Agreed with zmbcm1.

I'd like to bring up this point. If the other person does not initiate contact, I take it that they are just not that interested.

This is one dimensional thinking (no offense given). It's like saying if a girl does not sleep with you after a few months, she must not really like you. Thing is, one action or lack thereoff, does not tell you anything. If everything else is good, and she just does not initiate contact, but she's there when you need her, she's cooking for you, not initiating contact can be seen as just an oddity.I'm all for red flags, but if the ONLY thing she doesn't do is initiate, how can you assume she doesn't care about you? This is neediness thinking where you assume she doesn't care about you, so you look for the one sign that this is true.

If the girl is seeing the OP, sleeping with him and available when he wants her SHE IS INTERESTED. If she is having the OP buy dinners and take her out all the time, and only talks about herself, yes, her not contacting would be an add'l sign that she doesnt care about him. But if everything else is normal and good, then she must be interested and care about him.
Lol. This is what the OP has done because she has not initiated contact. Is he fucked up in the head?? He was craving attention and cheated.

I remember years ago when i felt like the OP. Was dating a girl who would not initiate. I called her out one day saying she must not be interested and was ready to break up. She said that she just was not used to a relationship and would assume I'm busy and didn't want to bother me. I was like "If you cared you would check on me" She then reminded me of the proof that she cared. She had bought personal gifts with her limited money for me. She had taken care of my for an entire week while I was sick. She had chosen to see me many times over her friends. Thats when I realized I was being insecure. I was looking for a red flag, but missing all the things she was ACTUALLY doing. As I've grown up, I've learned to look at the whole picture in dating. One thing missing is reason to communicate and solve. Three or more are reasons to move on.
As Betamax said, it doesnt mean she doesnt love you. Hence freezing her out is not the answer. If she doesnt contact because she thinks youre busy, then freezing out will just make her think shes right that you're busy or if she's smart, she'll know that you're just not contacting her on purpose. An old adage in pickup is YOU DO NOT FREEZE OUT YOUR GIRLFRIEND.

And to reply to z's point:
Gotta disagree. This is like saying women do not like nice guys. My friends are nice guys and do not worry about cheating or girl leaving them for this. Nice to extreme, where it's needy yes she will leave. But most normal women don't choose a partner and want to feel like he could be gone tomorrow. And if someone is not cheating because they would feel bad at seeing you move on to someone better, that itself is messed up thinking on their part. An important part of a relationship is security. Knowing that the person you with is going to be there for you. Otherwise, you might as well just date where someone doesn't owe you anything and can disappear anytime by not picking up.

You can have a relationship, provide security and still be compelling enough to keep her. Problem with most guys is that they have nothing going for them (lifestyle, ambitions, sense of humor,good sex) and hence they compensate by playing games - freezing out, mentioning other girls want them and pretending to be a guy they arent.

Women want to feel special. Like you've chosen them and they're yours. No woman wants to feel expendable in a relationship and when they don't feel special, some will cheat (cheaters) and some will just lose feelings.

This is so wrong I don't know where to begin.
Following your advice got me dumped. Reforming to my ways, sleeping around, and forgetting about my exes got them all crawling back to me. You're thinking logically. Logic and emotions don't mix. You said you felt insecure because your gf wasn't initiating contact. First of all, you set up an unhealthy dynamic from the getgo by always being the one to initiate. It's hard to change these things once they're well established. Notice, she made YOU feel insecure, but you weren't the one cheating. You instead started (no offense), whining about it, and it lowered your value in her eyes. You were thinking about peacing, you wanted to leave, but mate, you weren't going anywhere. You just wanted to make her want you even more.

You know the godlike irony about what you said about nice guys?
When I act like an unapologetic douche with girls I'm in a relationship with (ignoring them, not spending enough time with them, putting them in their place when they disrespect me, etc), they first complain and whine, and when I stay unapologetic, THEY apologize to ME for whining. When niceness or w/e is ever brought up in a conversation, I flat out say that I'm a douche. They always jump in and say I'm a really sweet guy with a strong character.
When I WAS accommodating and apologetic, even when I was only apologetic when I was wrong, and trying to make them happy, they treated me like shit. Said I was controlling, douchy, etc etc etc. All horseshit.
Nice guys don't get laid, end of story. If you're good at attracting interest and you think you're a nice guy, then you're not a nice guy.
I remember reading Magikal's advice "never say sorry". At first I thought "bullshit". Then it dawned on me.. This guy is right. When I said sorry, even rightfully, I got stomped on, and when I told the girl to forget about getting an apology after she complained about something I did wrong, she came running after and apologizing.
You say most women don't choose a partner they think could be gone tomorrow. That's exactly who they choose. Men, and women. Why? Because everyone wants what they can't have. If you're anything like 99.999% of guys out there, and Taylor Swift asked you to be her BF, you'd be in her bag at the drop of a hat, even with the knowledge that this girl has no ability whatsoever to hold down a relationship. Likewise with almost any girl, knowing she could lose you will make her want you that much more. For a long stable relationship, she has to know that she WILL lose you IF she starts treating you poorly. This gives her a way of getting what she wants without being able to take you for granted. Letting people become comfortable in a relationship is a quick way to ruin.
And guess what. Every girl I dated was below my league. Socially, academically, financially, even in looks. It didn't stop shit from falling apart once they learned they could take me for granted. It doesn't matter if you're a rich guy with exciting hobbies and a great education and body. If you treat a girl the way she says she wants to be treated, she'll dump your ass.

