You are advocating no consequences for a woman who cheated on her husband while he was working hard to put food on the table.

Rewarding bad behaviour is classic AFC territory. I'd rather be a dumb real man than a super intelligent AFC.

Having boundaries is one thing. If she breached his trust then she'll have to earn it back. In reality, the effort lies upon him as he's the one who chooses to take a risk in allowing her to rebuild the trust.

I never liked the term consequence as it infers punishment. You can label that "AFC" or whatever you want, it makes no difference. Barring she's not a sociopath, she knows what she did was wrong and is likely contending with feelings of guilt for her behavior.

You aren't going to build a healthy relationship based upon fear, and using heavy handed or punishment tactics to rub a person's nose in what they did wrong will only create imbalance, fear, and instability in a relationship. This isn't a college age guy exploring his sexuality, this is not GAME, the same rules don't apply, actually.

You cannot build a relationship using most game techniques, that's why I've long since abandoned them as they are ego based and breed insecurity on both ends.

For a partner to cheat, there is almost always a need that isn't being met in the relationship. It is more effective to focus on that absent need so as to ensure this never happens again, rather than stay in the past by holding the person's actions over their head and punishing them.

So, you cheat to balance the books. What do you think that'll accomplish? "She'll think twice before she does that again!" I'm guessing is what you're thinking (and please correct me if I'm wrong). So then what? You have two people who've cheated...tit-for-tat. Is that going to somehow magically hit some reset button on the relationship, or does it introduce something more insidious into the relationship? Two wrongs don't make a right. I don't think this person cheated on him to hurt him, but for him to do the same to her only under the motivation to cause hurt for her - I think if anything that'd be grounds for her to leave him, and beyond all that will establish a festering breeding ground for further distrust, animosity, and abuse in the relationship. Not the foundation to a healthy relationship in my book. The reality is this can be used as a learning opportunity for them to become more present and authentic with each other, rather than going backward.

Ditch her.

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You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

A good girlfriend / wife is a submissive obedient one. If you set the dom/sub tone early in the relationship and imply you will walk away if she mistreats you, she will learn that you have self-respect and you don't let women dick you around. You are high value, because you don't need the woman to validate you as a man, so she will value her time with you far more than the guy who puts up with her bullshit, always takes her back when she cheats and doesn't have the balls to give her a good bollocking when she deserves it. Having a girl is just a bonus in your already awesome life. This is not emotional abuse. I treat my women well and spend money on gifts and holidays, compliment their looks and cooking etc but ONLY when they treat me right.

Girl cheats on you? Personally I calmly downgrade them to FWB or fuck buddy. You still get the sex without all the emotional relationship drama. And you're free to pursue other girls / threesomes etc. You need to be selfish to be successful in this game. As soon as you focus on just your woman's needs, you are losing the game because you sacrifice your own needs to serve your woman. Be supportive to your girl, but love is always conditional, no matter what anybody says. If your girl fucks 10x other guys, you cannot just continue to love her and carry on as if nothing happened.

Rewarding good behaviour is far more powerful than punishing bad behaviour. 90% rewarding 10% punishing is a good balance at first. When she respects your power, that 10% will get smaller and smaller until there is rarely ever a time when you need to punish her. But you always need the punishment there as a deterrent. It's not fear. It's simply calmly requiring her to respect you.

My girl flirted with a guy right in front of me recently. I was nice to the guy and befriended him. Then I took her to the side and told her I found it disrespectful that she openly flirted with him. Like a naughty child, she was testing my boundaries to see how much she could get away with. She was very ashamed and needless to say, it hasn't happened since. Girls like having boundaries, it gives them a sense of purpose and reminds them who's in charge. If you show you are prepared to pull the plug if she treats you badly, it reminds her how LUCKY she is to be in a relationship with a great guy. My girl is happiest when she is serving me and meeting my needs. Her needs as a submissive perfectly meet my needs as a dominant. This is the yin yang ideal balance of man and woman. She serves me and gets my affection in return, which is one of the main sources of her happiness.

Dump. If you want to stay together for your kid, accept the fact she will cheat on you and that's how it will be.

