Thanks Hobbit. I have heard that song before and I love it and it makes me angry and it also makes me feel like there are more fucked up relationships than mine. But I can also relate to it in a way and that scares me. I hadn't seen the video for this song and it made me cry. There is so much raw emotion in this and at times I know I want to leave him because it will save me but then I think about him smiling at me and kissing me and telling me I'm beautiful and I'm back under his spell. I don't know what to do. I am completely at a loss. Leaving him will be the hardest thing ever and I really don't know if I am strong enough to do it. Thanks for your support - it does help to know people out there care.

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....Thought you might like a girl's opinion....

Yeah well if one of you doesn't do something, he's going to do something really stupid.

He's been babied with a great gf and nice life for too long, now he's just had a touch of living with some sad sacks, and now he's becoming a little brat.

I doubt he knows what living a hard life is like. He's about to find out though. No friends, no gf, and who knows what else.

Did you show him the video of the man with no arms or legs and how he gives motivational talks about how happy he is and what he's done for himself? It was in my last post. I don't care if it sounds stupid. It brought round an anorexic girl I knew once, snapped her out of her little world of self pitty.

As a man, this guy needs a punch in the face. So many men would want you as a gf, and he's just being a brat.

I agree with your friends, he needs the ultimatum. He needs a fucking knuckleduster to the jaw is what he really needs, but you have to stop babying him or else things will just keep going this way.

What a fucking baby.

Was he sexually abused by his father and uncle as a child? Was he drugged and gang raped till he bled and left for dead in an alleyway? Maybe? I don't know. But that's the kind of thing some of my female friends have had to live through and are managing to live some kind of a normal life in spite of that, and have to go through each day trying not to commit suicide and dealing with the nightmares every night. (Yes every night apparently).

And this fucking baby is sad over what exactly? I missed that...

Thanks for your support Hobbit!! I think I am gaining the strength to do it... He is pushing me further and further away. I know about women who get beaten by their husbands but keep going back because they believe they love them. I have always thought this was stupid and these women needed to be stronger to leave the man who was hurting them. But I am pretty much doing what these women do. And I hate myself for it. I'm not stupid - I know that he is going to do it again each time he apologises and I am realising that even if his apologies aren't empty, they feel like they are to me because i know without a shadow of a doubt that he will use me as the punching bag again. I will get there... I need to be strong in this...
Hey Conker, I know where you're coming from. He has had a hard life - his father was abusive and agressive towards him, his sister and his mother. He believes he was the one to break his parent's marriage up so he has this amazing guilt which he can't get over. He abused drugs and comitted crimes and had psycho ex-girlfriends who abused him in his youth because he was so messed up. He pulled himself out of this and turned into an amazing person. Or so I thought. I know it is no excuse for him to be acting the way he is just because he had a fucked up childhood. Like you said, people have had much worse. I have been blessed with amazing parents who are still together after 30 years and a sister who is my best friend and adores me just as I adore her. He seems to be jealous about this sometimes and I'm not going to apologise for having a priveleged family life.
Thank you for that - I did show him and he thought it was amazing. But it doesn't seem to have gotten through to him and brought him around. I will try and show him some more of the same guy. Thank you so much for that.
Thank you for saying that. His friends are always telling me how much he loves me and how he has absolutely no desire to be with any other woman other than me but I am just starting to wonder does he only want to be with me because i put up with his shit? A lot of other women wouldn't put up with. I have been told I am too nice. Even he has said it and he keeps telling me not to let his moods affect me so much. I don't think he understands that everything he does affects me.
The main thing I am worried about if I give him the ultimatum is that he won't get help and he will tell me to just fuck off then if I don't want to be a part of his life. He will feel like I have abandoned him just like everyone else in his life has. He tells me I am the only person he can talk about this to and he thinks I am the only one who understands. There is so much pressure on me! He thinks his friends don't care about him and that when they were down and out, he helped them out and now they don't want anything to do with him. I have told him it's because his friends have their own shit going on and don't know how to help him.
That's horrible - I really feel for your friends. They must be incredibly strong women to still be surviving.
Like I mentioned above, he has this guilt that he ruined his parent's marriage. I have told him that his parents obviously weren't right for each other and if their relationship was strong enough they would have survived any of the shit he put them through. He is so ashamed of what he did to break them up he won't tell me. Him and his sister are not close at all and she has a baby who he wishes he could spend more time with but because they aren't close, he never sees his nephew. He feels like he should have done more with his life and is regretting everything in his past. I have told him that's in his past - he needs to focus on the future. And I am eight years younger than he is so he feels like I will leave him for someone "better" than him. He has told me he doesn't feel like he is good enough for me. Yet he keeps using me as a punching bag.

