When you are picking up a girl and you convey value she will laugh about anything. It's like on your work... the boss comes in and makes a joke which isn't fun at all but co-workers laugh - value.

if you walk up to a girl and she wants to sleep with you - you can do a monkey dance or lion imitation and she will laugh she will probably laugh about the dumbest shit. When you get into a relationship it becomes different because most values are dynamic and not static ,thus people have different criteria or expectations for different scenarios. Lets say she got imprints - she got imprints on how to get a guy - how a guy must be and even how a relationship should be.

Her criteria changes her personality ( criteria activates a certain personality perspective, criteria for imprint access) - people have different personalities when responding to someone/something of value ( like the guy she wants etc ). In a relationship the wole personality changes - like she doesn't laugh about certain jokes anymore maybe because she wants a guy who is serious ( values and criteria are different for every person).

You either have less/lack value ( in her perspective ) by doing something which she doesn't value or she is having different identity criteria for relationship ( different expecations on how a relationship should be ). Not meeting her criteria means she doesn't access her good personality(imprints) ( the one that easily laughs about stuff etc).

Things you did at pickup are irrelevant right now, things you did in a relationship which were good are relevant. You are not meeting her criteria...

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
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Hi man
Here I am again,needing a opinion.So,just as a quick reminder,i am the guy with the insecure girl(might be cause i am her first boyfriend) that likes from me "girl behavior" such as freeze's etc.
So,this is what i continued doing,meeting her max once a week,and the rest of the time kind of ignoring her.Turns out that i made a player out of myself in her eyes,since she complained that i only look at her as a "thing"(and not as a girlfriend) and sometimes forget to contact her.She really looked serious this time so i told her that i actually cared a lot about her,and tried to convince her into that.I was being honest,but i don't know if she could believe that since she told me sometimes she doesn't know when i make fun of her and when i'm serious.Feeling that i was opening myself(and i really was,like never before) i asked her to do the same thing,but she said it was hard enough for her to tell me this already.I asked her if she wants us to be more close and she said she doesn't know.I asked her if she needs more time and she said time won't help.So i didn't know how to go deeper in the problem,and asked her to go out the other day.She refused me,so i told her we need a break for a few weeks(also because i was angry that night).Next morning after i told her about the break i called her and just started talking so that we still remain friends etc.(just so i make enough needy stuff/day lol).And i ended the conversation by telling her to let me know when her thoughts are at order.
I am being optimistic,and maybe this situation will solve in a few days idk,but i feel there is a bigger problem to be solved.
Any advice is appreciated.Thanks a lot

poet , i ran into some problems lately and had issues with my internet connection - sorry for the late reply.

She won't open up and you feel she's hiding something, it could be anything or she's creating distance out of fear - fear of banding.

1. She doesn't trust you enough - she got deep issues trusting people
2. She keeps you on the line , not telling you anything so she gets more attention ( maybe victim behaviour).
3. She can't backward rationalize her emotions

She just being vague , just keep your distance - it could be she feels bad about her own life but she cán't find out why so she just backward rationalize her emotions and make you the problem. She's just telling you she is feeling like a ''thing ''because she feels like it , you have probably nothing to do with it since you open up about it in a very serious way. Also people who don't know if your making fun about them or not lack certain social skills and people who lack social skills are just very insecure to people who have ''value'', those people often communicate out of their ego because being open can result in being hurt - being of value can push you out of her reality on long term.

