That's the one email I meant. He should have sent that one, but since he didn't do that, he should send one now.

Sorry Kalel - I see we are on the same page - I assumed you meant it was something intentional by her, rather than the natural way of things.
You have to stop posting on here and start building up the attraction again with emails, and hopefully phone calls. Organise a SPAM webcam conversation if possible, seeing someone's face really turns things around.

Anyway post here for updates of course.

But basically, when someone goes away for a time, you keep in touch with email, sms, phone, SPAM watever. You should be like the loving long term boyfriend - just keeping in touch, having fun and flirty conversations, reminicing about what youv'e done together, telling each other stories about what's going on. Ideally it should be really hard to stop talking. Hour long conversations, huge 3 page emails, that sort of thing. Of course you have to gradually build up to it but if you just keep moving forward it should happen naturally.

Right now, holding back was the artificial thing to do, and it's made things wierd - but all you can do is act like nothing happened and move forward, be attractive, do what you should have been doing from the start.

Well to answer your question, with the LTR girl yeah we stayed together of course, but me not contacting her became one of those bad memories we tried to forget.

With the girl I only knew for a weekend, it ended up being one of those "warm up" things I mentioned in another thread - I warm up a girl, drop the ball, next AFC that comes along gets a free pass to her vag. But actually, in latest news, she went single on FB status again, after only a week - hahah. We'll see how that goes, I'll make contact this weekend probably.

That's the girl I just mentioned - well you're wrong - once you've attracted her, you don't have to put on such a show, now you move to the phase where you show her you guys have some special connection and can talk for hours without getting bored, and even every other day.

My mistake was that I already had a "phone each other nearly every day" rapport built up, and I broke it. Here's how it panned out. (Edit - looks like a bit of a field report but I tried to keep it down)

I met her at the markets during the day, chatted, took her on a little adventure, we had a LOT in common, got her number by suggesting a day 2 about her favorite video game at my house, she was up for that. Called that night to set the date and first I just let her talk all about her day, and we had a funny convo for a while, and then when it ran dry I suggested I'm free Saturday lunch time - and that's when she talked excitedly about a camping music festival that was on and she needed a lift. That was all the same day - wednesday. Next morning (thurs) I sent a funny text. Next day (fri), called in the evening to plan camping trip - we had to cut the call short but she txt me from someone elses phone at 12am to remind me that "Hey you didn't call me back lol" - called and had another long fun chat and planned our weekend. To cut a long story short - we camped, slept in my tent, in my sleeping bag, you know the rest - and the entire time I treated her like a boyfriend. There was a initial phase which I read correctly, and used a massage and then a hug to kick things off.

When I dropped her off on Sunday, I made the mistake of thinking I should pull back a bit - since I'd been showing a lot of IOI being like a boyfriend, and she said she had 2 busy weekends coming up - I should have realised she was just being honest about her plans - and I should have followed my urges to offered to meet during the week. Especially since I said "Well, I'm DEFINITELY seeing YOU again..." and she hugged me and said "Yeah definitely!" and kissed back. (Then she told me about her plans)

Well I ended up calling that friday, and started with txt to see if she was on her break from work and could take a call - her responses were horribly single sillabled and short. But when I called she was really happy, so my logical mind said everything was okay. But my gut knew I had probably stuffed up by not calling till Friday. First sign was she said "I'll text you when I'm free" and I thought THE HELL YOU WILL. and I called her on monday.

Same thing, started out with a txt to see if she was on her break, still short messages - but call sounded so happy and relieved to hear from me, since she'd be alone that night cause her house mate was out. Also made some further mistakes by being late and not txting that I was running late. Basically when I arrived she stood me up, and this other guy that she was catching up with, had obviously come over, from what I could make out on the phone. She cut the call and that was that. I tried to call back just in case but no response. I sent a text trying to explain sorry for nto calling, but I've been busy but it sounded like she made other plans and I'll call tomorrow. So I called the next day, still no answer, and no return calls or replies. Next week her FB relationship status changed to In A Relationship.

That's how it goes when you drop the ball, next AFC guy moves in. However, her relationship status changed yesterday to "Single" and some accompanying sad status updates. Hahah. I'll contact her this weekend and see what happens.

So the moral of that story is - follow your urges, don't make choices out of fear, and appreciate that after youv'e attracted them, it's time to move forward into comfort building and building a special connection.

If only i knew that 11 days ago.

The day before she left we had a d&m sitting on the ledge of a rooftop talking for hours and hours. she admitted she felt a connection to me she hadn't felt before.

I should have gone ahead with contact instead of trying to give her space and keep myself busy. I waited 5 days texted her once, then waited a few more days and texted again but she never replied so i left it at that.

But then I figured out recently that she doesn't have her phone with her. Yes - I'm an idiot. So I emailed her back yesterday with some photos of what i had been upto as well.