Anyway this is the general gist. Thank you guys for your support and for listening to me.

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....Thought you might like a girl's opinion....

I gotta chime in and say that from what I've read this guy doesn't deserve you, he's right. I don't know what it is you see in him but he strikes me as immature. When will he man up and handle his own shit and treat you right because you are a different person who never turned your back on him. I would give a lot for a girl like you amidst all the others who would walk away at the first glimpse of behavior like this. I've had heartbreak, adultery, abuse, death and everything else. You name it and it's happened to all of us. But do I project that on my girlfriend? No. Do I take it out on the people who love me? Definitely not. I man up and handle it myself and work my way out of it because to me life is way to short to hurt the people I care about.

Seems like you are giving him advice and telling him how a man should live his life. Why doesn't he man up and figure out his own problems and fulfill himself? Inadequate? Not one of your friends or family think that and there is no reason they gave that should make him think that. Sounds like weak inner game and some personal issues that are all inside his own head. He's making that up because no one thought that he was inadequate at all.

It doesn't seem like he's handling his life in any way. He doesn't strike me like he is acting like a man at all and he is taking you for granted.

I know you already know this but you should break up with him. Considered taking a break? I bet he thinks you would never leave him no matter what he does.

I'm not going to judge you or him but I don't see why you're still hanging around. Maybe there is a lot of good this guy brings to your life. You claim to love him and as a guy I have justified staying with sub-par girlfriends for that reason but this guy is treating you like a "punching bag." It isn't worth it in the end.

You know what he should be doing right now? Realizing that maybe some shit hurt him from the past but he has a good girlfriend that is putting up with the brunt of his immature shit and not leaving his side. He is taking for granted what a great girlfriend you probably are. If you were to actually leave that would be a big signal to him that he neglected you. Sometimes if you really love someone you have to do what is best for them even if it hurts both of you in the short term.

I was horrible to one of my girlfriends for the longest time but she kept coming back. It took until she was gone for me to realize what I lost and how much of an idiot I was for losing it. For a while there I felt like I could do no wrong, this girl was obsessed with me and no matter what I did she came back around. It was like I assumed she'd always be there and I could do anything. Then we reached a breaking point and she left, she wouldn't take me back and I learned the hard way. That was a big wake up call for me so maybe this dude needs a wake up call from you.

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Ahead of my time, like I live my whole life backwards.

I know that what I have written makes our relationship sound like it's all shit. But it's not. When we have good times, they are amazing and he is the only man for me. But when times are shit, they are terrible. But I still feel that I don't want him to feel like I am abandoning him because I want to help him become the amazing person he used to always be and this amazing part of him still shines through but it is more sporadic than it used to be. I don't want him to do anything stupid either because he feels like he is worthless. I don't want to leave him as soon as times get tough - I want to work through because he is the one I could see myself with forever. I just want to put the record straight that he has never hit me (and I doubt he ever would), he has never called me horrible names or told me that he hates me or anything like that. He just gets angry or sad. And then regrets it and apologises. I'm pretty sure that he still loves me. It's just hard to see it sometimes.
I agree with you. I think he truly believes I won't leave him and you know what? He might be right. He knows how much I love him and how much I am willing to do for him. He might be trying to see how far he can push meuntil I break but he isn't like that and he still shows me so much love which is what keeps me coming back again and again...

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....Thought you might like a girl's opinion....