She likes the player behaviour because that's what she responds to but if you get close and more serious she creates distance. It's possible she's trying to put you into ''pick-up/player mode '' - remember people respond to things which are having certain values to their reality either negative or positive, coke is value to a drugaddict but it's still a negative value. It seems she only responds to your pickup / player like persona and if you are being open and honest she pushes you away probably perceiving you are ? non-authenthic ? .

it could be everything ... maybe some behaviour in her past which led to neurotic behavioural patterns, we don't know. What i do know, is you are posting - there is nothing bad about it but do you feel anything for her ? being emotionally attached to her could be a bad thing because it can go either way, you got to ask yourself do you want this ? do you value woman who act or think like this ?
PS. there is a point where you have made a ''mistake'' by being angry on her , by being angry she subconciously comes up with reasons not to trust you - if you get angry about her rejecting to go out you probably can't handle her problems.
Never be angry or aggressive towards people who are introverted/closed about issues otherwise they will remain closed, people who don't talk about their problems out of fear.. fear of rejection, punishment or confrontation with themselfs.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

i got one..
dating for almost a year...when we first started going out i didnt care much about her and i acted total PUA so she saw alot of value in me...now i find myself reallly caring for this girl...last night we had a talk about how things got a bit mundane and wants to get some excitement back and wants to feel like i could dump her any minute so she has to fight for me to keep me...she wants value in me again..now personally its been a rough patch...
now my question is whether this is possible and how it could be done?

I do care about her,but I'm not very emotional invested.I tried to talk this,about her insecurities,but few days after...nothing changed.
Since you didn't mention it,there is nothing i can do to change her right ?Or to make her realize the problem so she wants to change ?

me and my ex got back together about 1 months but it is in open relationship. well the relationship went well and stuff except at every party, after i almost did her , she just avoiding me and flirt with other guy , or my friends sometime gave them a kiss too. do u have any advice for this?

There are a few ways to conversate about it, however you really need some good communication skills. If you bring it up a few times she feels bad about it , most people do not like to get confronted with their own behaviour or insecurities. If you bring it up but you fail to inspirate her into change she will probably feel bad , if you do it too often she will associate bad feelings to you since you are the one confronting her with own thoughts/ behaviour.

Guys who are trying to help girlfriends are emotional in most cases which is a bad thing - i believe forcing or trying to change someone is bad. You must be willing to inspire and leave it at this - you don't throw the same newspaper with the same news 10 times in the same mailbox it's probably a waste of time.
Anyway if you force it, there is a chance she will associate bad feelings to you whenever she feels those certain emotions and therefore avoid calling or meeting you out of pain. Don't condition your girlfriend to associate certain ''bad'' emotions to you.

Unless you are a expert it's almost impossible to change people or inspire them to do so, if someone doesn't want to change it's somewhat impossible.
There are some concepts for influencing people like NLP , just remind you should not program people - conditioning is different. Programming is permanent and could be disastrous if done by newbs , conditioning is temporary thus it's less likely to give bad associations to people.

Look im not telling you to use NLP on your girlfriend but it is good to be aware of certain factors in your enviroment. Tony robbins ''personal power'' does have some simplified explanations of NLP, good material !

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

Dating for a year but lol , do you date for a year or do you have a relationship with her ? Wel she noticed value in you once you was acting all PUA like - now you care about her and now you treat her as value - most of this is unconcious and is presented in the subcommunication. One you start caring about some one your sense of humor change and you are caring more about what that person thinks of you /about you.

Why do people want to be treated like they are expendable... like they can get dumped anytime ? Well people who care less are in state more often and are present with high energy so you are high value throughout subcommunication. However once you're value to someone that person will be conditioned to respond to that behaviour because you've conditioned or maybe she conditioned herself to respond to that behaviour only. People have different personalities when responding to a certain situation or scenario, people have also different personalites when responding to value. IT could be there are other things in her life which are not as exciting and she seeks the energy in you, lets face it , if you really think about what a glass of water is and you really go deep into it you can get excited about it. .... i mean one atom can give enough energy to run the planet for one day with atom-fusion technology and now im drinking it - i can get excited about a glass of water, i can get excited about sport and many other things.

