Showing jealousy toward other guys comes off as AFC.

If you can portray that you can remain comfortable while she compliments other guys, you will come off as alpha.

The way I like to think of it is: "So what if she thinks other guys are hot?" First of all, you have to keep in mind that just because she's with you doesn't mean that every guy in the world suddenly becomes unattractive. When she compliments other guys in front of you, it could even possibly be a shit test. If you get jealous and start trying to disprove her, you're making yourself look AFC and you're putting yourself below him. Instead, you should acknowledge that she thinks other guys look good. If she brings it up, agree with her. "Yeah, he's hot. Jeez, you have such good taste!", etc, etc. It shows you have confidence, and confidence is alpha. If you can pull this off, you'll gain attraction points.

I agree, it seems like a border line shit test. Girls are always pointing out whos cute. Its nothing to worry about, and jealousy always looks bad on your part. Great pointers guys!

Hey all, normally a lurker but this thread reminded me of something that happened last week. My girlfriend & I were at walmart (This was on valentine's day actually) and we were walking when all of a sudden she said, "That guy was just checking me out, he was really hot too!".

When she calls other guys hot, sexy, etc., it really bugs me, but I know it's because I have deep-seeded insecurity issues. I also realize that I need to, and have recently decided, to try to improve, (shit, let's be honest) or ATTAIN some inner game.

I'll probably make a thread about that soon, but for now Just tell me:
Was this a shit-test? What purpose did she have in telling me this? And about it being either really bad or really good, I guess it would be really good because we have known each other and been dating on & off for 8ish years. We are so close.

So?

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This isn't just about picking up girls; it's about building a life!

Humans (whether male or female) will always find other humans of the opposite sex to be attractive. That's part of being human. Here's the reality: it doesn't matter how you FEEL...what matters is what you CHOOSE to DO with those feelings. Agreed? So, accept that your GF will always find other men attractive, just like you'll always find other women attractive.

So, if your GF thinks another guy is attractive and does nothing about it, you're fine. It only becomes something to deal with if she decides (and it IS a conscious decision) to do something about it. Where you set that boundary of what's OK and what's not is YOUR choice (I prefer to set it more liberal), and it's then HER responsibility to show respect for your relationship by honoring your boundary. Now, I think relationships should be fair, so you should honor her boundaries too. Fairness is quite important to me, so I personally would negotiate a common boundary...if it's good for the goose, it's good for the gander, and vice versa. Then you hold each other responsible for honoring your common boundary. If she isn't comfortable with you doing something, she shouldn't be doing it, and the same goes for you.

It's a self-correcting situation really...if she honors your boundary or your common boundary, then she's showing respect for your relationship and that she cares about you. Likewise, if you honor her boundaries or your common boundaries, then you are showing respect for your relationship and that you care about her. This is the way an LTR *should* work, but it doesn't always. If you don't care enough about each other to honor each other's boundaries or your common boundary, then you probably shouldn't be together.

Since I was married for 13 years and had both relationship successes and failures, this is probably a part of the forum where I can make some good contributions. I'm glad to be able to give something back here!

HTH!
Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.