If there was something missing from your relationship, a good woman would have brought it to you before going elsewhere. Whether the guy is in the picture or not, she will cheat with someone else. Marriage and relationships have their ups and downs and if your fiance does this when something is missing you shouldn't be marrying her. There is always going to be guy out there who can provide something you can't. When you get older, it will be a younger guy. If you're a jerk, there will be a guy who makes her feel special. If you're a nice guy, there will be an asshole who turns her on. If you're balanced, there will be a guy at one end of the extreme that will turn her on. A good woman knows when she is attracted to someone but is committed to her relationship not to move further. Point is, there will always be something that you can't provide and that someone else will be better at. The guy at work isn't special. Do you think he's the ONE guy in the world who could get her to cheat on you? There will always be another guy who can get her.

She didn't get drunk one night and hook up with someone. She repeatedly maintained a relationship with another man while smiling in your face when things were "perfect." She didn't feel guilty and confess to you one day. She didn't feel guilty and stop things with the other guy. If it were any of these scenarios I could see hope. But she didn't. The only thing she regrets is that she was caught. So she will just not get caught next time.

The responsibility is on HER. SHE should have communicated with you if something was missing before going elsewhere.

Walk away. Take care of your kid. It is very likely this is not the first time she has cheated (no one gets caught the first time). Same way if you get a speeding ticket it's likely you speed regularly. She is not a good woman and ask yourself, what is stopping her from doing this again? Guilt? No..because she showed none before she was caught? Losing you? Well yes, but that only means she will hide better so you don't find out.

And to be honest and this isn't to be cold, just realistic. Get a paternity test. You may want to rationalize that this was the first and only time in 5 years that she has done something but most likely it's not.

I didn't walk away, because we are not only partners in bed, but best friends with a happy, healthy kid together. This spring my GF suffered from a serious depression, almost ending her life, but I saved her in the last second... not kidding! I stood on her side all the time until she recovered again and got happy as ever. She was on antidepressiva until last week. What she did a few months ago was bad. I'm trying to find answers for what she did. I guess it's a mix of a lot of things, although it's not an excuse and I guess she put herself in the risk of getting depressed again. I wrote her a 4 page printed letter summarising our relationship a few weeks ago. I find it the easiest, because it's just too many feelings involved for being rational in the moment. Basically I told her I love her and gave her one last chance. One more mistake and I will leave. No tolllerence!! Told her I had to be true to myself... I will leave her!!!

Whats the biggest problem for me is not that she had sex with another guy, but that she killed my confidence, making me question why I am with her. Because she is the best I can get? No!! Because I choose to..

Since I found out she cheated on me I decided to rebuild my confidence, so if we should end breaking up I could be as prepared as possible, both physical and mental. I'm working out 2-3 times a week, tanning, working on my game etc. And, it f***** works!!

Sunday I woke up in bed at with this beautiful, well trained girl. And I don't regret it for one simple second!! I knew this girl was going to work with me for the weekend at a big party and a immediately started rave about her. I put on my game and everything went as planned. There was a lot of other guys around, but they didn't stand a chance. We got naked, kissing, she jerked me off, etc. and slept together all night, but we didn't fuck. Told her it wasn't any good idea. Guess I really messed with her head. She added me at Facebook the next day. She knew I had a girlfriend.

It makes me smile inside. One more funny thing is that my girlfriend have told me she think this other girl is really pretty(we/they meet regularly). It's the first time I have cheated and wouldn't do it again. But, it made my life so much easier. It feels like our relationship is in balance again and now my girlfriend is going crazy about me, although I haven't told her something about what happened. And actually I won't, because as I wrote, we will meet regularly and it makes things complicated. The only reason i feel for telling my GF is to let her know I'm with her because I choose to, and not because she is the only option. But I wouldn't tell, for now....

Btw I'm not done with the guy my GF cheated with. He still sends my GF msg although I met up at his office and told him the rules. Sometime soon I'm going to his house, giving him a last chance, but this time probably bringing 2-3 friends of mine. I know he is not the problem, but it has to do with self-respect, putting myself in the position not willing to be messed around with. I'm not a violent person. Have never laid my hand on somebody and hopefully never will. Going to tell him in a way making him not sleep well at night and keeping distance of me.

Looking forward for Christmas having a lot of sex and not spending too much time thinking about this crap.

This is just all kinds of fucked up. I don't even know where to begin, every aspect of this fucked up scenario is... fucked up.

Good luck, I guess.

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You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

Why?