She takes value , what she literally is saying is ; hey my cup is empty can you fill it ? and right now you probably fill it with care and maybe solid love but it's not what she's perceiving - her relationship values are different and most woman think this way ; '' it must be cool '' '' it must be fun and exciting ''. Also realize relationship values come to work wehn both people are into a relationship because certain subcommunications determine unconciously how the realtionship is valued and in which way it's valued. She conditioned herself to act to these values.

so i have less value in the relationship ? Yes , in her mind you have less value - to say you have less value in life is stupid because you can build and have value whenever you give yourself permission to do so. The reason she doesn't dump you is because she's emotional invested , she invested time energy and emotions thus you have value in some way and she wants to keep it. Do realize if she find another guy who is exciting, i don't know if she's the cheating or easy type , but most people respond to value - once they perceived value they rationalize negative ideas and behaviours to something which is having less value or no value.
Girls starting fake fights with their boyfriends just to feel good and rationalize reasons to break up.

Changing because she wants it is not a good idea , i mean you is you and you got feelings and that's completely normal. if someone wants you to change it's because they dont accept you for who you are and they don't value you - it's not love - it's selfish love because they want to get something out of it while you maybe suffer. Look if my girlfriend is insecure of traumatized i would try to change her, but im not only doing it for me - i would do it for friends or even complete strangers since im doing it right now.

What makes someone AFC ? well ... that's subjective but i do believe it's afc to value someone more than you value yourself - that means surrendering your own motivations and will to life - it is supplicating. it's like being a small country which is getting annexed because it's believing it is nothing on its own. Because you perceive someone as value you tend to make yourself into a object of value - but what does this do to you ?

if you supplicate and change yourself to someone elses will /reality could be counter productive , you've conditioned yourself to value something else above you and you let your enviroment condition you.
if your girlfriend is a lazy coke whore , it would be very stupid to comply to her reality - it is negative social feeback which you perceive as value because you perceive the source as value. If all your friend snort coke it's probably a matter of days until you snort it... but only... if you perceive your friends as value ( placing them on a pedestal ). Social conditioning is always putting pressure on you and it's always influencing you , you have good social conditioning and bad social conditioning - the more you change because of other people in your enviroment the more you comply to social conditioning.

complying to your girlfriends need probably does the opposite , il bet you supplicate even more instead of being '' cool and alpha ''. the last thing you want to happen is to become more woman like through behaviour. it reminds me of the quote out of fightclub '' we are a generation of men raised by woman , i think getting other woman isn't the solution''.

Don't change because someone else want you to, change because you want to do it for yourself. if you want to be interesting and fun and cool GO TRAVEL ... im serious go out on your own in some foreign country, design your life to be more interesting and your subcommunication will automatically adapt.

Do what you want to do in life .....
Why do you want to change for your girlfriend ? think how counterproductive it is when you do it ( result ) but also think what it results in when you don't do it - now come up with negative and positive results and motivations.
imagine this .... five years later ... you come home tired from work and you need to neg your girlfriend otherwise she wouldn't like you ? that sounds ridiculious - if your girlfriend wants you to act PUA you are probably better off dumping her and going out everyday because it doesn't matter if you are PUA in the club or PUA in a relationship since it does have almost similar value. You don't want to set up your pick up persona everyday even when you don't want to , you would probably be better off sarging until you meet someone who does accept you for who you are.

What kind of relationship do you want ? are you comfortable being PUA in a relationship and can you do it all the time ? if you can or do it's ok , but right now you already told us you have feelings so you probably don't feel like negging or anything like it you probably would be more comfortable with connecting and all that kind of stuff. What do you want from her ? do you want real love and acceptance or do you want to GET love and acceptance by changing yourself in a object as value or what she is considering value and giving up your own emotions and sense of reality ?

