Also just so I know. If we meet up, if it leads to sex, should I go through or should I kind of say "No" and keep her on her toes and wanting it from me while she's away. How do I play that aspect?

You could do this but fucking her super hard and almost angry (dont over do it...but really be a MAN) would really knock her socks off. Give her the best pleasure shes ever had with you, then wait. Itll drive her nuts.

Now going back to your original story. Honestly its not over imo if you dont want it to be. Yes life is hard and we are all sincerely sorry for your loss. This simple question may give you a new perspective on your situation, and your life in general.

What would your father want from you right now if he were still around?

Would he want you to be this 3rd rate version of yourself that you have become after he has passed? (beta, anger issues, loss of motivation ect.) Or would he want you to be the BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF where you are motivated, happy, giving, loving, energetic, magnetized, and faithful? I think we all know which one is the better option, but ultimately the choice is up to you.

My currently relationship is amazing right now because I chose to be the best version of myself. I dont really care what my girl thinks... it really doesnt matter. If she wants to be around me because I AM the best option for her, then she is very welcome. But ultimately im not in this to have her like me or be happy with me, she will be these things just by being around me because I am being my best self. This may seem like a huge cliche (and maybe it is) but im telling you it works... and im a better person and boyfriend because of it.

To conclude win this girl back by giving her CAREFREE TIMELESSNESS. Plan and do things that cost little to no money that are very meaningful to girls (ie flowers, pick nick, movie night, walk in the park, a love letter, small tokens from her favorite stores, be creative with this... you know her better than I do) Girls eat this shit up because it shows you can be vulnerable to, which is actually very attractive. If you ever need anything there are some good people on this site. There are good people in the world. Enjoy your life, and help others enjoy their's as well. Fell free to PM me anytime.

All the best,
Duke

neo87, why on earth would you say you're not a harsh critic of women? Are you on crack? Not once have I ever seen you advise a guy to stay with her girl and try to work it out. Every single time you advise guys to just break up and move on. Every. Single. Time. As the OP outlined, they were genuinely and madly in love... And for that reason, I find it worthwhile to at least give it another chance using a better version of himself. And if it doesn't work, at least he'll have learned some valuable things that he can apply to his next girlfriend. Moving on... Do what you would have done when you were at the beginning of the relationship. Were you asking her out? Was she asking you out? If you were to rewind to the beginning and you were asking her out, then it's fine for you to ask her out. But know this: if she turns you down for a reason you feel is invalid ("I'm too tired" or "I just did my nails"), then you are to ignore her next text. Why? Because when you don't get your way and when you feel disrespected, you send a message. Imagine turning down an invitation from Julius Caesar? I'm sure whoever had the audacity to do that would get his balls cut off. You're Caesar. Remember that. But don't cut off any balls.

As for the sex... As the previous poster suggested -- yes, absolutely. Fuck her brains out. Fuck her like it's your last time fucking her.

Betamax, telling a guy to move on is not being a harsh critic of women. This is moronic. Yes, when guys post "My gf cheated on me", "My GF went out with her ex" and "My gf hides her cell phone" I say dump and move on. Your overcomplication of situations just ruins guys lives. A girl cheats on you, dump her. You gf texts another guy nudes, dump her. Your gf chooses something silly over you, dump her. READ MY POSTS. I have never bashed women, in fact, I read many posts by guys claiming that ALL women or MOST women are trash and cheaters. Have I ever said anything like this. No. I have told guys they were being insecure about stuff and should change if necessary.

This "fix the problem" mentality in Pickup is what messes with most guys. Guys think that if they tweak everything, their style, opener, negs etc that they can make it work with ANY girl. Sure, your gf moving to another state for a year, I'd say stick with it. Your gf getting drunk at the bar continuously I'd say move on. And it's moronic to say I'm a "harsh critic" of women and shows that you like throwing words around. If I tell you to get rid of your Honda Civic that has engine problems, does this make me a harsh critic of Civics or cars? Have I in any posts said anything negative about women?

Truth is, some women are more headaches than they are worth and the quicker you leave them, the sooner you can find someone better suited for you.

Okay then, harsh critic of relationships? You're not much of a lover boy yourself and you are distrustful of women. Fact.

To use your analogy, you're constantly telling guys to change their cars when there are scratches on the paint from bad driving habits. It would be cheaper and easier to patch up the scratches and to teach the guy better driving habits than getting a whole new car. Try to fix it before you dump it.