I've learned a lot from this shit. First of all becoming a better father and BF. It's all about finding out whats important in life. I've done some big mistakes and I find this much complicated than possible to explain at this forum. Dating girls is easy, staying in a long term relationship is far more complicated. Of course I could just dump her, but it wouldn't be painless either. I guess it would be hard to explain for my son when he gets older why I didn't gave his mum a second chance, never trying.

We don't stay together only because of our kid. But its a part of the puzzle. But whats most import is that me and my GF are BF and BFF, we agree about 99% of things in life and the more we spend time together doing fun things the closer we get and become more happy.

Whats the point of starting all over again, establishing a new long term relationship? For me it tends to that people who are breaking up, keeps doing that forever. Do they become more happy? Remember a LTR takes a lot of investment both physical and mental and it's simply not possible to leave the house and forget about it. Breaking up from a LTR is not easy for most people, especially if there is two persons emotionally bound.

People cheat because something is missing in the relationship. Love and sex is two different things I've learned. "Two wrongs don't make a right". True. I agree on that, in theory. But whats the actual purpose of this PUA-forum? I guess making guys happy, having better lifes, using real life technices, by practicing. What I did was not right, but what if that made me a better BF and father in the end? Actually, it made me feel better, happier, having less worries, knowing I am an attractive guy who don't need to be in this LTR, but do it because i choose to. I now relax, concentrating about whats good in life and my family. For me something was missing after I found out my GF was cheating on me. Tried to tell myself I was an handsome and attractive guy, but ut wasn't that easy. In the end I had nothing to prove that, except my GF who tried to tell me and regret what she did. Deep inside I know I'm a attractive guy, but doing what I did proved it. I would do whats necessary to have a great life, but unfortunately there is no template on how to live life. Dating a girl only takes a few hours. A LTR and having kids takes blood, sweat and tears. As long as you don't realise that, you are not ready for a LTR and it would sooner or later end with you breaking up. I'm giving my GF one last chance and at the same time I know it wouldn't be the worlds end if we split. I hate being lonely and I would possiblefind me a new date in not a too long time.

Whatever happens, there is no easy fix...

So did she change anything to avoid seeing this guy ? Or is she seeing him on a regular basis ?

If necessary she is willing to quit the job, but I don't find her job the problem here, although I don't find it totally unproblematic that she is working with this guy. They are not at the same office, but probably meet during lunch. Would be easier if they didn't meet, but it's not easy to find a job similar to what she got now, and she loves what she is doing, it makes her happy. Off course there will be feelings between them for a while at some level, but she regrets what she did and putting a lot of effort into our relationship. As I wrote before, I have given her one last chance. And I am going to stick to that.

I have done some serious changes in life and it seems to work. She is going crazy about me.. even more and more. Should have done it a long time ago... its not magic.

She still sees him during lunch? And your ok with this? I would cut loose of this ASAP, before it ends itself.

Are you a chick? I'm guessing you think all relationships should be 'equal' right? 50/50? No such thing dude.

A healthy relationship requires POLARITY. Polarity between the MASCULINE and FEMININE, the logical and emotional, the dominant and submissive. There is no 50/50. Just opposites attracting. (note: the man can be feminine and the woman can be masculine - which is becoming very common in todays society. It still works though because there is still polarity.)

The feminine is naturally submissive, and the masculine is naturally dominant. The feminine WANTS to submit to the dominant. The feminine may challenge the masculine but only to test the strength of his LEADERSHIP for her own security.

Even when you take a look at healthy homosexual relationships, there is always polarity. One partner is the more masculine/dominant and one is the more feminine/submissive in the relationship.
THIS. There will always be a guy who ISN'T YOU. OP You did NOTHING wrong - she just wanted somebody who ISN'T YOU.

It's never ceased to amaze me how good women are at completely fucking up and then putting the blame back on their partner. What's worse is that the guy then eats her bullshit and starts trying to change himself for her which in turn makes the problem even WORSE.

To the OP - You are WAY TOO GOOD FOR THIS. Don't think for a SECOND this was even SLIGHTLY your fault. FUCK THAT! You are the father of her child and you deserve so much better. You just need to have a little more respect for yourself.

Look at the situation - She crushes your heart by lying and being decieptful and now YOU are the one trying to correct your behaviour... fucked up.