Just design your life to be more fun but only for you run a jealousy plotline in the club , talk and interact with another woman and look how your GF would react , if she doesn't like you doing it you should revise your last conversation about what i've put in the quote - because now you got leverage to confront her with her own sabotaging beliefs.

you can also tell her you don't want to change because you are who you are and if she can't accept it you are probably better off without her.....Let her value drop down not because you want to but because you chose for yourself and you value yourself this all gives you leverage and value and the more value you have in a relationship the more you can change.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

Well .... what are her motivations for getting back together ? we cannnot know and look into her head but when can get feedback from her behaviour. Her motivations of getting back are not really getting back together - that's clear - it sounds like '' hey i stick to you until i find something better''. Most guys will tell you to not care or to make her jealous and so forth , im not telling you to do stuff like that - what im telling you is to think about what you want to get out of this relationship.

If you want a relationship you are not in a good position because you are in a open relationship - meaning it is not giving you the result you want and this bothers you. You almost did her and now she's avoiding you ? well flirting with other people happens alot of the time however :

1. open relationship
2. it is your ex
3. avoiding you and flirting with guys

it sounds like rejection and you probably take it like rejection - she doesn't want otherwise she would comply easily. You have shown up and she turned you down , i see no reason to have any hopes on a relationship. my mindset in this kind of situations is : here i am and if you don't take it or like it you - fuck you '''it doesn't mean im literally saying ''fuck you'' but it's the context - take it or leave it and not somewhere in between.

Of course you can Neg the guys and be alpha and turn yourself in a object of value - she could be shit testing you in many ways and i believe flirting with other guys are shit tests BUT rejecting you when you almost did her ? that's not a shit test it's a rejection for some reason. live life and hooking up with other girls is probably less hassle and maybe you land into a better relationship - an ex is or was ex for a reason.

what do you demand from yourself and others ? Do you allow this open relationship and do you allow her behaviour ?
And probably you go like ; well i demand a normal relationship so i go to her and talk to her .... WRONG

1. you got not much value in this social alliance ( neutral word for relationship)otherwise she wouldn't be flirting with other guys , having a open relationship and avoiding you.
2. if you don't have value you don't have the leverage or value to make someone comply

talking her won't change it , you probably think im wrong , well maybe but a dog does not roll over if he expects a cookie - since i don't have cookies i can make him rollover by forcing him which would result in a misunderstanding and probably a (verbal) fight or i can leave it for what it is. Owning the dog doesn't mean he will rollover when you ask him to , and for a fact in a relationship and especially in a ''open - relationship '' you don't own anyone. Of course you can wait it out for 2 weeks and see where things go, if she's routing again you can decide to dump her.

don't be alpha for her .... that's the worst thing you can do and you probably encourage her behaviour - be alpha for yourself. What is alpha to you ? what is stepping up like a man for you ? For me personally i would cut her out of my life because i think i can get better girls/relationships , right now you get treated like you are some orbiter or something you either allow it or disallow it.

maybe im wrong but from you message i can read you are not needy you are just second guessing her motivations.
you and your ex get back together , it's not ''me and my girlfriend got back together'', she is still your ex - unless you have a normal healthy relationship she isn't your girlfriend.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

So I've had a gf for about 6-7 years now. We broke up for about 2 years in between (I got caught with evidence that I'd been cheating), and got back together for what I thought would be forever. We really mesh well and most of our problems have been long distance because of uni (we're from the same hometown)

She's in med school now (away from our home), and I decided to move to Europe for a year or 2 while she's doing her thing. We survived the first semester, and had a good christmas together at home, but she wanted to break up before she went back. She thinks we shouldnt force a long distance and leave things open for the future when she's done with med school. I wasn't down with this, I told her I dont want to be some guy she dumps when she wants to. she only has 2 years away from home, we just need to hang on a little longer, its a sacrifice for something that will be worth it. I understood where she was coming from, but I felt it was worth the cost of entry. I told her if we break up again, I'm done, I've never been one for on/of scenarios, hell I dont even like being friends with my exes. She changed her mind and we decided to keep going.

A few months later she told me she just couldnt handle the distance anymore. I didnt make a fuss, I just accepted this isnt something she wants and let her go. You can't force love I say.