I think I am and then I don't think I am. I am just so confused and so frustrated. I am already so emotionally invested in him and I don't want to lose him. My family adores him and I haven't been able to tell them about this because I am scared that they will hate him for hurting me and if everything works out I don't want them to hate me being with him. I desperately want things to work out with him. I know I can live without him I'm not that needy and obsessive and I know I will find another boyfriend but I really really don't want to. I only really want to be with him. I really really, want to be with him. But I don't want to keep feeling this shit. I have no appetite, I'm crying all the time and I just don't know how much longer I can do this but when I am with him and we are having a good time, I am so happy and I hold onto it because I don't know how long it will last. And this week, I have hardly been speaking to him and when he calls me I answer but I don't really feel like I have anything to say to him and it drives me crazy because we used to have extremely long conversations on the phone and never run out of things to say. I'm over it but I am not over him and I just don't know if I could get past it.

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....Thought you might like a girl's opinion....

Thank you so much Hobbit.

I know it would be easier to leave him now than when I am married to him. I don't want to resent him for the rest of my life.

I have wanted to move overseas for a long time and I wanted him to move with me. Now, I don't want him to move with me. I am thinking that this could be the end. I am planning on moving at the end of this year once I have finished everything up with my job.

I think being on the other side of the world will force me to be strong and because I will be in a new place discovering new things and new people, I think I will be ok.

I am extremely emotional right now and I absolutely hate it because it is making me look like a psycho in front of my friends and people in my work environment.

Thank you so much for all of your advice - I definitely have some thinking to do.

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....Thought you might like a girl's opinion....

Ok, so I spent yesterday with one of my good friends who left her boyfriend 3 weeks ago. They were in a 3 year relationship and he was abusive towards her (bashed the shit out of her a couple of times). When I was telling her about my boyfriend, she said that is exactly how her boyfriend was but then he took it further. He was calling her all day yesterday trying to get her to go back to him and telling her how much he loves her and everything. She was extremely strong and held her ground and I was so proud of her.

I then saw my boyfriend last night and I was going to have "the talk" with him, but then he was being the man I fell in love with. He was being sweet and attentive and it was all about me. I was telling him about my friend and her ex and he was saying what a loser that guy is to hurt her and now trying to get her back after she left him. I said to him I would never ever go back to a boyfriend if they physically abused me. To be more specific, I said "if you were to lay a hand on me, I would leave and never come back" and he seemed really shocked and said "I would never ever do that to you babe. Why are you even saying that?" He was being adorable - telling me how gorgeous I was and then we had the best sex I have ever had in my life and it was all about me. He did everything to please me. And then cuddled me to sleep which he knows I love and he doesn't usually do. And so now I am 100% back in love with him. And I'm confused because my friend told me "I'm glad you're happy right now, but I'll be there for you on about Wednesday when he is in a bad mood again"

ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!

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....Thought you might like a girl's opinion....

Well as someone coming from a very similar situation - he's still being a brat. I had an abusive father and my parents split as well, not comparing myself to him directly, but my first gf has a wonderful family, parents still together, and her sister is also her best friend too. And I would be "jealous" of that, and I would use it as an excuse to wallow in self pity.

I still stand by what I said.

The thing that changed for me is when she moved overseas and we couldn't even see each other as friends anymore. It's only after that I eventually realised I relied on her, and I did all those things - make stupid arguments with her, get into moods, etc. but after she moved, I couldn't do that anymore.

Anyway good luck with him. See how it goes.

You could maybe get him some self help books. Some of the old NLP related stuff is pretty good. Like "Frogs into princes" bye Bandler and Grinder or Coversations with Milton H Ericson bye Ericson

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Sticksies PUA Blog http://sticksiespuablog.com

Well a lot of suggestions have been given so I'll let that part be. I just want to tell you that you are a very good person on the inside. Even after coming to know that your boyfriend doesn't not feel he is good enough (which is a clear display of low value but a display of honesty as well) you are still with him. It shows that you love him in actuality.

P.s: I'll chip a suggestion in. Make him watch "She's out of my league". You never know, it might help

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Women are plenty, time is not.