Lol. There you go looking to have an explanation again and you're wrong. You assume I'm distrustful of women and some jerk because I tell guys to move on. In fact, this morning when I wrote my post, I had just met a first date from 12-3, f-closed and was waiting her to get home ok so stayed up. I care about girls who are worth something and give them a chance. These guys have girls cheating on them, flirting with other guys, yelling at them whenever they say something bothers them.

In the post "GF on holidays Trust issues" you said:
Then: My advice was she's shown she can be immature so move on. You called her a cunt, but then made excuses for her behavior.

I said: Sure enough, when the poster talked to her calmly, she told him he should die and nasty things and they broke up. Was my advice wrong for saying to dump from the beginning?

Honestly, pick and choose posts from me where I have said to dump and the guy was able to fix things.

And to end with my analogy, you can live your life thinking that everything your gf does is fixable and you're the cause behind it. If she fucks 10 guys you can say that you were bad in bed and her urges got the better of her. Then you can work on your sex game to keep a CHEATER. Why fight for someone who isn't fighting for you? Why would you want to be with someone who yells at you and from the OP's story, PREMEDITATED something that she KNEW would piss him off. Why should he wait for her to see him before she leaves when she doesnt want to see him? Because they were madly in love? Because she was nice at one point in time?

You want to have guys fix things with girls who aren't trying themselves. Well, at least it will make them tougher and more experienced like it's an RPG. I'd rather be the guy who CHOOSES the women I keep in my life and I have standards and boundaries for who I'm with. If she can premeditate something, and yell when I bring it up, dump me, and then give me a list of things I need to change while walking out the door, I ain't chasing. You'd rather be the guy who FIXES things and FIGHTS for every girl that is willing to be with you.

The biggest secret is that the better you can stick to your boundaries and walk away when she's just not right for you and crosses the line the easier it is to get other women. You dont need to read a bunch of relationship books to keep a girl who isn't treating you right. Women are attracted to men with standards.

I don't see any problem here. All girls have cunts.

Listen, you two are some of the most helpful guys in this forum. I say, move on from this little war of yours and devote 95% of your posting time to give your perspectives to the guys who need your objective and sound insights most. 5% of arguments every now and then is okay.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

Update.

Ok guys So the night before she left I let her know that I was free and she told me she wanted to meet up. I then told her that I have a hockey game at 9pm so she can come to the game and we can hang out after, she then replied telling me that she would just come meet me afterwards.

When we met up, I kept a positive vibe and was in good spirits. She kept giggling and looking at me and I asked what the matter was and she said, "this is awkward, why are you in such a happy mood, I mean it's nice, but I haven't seen this in a while". I told her that I have nothing to be upset about and that i'm just generally feeling in a good spirit. We went to grab some food where we talked about her trip etc.

At the beginning of the night she was reluctant and trying hard not to hold my hand, or be close to me ; however, later I tried some compliance tests etc. She then started getting back to her normal self such as holding my hand, putting her head on my shoulder, talking in a cute voice etc. After food we then went to the park , walked around, we sat on a bench and she sat on me, and we just looked at eachother for a bit and we started kissing etc.

After this I went home, and she went back to her house to finish packing and she called me ( i answered) because she just wanted me to keep her company while she finished up.

The next day she texted me when she landed at her destination. It took me a while to respond because I was busy and I replied " ok good you're safe, you're probably sleeping now, i'll talk to you later"

Shortly, after that I got a message from her saying " why did it take you so long to answer". Now I took Betamax's advice and tried to be aloof etc. So i responded " I don't know , I was probably doing something earlier, and I just got home from hockey" . She then responded many hours later with just "Nice" . I was expecting more than that from her and was quite shocked to just receive that kind of response.

The next day I did not hear anything from her. We have been using SPAM to communicate and I can see when she was last online, and she was on many times and did not message me or try to initiate contact. ( i didn't try and contact her either)

Eventually she finally sent me a picture of some dog to which I just replied "cute". The reason for this response was that I was given advice in this post by someone to not give her more than she gives me. She didn't respond to me and yet again I didn't hear from her for over a day even though she was online multiple times . ( I also did not try and initiate contact with her during this time).