She said she wants to stay in contact (the last time we broke up, I told her I dont think we should be friends. It was just for me, speaking with her when we're not together plucks at too many heart strings, I prefur a clean cut and to just move on). Because she's someone I've really liked I decided to make an exception and agree we should stay in contact, she isnt someone I think I can live without any contact.

But since then she's been making a big (bigger than when we were together doing distance) effort to stay in contact. Commenting all over my facebook, replying to my tweets, IMing me etc. To go back to what I said before, I dont like it, it just brings up memories of her, and makes my heart flutter that she's still thinking about me. I want to move on.

I'm a little bitter she decided to get rid of me, and its easier for me to just walk away and begin the rest of my life. At the same time, I dont want to burn bridges and tell her to just leave me alone.

So what do I do here? and why is she even making this effort? If she doesnt want to be with me, then what does she want?

_________________
Mr. Cool.

[quote="Lodewijkp]
Dating for a year but lol , do you date for a year or do you have a relationship with her ? [/quote] well our relationship began a bit unconventional, we first hooked up while both had a relationship already...but it wasnt until about two years later where we started to really hang out and became fuck buddies at first and realized that we should try out the couple part but i couldnt give a date when we bacame official.



[quote="Lodewijkp]Do realize if she find another guy who is exciting, i don't know if she's the cheating or easy type , but most people respond to value - once they perceived value they rationalize negative ideas and behaviours to something which is having less value or no value.Girls starting fake fights with their boyfriends just to feel good and rationalize reasons to break up.[/quote]
i do realize that she could not that she has, and although she cheated on her ex with me so its not like she wont cheat but she know any sign of infidelity and im out and same for me, i aint a saint. we have broken up twice before because of her and felt like she needed to see if im willing to let her go and i was and she came back. there is alot that i realize needs change not necessarily for her but for my benefit. i just uncounciously gave her the responsibility of making me happy, and that is not how it should be.

[quote="Lodewijkp]What makes someone AFC ? well ... that's subjective but i do believe it's afc to value someone more than you value yourself - that means surrendering your own motivations and will to life - it is supplicating. it's like being a small country which is getting annexed because it's believing it is nothing on its own. Because you perceive someone as value you tend to make yourself into a object of value - but what does this do to you ?[/quote] i dont feel i bacame afc but had afc behaviors, i realize now that i was putting more value on her than on myself, i see that i was on a path of self-deceiving destruction.


[quote="Lodewijkp]'' we are a generation of men raised by woman , i think getting other woman isn't the solution''.[/quote] this makes me wonder that due to being raised my my mom and not having a father figure while growing up maybe i never realized how much that influenced me. ive been told many a time that i seem to 'get' the womens perspective and understand them more than my peers. i look at it as a good thing though.


[quote="Lodewijkp]Do what you want to do in life .....
Why do you want to change for your girlfriend ? think how counterproductive it is when you do it ( result ) but also think what it results in when you don't do it - now come up with negative and positive results and motivations.[/quote] thats something im still working thorugh, i dont know what to do with my life and i feel like going into different directions and nothing that im 100% sure about. i dont necessarily want to change for my gf but i do subcum to her needs. what ive been trying to do is do certain behaviours to get certain results but it aint foolproof.

[quote="Lodewijkp]What kind of relationship do you want ? are you comfortable being PUA in a relationship and can you do it all the time ? if you can or do it's ok , but right now you already told us you have feelings so you probably don't feel like negging or anything like it you probably would be more comfortable with connecting and all that kind of stuff. What do you want from her ? do you want real love and acceptance or do you want to GET love and acceptance by changing yourself in a object as value or what she is considering value and giving up your own emotions and sense of reality ?[/quote] i want a honest and genuine relationship but yes i dont think ill be confortable being pua persona all the time, more of a natural pua. now just because i do have feelings doesnt mean i cannot neg, i do and in a very jokingly way. I want real love and acceptance without sacrificing myself, i do see that and believe that . ive been i with those girls who want to change you and ive never took the bait but then again i never truly cared what they thought, but now i find myself caring and wanting to change for her. but what if those changes make me a better person not necessarily what she wants me to be?

