taking responsiblity , mistake friendship for love and so forth.
You have not been honest and not trustworthy with both woman , you haven't told them everything and the trust is based on bullshit because you weren't honest. it's not how the house looks it's what it's based on - the ground ... something build on swamp will deteriorate on long term.
your values of loyalty - trust - love are ... hypocrite ... did your former GF cheated on you ?

All these validations and fullfillment you get are based on dynamic factors ... external pillars - if both people walk out of your life you are not getting your value - emotions by validation.... i pressume you unconciously fear this as well because you keep going on in the current situation. If you find fullfillment into yourself you have static value - whatever your enviroment will do you will not be affected ( maybe a little bit in a healthy way.)

the way you are behaving is corrupting your values , destroying your relationships, making you vulnerable to external changes, making you hypocrite, and you fear is growing because you are not being real - the more you get the more responsibility you get - the more fear of losing you get.
yes but you have to be honest ... the longer you keep doing this the more they will get hurt. It's damaging you and them....

guys start with a pua journey because they want to get a girlfriend .... they end up with two woman while being dissatisfied. how can that happen ? many people want one girl , i can be satisfied with my garden - i mean i feel enlightened when i look at my garden i can have this feeling with a girl wether because of my values or of my social conditioning.
Be crystal clear where you want to go and where you are at right now.
Take action ... follow through .. fuck fear

you cannot find anything you want by searching... there is no such thing as a result because it will never go like you have imagined. everything is a signpost leading you to a certain direction ; where is it leading you right now ?
ask yourself; why you're into a relationship with both of them instead of being friends ? remember , not being honest is not seeing the issue.

my personal value about committing ; i don't fear it and i don't give a damn ... i commit to people wether they are honest or not... maybe they use drugs maybe they are manipulative sluts - i don't care...... i can commit to a relationship but i also can commit to dumping them...

Committing is a general defention with alot of meanings ... you can commit to bungee jumping, you can commit to a MMA fight, you can commit to anything.
Not committing to anything is just giving in to fear, Not committing to honesty , not committing to love..... if you don't commit to one certain aspect you probably don't commit to alot of things as a generalisation

who do you wanto to be ?

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

do not invest more than the other - unless you are very experienced and you are having VERY good inner game. There is nothing wrong with telling someone you like spending time with him/her.....
if you invest too much you will get needy... no need to explain this in depth.
do realise everything changes , maybe she will commit over a few weeks - everyone has their way of loving someone , it could be you are not perceiving it as love while the other person feels like she/he is giving alot.

Invest as much as the other person is doing
Put yourself on the first place
Don't play social power games
Realise every relationship is different AT A CERTAIN MOMENT
Don't ask or force her about the relationship - asking is forcing in most cases
Not liking something about the relationship is resisting the moment thus not accepting the relationship in general - unconciously you will sabotage your relationship .. so don't force it

it's like a plant .. you cannot make it grow ... if you give it too much water it dies. moderate water and sun requirements are ok in most situations

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

poet1234

you did the right thing ...

find yourself a girl who is mature and knows what she wants .
She does not express herself and she's making you do things you don't want to do.
respectless ......

cut her out off your life , it's better to invest time in yourself or in someone who is worth it - someone who knows what she wants.
i've read all your posts and answered ... she's not mature - you are way further regarding relationship values and so forth. Sometimes it doesn't work BUT sometimes another person doesn't give it a chance to make it work.

she's not on the forums asking questions and investing time.... she's going out with friends ? she's avoiding you ? ... you have every right to get another girl .. let her explode. She wants to be friends and starts escalating short after ? fuck that shit ......
Obviously the friends stuff is bullshit, it's always bullshit .......you have every right to do whatever you want. she probably doesn't even know what being friends really means .

i would ignore her and delete everything

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

Long story short - Brouke up with my gf after 6 months.

The reason why we broke up is that she is going to her home town and will be working there for one month (probably 3). We dont have car and public transport is not on our side, she could not come to my town maybe only on sundays, and i could go to her town but i have tight schedule too.(note: we dont live far only one hour away maybe a little more).
Also spending night at her home town is not an option cuz she lives with her parents and she doesnt want to come to my place beacause of my parents (we both agree that it was still to early to meet family)

I already felt bad cuz of some personal issues and now well u guess, the break up was good we kissed for the last time and said goodbye.

Now i dont know what to do, just let it go or at least try something out (and what, any idea is welcomed)

ps. I am not fucked up like i expeced i would be after a break up but still its tough.

What do u guys think about this? Any response is good

Basically I've been with my girlfriend for a little over a month, we have a good relationship I say. Wetalk an hang out pretty much everyday( I kno that's not good lol).. However recently I think she's lost some respect for me. She usually does anything I ask her to do. For example " take this shirt to the cleaners" pick me up a drink from the store" but latly she hasn't been as urgent or consistent with the things I tell her to do. My question is, how do I regain the respect we had at the start of our relationship? Should I distance myself a little until it comes back?? What do you think? What would you do? Hurry! Lol leave it here dudez

_________________
“The best way to get the person you want is to not be afraid to lose them”

“If you act like she is too important, she’ll treat you like your not important”

1k

Lode,

I was reading a post you made saying how you shouldn't worry about your gf doing anything with strangers, but that her friends should be the biggest danger if your gf was to ever cheat on you. I trust my gf but I can't lie, whenever her friends text or call her to come out to chill or whatever, I get extremely jealous and insecure. Of course I don't let her know that. But its extremely obvious to me that all they want to do is f*ck her, and of course she just says they're being friendly.

She's not a stupid girl and definitely knows when a guy is trying to flirt with her.
Now my question is, what is the best way to approach or deal with this matter?

Well...which one is it ?
I had the same problem.But let her be the one bringing up the subject,let her be the one be "scared" when you go out with friends.Now you invest more => relationship is going down since there is no balance.And you invest more because of something that is in your mind.She may not even do it on purpose,every girl has friends and gets hit on.
I say go make female friends,invest a bit less by saying : if she cheats i will dump her,or keep her only till i find something better.
Also,understand you are not only experiencing fear,but resisting it.You say "what can i do,maybe she cheats on me now" instead of just accepting the situation and the fact that you can never know for sure what she will do.Accept the fear,you cannot avoid it in no relationship.