So... You're going to pursue the tease with a boyfriend, when you could be dating her hot friend?

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Her friend doesn't attract me nearly as much. And she wouldnt be easy prey either, it turned out she's harder than I thought. So yeah, I'm gonna do that.

You should be seeing another woman while you're trying to seduce the woman with the boyfriend. After all, she is seeing someone else. And because of that she has a serious advantage over you.

The reality is, you are the forbidden excitement right now, and her boyfriend is the safe, comfort zone. She can dangle precariously between both realms. Right now, all you have is her. That's a shaky position...one where the man usually over invests due to lack of abundance, and gets blown off.

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Good point. I'm still on the lookout for new women of course, but unfortunately I live in a small town and options are limited.

She already found out I was texting with the friend of her friend. She mentioned it and I just gave a neutral reply.

As long as you are actively gaming other girls in the meantime then that's ok even if they reject you but don't stop perusing others.

Treat all the girls you game the same in terms of investment. Don't put extra investment into a particular girl, as it rarely pays off. Even if one is better than the other, it doesn't matter.

Guys, another question. What are some cues I should be looking for to see if she's just hungry for attention/playing with me/being friendly and doesn't see me in a sexual way?

Because if it ever comes to that, I just wanna stop with all flirting, texting and shit and just use her for music stuff. Don't wanna be her ego booster while I get accidentally attached.

This is how you deal with attention-seeking time wasters:

"It's Netflix and drinks night at my place, 9. You're welcome to join."

If she ignores that, or doesn't make a counter offer, ghost her. If she reaches out again, make another offer. If she does the same thing again, no longer reply to her texts.

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If she's responding to your flirting but doesn't want to meet, you're wasting your time. I am going to suggest that you refrain from suggesting what the activity will be until she's agreed to meeting. Get her to say "yes" to meeting and then make the suggestion of where and when.

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I'd like to add something more to my previous post.

Understand, OP, that when a woman doesn't agree to meet up the first couple of times, it's not "the end". That's why it's important to be as emotionally-centered as possible in early courtship. It keeps doors open.

Remember that pickup up is not "OMG I need to get laid tonight or this week, and if it doesn't happen with a girl it's done forever". Pickup is mostly about planting seeds for the future. Her relationship with her boyfriend may shift, and she may become more eager to meet up months down the road. I've had women come back at me a year alter after they wouldn't meet up. Some lose their shit completely, lol.

Plant those seeds. And you water the seeds by being an emotionally-centered, chill guy with options. You don't tell her "to respect you" in angry butthurt texts or send "oh well, I'l find someone else" texts or badger her to come out. That's not how a guy with options behaves.

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A year? You used to say a few months. You need to start making sense of these claims by talking about how you approach a girl that will reject your invite and wait a year to try again. You'll make claim that no one talks about their experiences and then you'll make a claim like this as if it's a regular thing but never talk about how you plant these seeds. There is absolutely no way that you are saying that these are your steps.

1. Approach and hardly say anything because you'll appear less dominant.
2. Text "Netflix and drinks at my house at 9:00. You're welcome to join."
3. Rejected
4. 365 days (give or take some days) of no contact and she comes back.

What seeds are you planting? If you can't explain that then the OP should discount any advice that you give. Be the coach that you claim to be fore once and give some detail.

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Of course I'm not gonna invite her for Netflix. As I already said, we play concerts together and will meet reguralrly for practice. I'm not gonna go all or nothing with her. Gonna keep flirting playfully and take it slow, no hurry.

What you're describing here is classic Nice Guy Syndrome, where you act like a pal for the princess in hopes one day she'll meet you one on one. You are headed to friend-zone by not making your sexual interest immediately clear.

A dominant male goes for what he wants. And if he's rejected, he moves on. If you're really attracted to a woman, you ask her to meet you. "waiting for the right time" is putting her on a pedestal, and passive. You grow a pair of fucking balls, and become congruent with your desires instead of hiding them at practice.

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Nope, I've said "a year", too.

Yep. But "hardly say anything" is an exaggeration.

That's only if you're following all of the avenues of improvement: weight training, low carb, emotionally-centered, focused on career goals, focused on great hobbies, less TV and video games, reading great literature and continuing to improve yourself as a man.


Most guys will try and "hang on" as a pal, and become activity partners or text buddies with women. These are known as "orbiters" and "guys in the friend zone". A dominant male has no time for this. He has time for women who meet him on dates/women who come home with him, and his career. It's also known as "acting like the prize", or being the prize, lol.

This is why being dominant works, and is major part of the "seed planting". A woman will have all these hanger-ons (pathetic loses who try to be her friend, hoping one day the princess will finally give in). But when she starts learning that she requires a dominant man, she'll remember how Jack or Arch went right for what they wanted, and then disappeared. It's mysterious, and attractive.

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Sounds like you dont know what you want OP. Previously you were asking about cues she's just being friendly or seeking attention so you can stop the flirting. You can either continue flirting and not take it seriously or push it. If you're flirting just to flirt, why care what her motives are? You're trying to play it safe, and sorry but dating/romance is not about playing it this way. Its either business or personal, and realistically you can't play in both worlds. If you want to find out whether you're wasting your time, that requires pushing it. And pushing it comes with risks. If you dont want the risks, continue without knowing if she's serious or not.

LOL. Nice move by putting me in with the dominant men, but still it's not answering the how.

I totally get the move on thing and agree with not hanging on and hoping she'll give in but the question I have is the seed planting that will have a woman coming back months to a year later after rejection. I've had a lot of experience with women throughout my adult life. I've had women come back into my life in many scenarios without me initiating any contact. However, I've never been ghosted by a woman after I've flirted and asked her out and then months to a year later she's reaching out to me. I can believe that it may happen from time to time but outside of you, no one claims this. Now that you've said it's seed planting, you owe us an explanation on what this seed is. I can't believe that it's dominance that would cause this because dominance is, by definition, being superior to all other options.

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