[quote="Lodewijkp]Just design your life to be more fun but only for you, run a jealousy plotline in the club , talk and interact with another woman and look how your GF would react , if she doesn't like you doing it you should revise your last conversation about what i've put in the quote - because now you got leverage to confront her with her own sabotaging beliefs.[/quote]
ive come to the realization that its exactly what i need to do and have been doing up til this point. but sometimes i feel that its a bit narcissistic and selfish or should i say to hell with it? now considering her sabotaging beliefs i want to make them bite her in the ass and with the famous words " so what you thought you could have your cake and eat it too, phsss!"


[quote="Lodewijkp]you can also tell her you don't want to change because you are who you are and if she can't accept it you are probably better off without her.....Let her value drop down not because you want to but because you chose for yourself and you value yourself this all gives you leverage and value and the more value you have in a relationship the more you can change.[/quote]

I needed to hear it from someone that could understand and yes sir you did. these changes are gonna be for my benefit and wether she agrees or accepts them isnt gonna matter. i got so wrapped up in consiously making an effort to show my affection towards her that i stopped doing what i did which is her perception of affection or not event that her attraction, what attracted her in the first place. i guess i deceived myself into believing that there is true love, maybe it was just my hopeless romantic in me or maybe there is true love and im just going about it the wrong way?

What if the girl i'm in a relationship says she goes out with a old friend ? like to the cinema,alone ? she told me they meet from time to time to do all sort of activities ,but they're just friends.once he asked her out on a long trip through the forest.later she told me it wasn't just her and him,but i doubt.after that she disqualifys him,telling me he's a idiot (if he would be,would they even go out lol ?) and talking about his ex gf's.
he sends her kisses on the internet and stuff,they even like to talk through e-mail and not IM because it's more "old fashioned"
i don't even know the guy,but they are neighbours so they can go out without me finding out.if she's cheating,there is NO WAY for me to find out.
i wanna trust her,but honestly i can't.only thing i think about doing is tell her that i will go out with girls as well,since there is no restriction.

hope you will understand)
I fucking need help, i'm in stress, got this ball in the stomach, you call this the guts feeling right? i'm in stress and really need your advice.
Just want to say first that i don't put woman at the top, i know i have things more important to do, but for now, i can't do nothing because of this guts feeling, i'm kinda paralyze.

So my story.

I was with this girl for two month, things went pretty well, until she go one week to budapest and kiss a man here. She said it to me. I broke up.
During the break, she was trying to get back to me. And because she is someone good (i don't want to judge someone only on one of her action, she did pretty cool things while we were together) i was ok to begin a new relation with here (there was other ONS during the break up so not because i was feeling alone). Some problem come from me, i'm a distant person, don't really show my emotion, and don't really speak about me (i speak about other topics)
And then problem occur. This girl can't lie, she said things to me like "she is still in love with her ex boyfriend" so i trust her when she said she only kiss the man in budapest.
But since we get back together i'have got this ball in the stomach, his intensity vary from time to time, but today it's very high. I'm not happy in the relation, and i don't know if it can get better or not. So don't know if i should dump her... and this last week has been pretty hard.

I know that all will be said here, will be pretty irrational, i'm in stress and I think i'm seeing things that are not true. (too much interprétation)

First i think she is losing interest in me. (but i also think that she think i am cheating or she feel i'm going to dump her). It's always her that ask to seeing me. 2-3 times a week. She still respond quickly to my texto (frequence : one/two per day) and often initiate it.
BUT
-Communication decreased badly. She will only speak about her "works", i try to go to deeper subject but don't work. She is often tired.
I need to said the event of the weeks for you to understand :

Monday : -She go to a party for the end of her exam. She ask me to come, but i have to go see a friends (a girl) first and i will certainly bring her. I can said she didn't like this by the tone of his voice and other things. But i didn't care, so i call her again while to know where the meeting is. She said to me that she will come to town with one of her friends. We met and all is going well.
(but some misunderstanding could lead her to think that i'm cheating with this girl)
This night i ask her about budapest, 'cause i need to be sure that she didn't sleep with the man in budapest (yeah insecure etc etc, but it was that or i will dump her). The discusion was short, she didn't want to speak, it was late and she was tired... fuck you, i'm upset...

