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Hey Wackjack. Unbelievable comments. They've already helped my peace of mind so much. I was hoping you could give me some advice on my current relationship. I've been seeing this peruvian chick for about a month now and everything was rolling along fine until last time when I started acting like a nice guy. The problem is that, before we met, she had applied to a job teaching abroad in Spain for a month in July. Last time we were hanging out, she got an email saying she got the job. Now, I was happy for her, but then she was talking about how she was disappointed how this peruvian GUY (a professor) wasn't going to be on the trip with her. I just ignored her, smoked a cigarette and came back inside. When I did, she could see I was pissed and asked why. I told her I wasn't and that I was just thinking about taking a nice american girl on a month long trip with ME to Europe. She said do whatever you want, to which I said, I will. Then we just went on nicely like we usually do. However, I'm stressed because I feel like this Spain trip spells death for my relationship and I'm thinking I'll probably be going back to one night stands and shit. But I want to make this relationship work and use it as an opportunity to work on some inner game. What do you think Wackjack? All comments are greatly appreciated.
Just my two cents........
I cant really say much here without feeling like I am making assumptions becuase there just isnt much to go on here.
But just based on what I read :If she is going away for a month in July (a few months from now) becuase of a job that doesnt really say much to me at all. If this was a relationship I was in, I wouldnt worry at all. That's in the summer. You have lots of time to build your attraction level etc. What I mean is: You have from now until then to see where your relationship goes (1 month of dating is not very long, if you ask me). If your game is strong, by that time, she will likely be trying to cancel the trip or suggest that you come with or visit every weekend.
I dont really know much about this Peruvian guy she wanted to go with. He could be a threat or he could not be. They could be just friends, couldnt they? (At least, she might think so despite the fact that he could have other motives). Foriegners have a tough time adjusting to North America and often have friends of the same nationality to ease the pain of culture shock. If your dating someone for only a month and if she is hot, I dont think its very strange to have these guys that she thinks are friends hanging around. That (in and of itself) is just normal. If your game is strong, they will fade into the background eventually. It's not like she didnt tell you either about this guy so if she is not hiding it, maybe its no big deal.
If she hasnt invited you to visit often or encouraged you to come - that might be bit of a bad sign but its still too early (1 month in a relationship is nothing). In my exp., the quality girls take it slow. She needs to invite you in May or so. If she doesnt lament how much she will miss you etc. that might be a bad sign (but this is still down the road like in May or June, IMO).
If I understand correctly, (hate to act like an authority because I dont view myself that way) but I dont think you should have said that bit about the "American girl". After all, you have only been dating a month and that makes you look a little sensitive and needy. Instead, I would have acted indifferently. I can appreciate why you might have done it - to show that you were not always going to be available to her but these things are better employed with action and subtlety in my exp. (ex. freeze-out, subtle flirting with other girls etc.). Saying it explicitly in that context could be interpretated as weak if she realizes it was response to your jealousy of the Peruvian guy. In my exp., you never want her to know your jealous at all or affect by her. You'd rather her think : You dont care at all. This is just my opinion and what has worked for me
I could be wrong: This whole trip to Spain thing doesnt necessarily spell any red flags to me at all. After all, the trip is not until July and you have only been dating a month - the whole dissapointment she expressed about the Peruvian guy could have just been a shit-test. Who knows.
But again, you havent given me much here. Are there other reasons why your intuition might think this trip is a big deal?
This is just my two cents based on the way you describe it..
Btw, chances are a Peruvian women who is raised there I feel is more likely to be loyal (if what I have heard and been told is correct). However, they might expect a man to be more masculine/macho.
Anyways, more details would help. But if I understand correctly from what you have told me, I dont see any red flags there...
CHAT