Conker, you've made some really good points there and its a shame there isn't more PUA stuff that helps you move beyond the initial phases of a relationship. Surely, the AFC who moved in must have been a former acquaintance for him to have snuck under so quickly?

It has been 6 days now and there have been no replies to my email either. There is no other way to contact her and she is by herself over there.

At what point does the line between 'legitimately concerned' and 'clingy' become crossed?

I have not had a girl I'm seeing go overseas by herself, so I have no experience with which to gauge normal behavior or relative comparison. Is it common for communication to break down over long periods when overseas? Except for the photo she sent me last week, we have not had any meaningful contact for 2 weeks.

Don't try too hard to excuse yourself away - eg. I been busy, forgot your phone isnt' working - maybe mention those things but only as a small part. When your message is all just excuses, the undertone is "oh shit I'm so sorry, here are all the reasons you should forgive me". Nup. Talk about you and her, again not in a "please forgive me for these reasons" way but more matter of factly - how you're wondering how she's going, something you can do together when she gets back, whatever - just keep the right tone.

Ideally you could send a few of these with no reply and when you've swayed her emotion, she might eventually get back to you and give some excuse about not being able to get to her email, and everything will be alright again.

They are like that - when you do finally work out the right thing to say to get out of their bad books, you know you're out of it when they try to tell you it was never a problem in the first place Eg. "I was just playing with you!" "Ah I just needed to vent, no big deal." That's how it goes!
Yep, every time! One of the sideline guys that still happens to be at the point where he's hanging around and hasn't given up hope yet.

I sent her an email without any excuses or negativity. Technically, I did nothing wrong, since she had no phone with her (and I did try to text her).

HOWEVER, in an unrelated issue. It's been over a week now, and there has been no contact from her at all. I'm beginning to feel concerned for her safety, but I'm not sure whether I'm just over reacting.

Does 8 days of zero contact (when the girl is alone in a foreign country), warrant a follow up message to see if she's ok? Or is this normal when the lady goes vacationing?

cagewalker,

You knew she would go on holiday, so you could have made some kind of arrangemend saying i'll email you every 4 or 5 days. She will be looking forward to it, because she is your GF so she misses you.

My GF was also on holiday now. She has beeing going for 8 weeks (damn long). The way i keep contact is mostly by email and texts. Somethimes i text her twice a day, then not for 4 days, be unpredicteble and yet caring.

Riqueza.

no it's not normal of course, I guess there's not much you can do but wait. The time for apology would be the very first message you send - because it's lik - so sorry I've been busy, I'm contacing you now the earliest I could. If you contact, and then she doesn't respond, and then you try to explain, it's too much like you're only regretting it because she's not responding, and she doesn't want that kind of power and she doesn't need to think that's what it takes.

When she does finally respond, mention then in your reply that you werestarting to get a bit worried about not hearing fromher so long. And leave it a that and start talking about other things.

Cheers for the judicious advice guys.

Just to clarify:

- i thought she had a phone, so I texted her in the first week. She did not. Thus, no contact for that week.

- at the end of the first week, she emailed me first. I then replied after a day. Neither of us were angry (to my knowledge) at this stage.

- she did not reply after 5 days, so I sent her a facebook message. Just a a short 'hey, I just realized you might not have a phone. everything good?' (not in such bland words.)

- Currently, we are on 12 days or something without hearing so much as a peep from her.

I'm beginning to think she's simply lost interest and its time to move on. No freeze-outs or anything will salvage this one.

What say you? Save the dignity and just move on?

cagewalker,

If you feel like she has no more attraction it's the best thing to move on. But it's important to let her agree on that so you break up in good terms.

Let me Quote David De Angelo on why woman break up.

One of the main reasons why I talk about and
teach the concept of ATTRACTION is that when it
comes to these types of situations, the REAL
underlying reason for them is usually that the
woman doesn't feel ATTRACTION anymore.

When it all boils down, she just plain does not
FEEL IT.

Now, a woman will say and do all kinds of
things OTHER than telling you that this is the
problem.

Women have all these ideas in their heads, like
"I can't tell him how I REALLY feel because I
don't want to hurt his feelings" and "I can't tell
him what's going on because I don't want to
emasculate him" and "It's just easier if I just go
away". - David De Angelo-

I do not know if that is the case. It sounds like it though.

In your case i would Email her something like: Hi, since we have no more contact I guess we're off?

If she agrees don't ask her why, just block all possible contact.

Riqueza.

What happens in RIO... girls will rationlize it like "if it happened in another country its not cheating". no contact to me tells me she not interestedin you at least SPAM, just playing devil advocate

Well don't stress yourself over her if that's what you mean. Just see what happens when she finally gets in contact with you.