Wednesday : I come to her home. I ask her to go out, tired... she wanted to watch tv... I wanted to leave but didn't.. yet. We go to sleep, and for the first time got the "sorry can't fuck i'm tired"...
Alright, first i'm insécure and need you to put this feeling down, and then this...
I can't bear it, and go away, she is sleeping, she didn't hear me go away.
She text me at 5 am to know where i am and another one at 8 am, she wanted me to said why i leave.
Explain to here, but the discussion didn't go far. And there was no arguing, we never fight since we are togethere.

Friday : She call me to know if i want to go to a party. I said ok. Go to her home, she is beautiful, first time she dress like this. She said things like "it's for you" "to reconquer you".
Didn't believe it, what pass in my mind was : "I know there is a man at this party that you like, so we are here, you are trying to go another man and then dumping me..." (i didn't say it)
We go the the party. I see who the guy is. A fucking alpha, got an interesting life, very sociable, and talky. I sympathise with him. But he is kinda the man to speak about stuff he don't know. So i argue a little with it (not too violent). (and my girlfrind always go in his way, always contradict me)
My girlfriend was always with me, is BL was toward me, she was rarely with him, so perhaps what i think before was false. But during the party, he said to us that he was going to get engage, and my girlfriends did a strange face (really strange, like she was embarasse). Fuck... but also lucky.
The party end.
The alpha invite me at one of his party in september (wtf) but also at one of his exposition (he make pictures)
Alpha : Come to my party in september
Girlfriend : If we are still together...
(red flag?)
I didn't care
Alpha : Even if, you can come

I don't really know if this guy interest my girlfriend, it piss me of. I'have got the feeling that she is searching another man.

Yeaterday I send her a texto where i said that i care about her (hate doing this bye texto, and first time i did) she didn't respond...
Today she call me, she said to me she go to the club with one of his friends (and his boyfriends) came back at 4 am, a little drunk.
Piss me too...
(but i don't show this)
(got sex after this, she wanted to try new stuff)

I know i don't have to be like that, and it's not me, i wasn't like this in the beginning of the relation.
Now i'm becomming needy, insécure, and it will certainly fuck all this...


Other things that can interest you :

-She said to me that she wants more attention (and not only for fucking) and nice thing.
-She said that i neither speak a lot about me (all my girlfriends said this to me) can it mean : show me that you care about me?

I think this is all, sorry for the long post, the ball in the stomach decrease while i was writing this


EDIT : So i call her last time, i knew it was needy, insecure, but fuck it, i need to make this ball in the stomach leave. She said me there was no problem in the relationship for her, that i search for too much for meaning. I believe her.
After the call the feeling in my stomach go away, fuck yeah, back to normal and no more affraid of loosing the relationship.

Lec

Im going to be little esotheric with this one , some people are very concious of other people. When you got this feeling and you can't explain it - it's not because of needyness - you are probably right. It's the feeling when you are right but you don't want to be right ( or maybe reverse ) , what i can say is even i had this feeling without any actual logic evidence because it's --subjective-- anyway. however it felt like i picked up something unconciously - like something was wrong.