24 hrs later she then sends me a message saying " Omg i'm so drunk and full I feel like i'm going to puke, not from the alcohol, there's so much food here" (she's at a wedding). I was out with my friends when she sent this message and it took me about 4 hrs to check my phone and read it. I responded with " Haha that's not good, we can be drunk together, i'm pretty drunk too"

Immediately, she responds " what is wrong with you, you've been online on SPAM so much and you haven't tried to talk to me. Nice to know you're there. I thought you were going to put effort in to this and show me you can be a good person, but now this has made me realize what kind of person you are"

I responded with "huh?" and then I said " I've been busy and I'm just letting you enjoy your trip and have a break, and I didn't think you wanted to hear from me because you told me i'm no longer your priority or important to you, which really hurt me "

She then responded, " I don't ever want to talk to you again"

I said " I'm not being rude or disrespectful towards you I don't think i deserve to be treated or talked to like that"

She didn't respond.

I waited until the next day and told her " hey, get in touch with me when you can, i tried calling you and it didn't go through"

It's almost been 2 days, and I haven't heard from her. I have no idea why she suddenly snapped? Did I do something wrong? Where do I proceed from here? In the mean time i'm not going to contact her, and i'm continuing to have fun, and I just posted some pics from partying this weekend with some girls and stuff. So we'll see if that catches her attention.

She's been online on SPAM a lot but doesn't get in touch with me still.

Any suggestions guys?

Hey man,

first, don't blindly follow every advice you'll get here. It's your girl, you know her best, the posters try to give the best advice possible, but in the end, she's still a person, and a person you know better then anyone else posting.

Second, if you are saying you are busy. You can't appear online on SPAM every hour, cause then you aren't busy, and she sees that. If you say you are busy, you must leave SPAM for what it is, and don't check it, only once. (If you are checking that she's been online, that makes your time chang and comes from insecurities).

I loved reading about your good spirit and that that got you back on tracks with her, it's good that that is the last thing she remebers of you, before she left. My gf was on a trip of 18 days just recently, and i think we texted about 9 days of that in total, so it's not really a big deal if you skip some days.

I think it's weird she reacts like this; she's definatly lost some attraction towards you. Arguments tend to do that. So, don't go blaming her for doing things wrong, that kills attraction.

Now, she might be expecting more from you, since you where the one who screwed up. Your inner game led to the demolishing of your relationship. I'm not really sure that being distant is the solution here, it's a relationship, not a game.

What i would do, is try to get a facebook conversation with her. Where you are calm, in good spirit and generally showing that you care for her and for your relationship. Don't say sorry for the things you've done, don't blame her for saying things she shouldn't (at this point, it's an attraction problem). If you don't blame her, it shows that you are strong, this will increase your attraction. Generally: no negative toughts, what so ever.

Were you legitimately busy? If so, then your answer needs to SOUND legitimate. Here, she perhaps didn't believe you and thought you were bullshitting. She took the time to text you once she landed (nice gesture from her end) so it's okay to either respond immediately or send a nice long text in return. "why did it take you so long to answer" isn't a question that's accusing you of anything so there's no need to be defensive or nonchalant. No one did anything wrong here... And it's okay to leave her space. If anything, the ball was in her court for sending you the text killer ("nice"). No need to send her a text killer. She broke the impasse and decided to text you first. You should be rewarding her for having texted you. It's true that you shouldn't be giving her more than she gives you, but there are several ways you can see her behaviour. Did she just send you a picture of a dog? Or did she break the uncomfortable silent period by re-initiating texting? If it's the former, then no she didn't give you much. If it's the latter, then it's worth a lot more than sending a reply saying "cute." Nothing you did wrong here. Well this is just her being dramatic. NOT the kind of behaviour you want to reward. This would have been an appropriate response. Return drama with nonchalance. Definitely not appropriate to say for two reasons: 1) when you play a game, never show your cards. Here you're basically telling her why you're taking such a long time to reply; and 2) never tell a girl you're hurt unless you're sure it'll draw some compassion (instead of anger as she did). I realize you're taking the advice I gave you in my first or second post, but you need to be sure you come off as 100% credible. The fact that you've been on SPAM tells her that you're not necessarily being truthful to her (as someone else pointed out). If the lines I give you to use don't sound credible or may not fit your frame, you need to tweak the words around to make sure it fits you. Otherwise she'll call your bluff. Also, "which really hurt me" was a bit too strong. It's okay to be hurt, but alpha men aren't "really hurt." Regardless of what you wrote, her answer was totally unacceptable. This is completely bad behaviour. You shouldn't have responded to this text -- at all. Suppose the conversation would have ended there... Who would have been the asshole in all of this? Her of course. Nothing for you to feel bad about. This is a good indication that she's looking to start fights and looking for a way out of the relationship. That's a fair response, but not replying may have been better. You shouldn't have re-initiated. The ball was already in her court. Good. Stay at it.