From experience, i had this feeling 3 times in 3 relationships and i was right even tho i didn't had the objective evidence of something being wrong. When i get into a relationship and there is something present , a gut feeling without any thoughts of something being wrong - i withdraw from the relationship. My friends or people think i use knowledge to build a good relationship , actually i don't have to think about it i just ''look'' at my feeling without thinking too much - it's almost telepathy or a remote feeling. in relationships where i dumped the girl i didn't had this gut feelings as intense.

experience 1 : girlfriend had exams and didn't had much time, we only saw eachother about 1 time every week. i had a gut feeling she cheated - a thought like she didn't want to be with me... right now i realize i picked up unconciously some signals from her subcommunication however later i found out she did cheat.

experience 2 : had a girlfriend but it was more like a sexual relationship , visited her but she told me she had to go to work - probably unconciously picked up some signals in her subcommunication as well but labeled it as '' she being uncomfortable''. later i got a weird gut feeling ... like something was wrong... visited her a few days later out of the blue - surprised her and found out she slept with another guy she tried to save her reputation but i already knew and caught her on alot of her lies.

My last experience was with my last girlfriend , out of nothing i had a bad feeling... i got really tired and almost feel asleep without any reason , and i had thoughts popping up in my head about her. that saturday night i was going out and literally walked into her - she was with another dude - she looked uncomcfortable especially since i mensioned she didn't replied on my text messages that day. a day later she text messaged me '' it wasn't a date etc'' i ignored her but made the decision to resume the relationship because i got nothing to lose. 2 weeks later she sent me a text message saying she wants to break up - never saw her again ... spoke to her on the phone a few times and she tried to create fake fights but i literally owned her and she failed epicly. a week after she broke up with me she hooked up with the guy ( the one from that saturday night)

at all 3 cases i had a severe feeling in my gut which didn't decrease , it was like i knew like i was right , like im right and i know im right. Maybe you picked up certain signs from someones subcommunication and you unconciously rationalize it, this is my opninion. Trust your intuition , whatever other people tell you , she may say nothing is wrong but people who cheat or want to break up never tell you when something is wrong. You don't discard old shoes when you don't have new ones , everything that gives good emotions is embraced until something else is found which gives better emotions.

in my opinion the worst thing you can do is take someones word for granted, people lie to themselfs many times about alot of things - what makes you believe they are telling you the truth ?

being too closed is not really a good treat and you need to find balance , same for giving attention. Maybe a radical mindset but trust yourself and fuck everyone else.... you decide when things are ok and you decide when there is something wrong. You got some emotions and you backward rationanalize it and now you are trying to search for red flags, maybe you become a fault finder. Stop being a detective and trust yourself, alot of things you are putting here are so arbitrary and can mean alot of things
the only red flag so far....

i would dump her because i trust my intuition a full 100 % and i can't stand/hate a relationship which is making me needy as fuck.

take your distance and do things you like , don't think about her unless you are with her and invest with more attention and emotions when you're together.
invest less time - BUT - higher intensity

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

So, my girlfriend broke up with me.

I told her it's ok and its for the best and that I support her all the way. If I tell her that she gives up a great adventurous life with a lot of crazy stuff going on cus we form a great team; is this an insecurity/validation seeking way on my part? Or is it a secure way of telling her what she is going to miss in her life?

I also wonder how you cope with negative reactions, like;

you're an *ss
Sometimes I can't live with you

How do I react to this? Just ignore her and don't care? Or tell her I don't want her to speak to me like that and that i'm dissapointed that she is so immature and the one thing I always liked about her that she was a mature person

Another thing; How do I react to the question 'why?' in general when I'm not acting to ones expactations. For example;

Why won't you come sit next to me?
Why are you beeing a dick?
Why are you so quiet all the time?
Wow, what a loser ( I'd just laugh at these things)

How do you respond correctly to this? Do I explain everything? Or reply with; that's why/cus' that's how I feel. Also when I notice a girl is irritated, but doesn't tell me that, do I just ignore that too? Or when she is complaining, do I tell her life isn't that bad and just smile it away?

I think people find me too relaxed. I never care, everything is ok, I don't worry, no need to be negative about anything. It's annoying to people. And I don't get this. It isn't a bad thing?