Magic right?

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

First of all z, respect on not attacking or saying something rude as you state your opinion. This is a discussion of differences in experiences and perspectives when it comes to relationships while we wait for the OP to update.

Nice guys vs jerks. Sure, a complete apologetic beta nice guy will have a hard time finding and keeping a woman, and a unapologetic jerk will have it easier when it comes to attracting and keeping a relationship. But is the goal to get a hot girl to become and stay your gf, or to see whether you're compatible with a hot emotionally stable quality girl for something long term? I prefer the later. Many women are damaged and insecure and will love you being a jerk. I've gotten girls by being a jerk and their past has always been filled with abusive bfs and they were all emotionally unstable (did hard drugs at one point, bi polar etc). So while you may be a nice guy and get dumped, you can be a jerk and have a woman go crazy for you.

There are women you can beat, slap, rape and they'll stick to you. Many will be attractive. I personally like women who have self respect and maturity. The ones who I have to be a good man to be with and they know they have to be a good woman to keep me. Not the ones who want me because they like the chase.
I like the women who I know that if I act immature, they would leave me and if I walked into the bar with Megan Fox the next night, they would not care because they've realized I'm a tool and they have standards. Not the women who will dump me and then want me if I have 5 hotties on me.


If your ex's dumped you and wanted you back when you moved on what does this say? If you get back with them so what? They only wanted you back for superficial reasons such as jealously, so what happens when another guy with higher value comes along? I've always thought that a girl should want to be with me NOT because I can get other girls, she should want me because I'm compatible with her and for who I am.
Yes, but this doesn't mean that she should not have security in the relationship. You work at your job, but you know if you fuck up, you'll get fired. You have some measure of security that if you dont mess up you'll have a job. But if you're a great worker but you see signs that you could be fired anyday, you dont have security.

You have talked about 50/50 with contact (paraphrasing) so how is it that if she is the one thinking she can lose you this is healthy? It's one sided. As I've said, getting a girl to chase you in a relationship is a great thing but if the basis of the relationship is her fear of losing you, what's the point?

Let's say if Taylor S came along and I became her bf. Alot of guys would be afraid of losing her. They'd probably do anything to keep her. Is this healthy? To have someone trying to make a relationship work? To be so needy that I'd just try stay in a relationship with her because she's Taylor S? Is it healthy to have one person needy in a relationship?

Ignoring, gets results. Not apologizing ever, gets results. Some girls will have a weak frame and back down and start apologizing. It's actually easier to get women by being a complete jerk than a complete nice guy. But I dont like being with weak women and dont entertain relationships with them. I want to be able to apologize if I'm wrong and learn from my mistakes and the woman I am with should not see this as a "weakness." Her attraction and love for me should be based on more than that. If I get crippled tomorrow, she should still want to be with me even though my options have decreased. I should not have to ignore someone purposefully for them to know that I have standards. My lifestyle shows this. My ambition shows this. My values show this. I've told girls I'm sorry and never been dumped (knock on wood).Not to make THEM happy, but because if I fuck up I do not adhere to any rule and can say "my bad."

Update:
I woke up to three messages from her today.

Her: Oh my god scoot, blah blah blah
Her: Scoot????
Her: Are you alive?
*A few hours later*
Me: Last time I checked, yup.
Her: Lol blah blah blah
Her: Blah blah blah
Her: What are you doing?
Me: Just woke up.
Her: Come see me
Me: In _(place where she said she was this weekend)_?
Her: Well I'm going to be back later
Me: I actually have some plans tonight. Let's stick with tomorrow.

So anyway, tomorrow I think I'm gonna dig deep and tell her we should take a break. That shit is unacceptable to me. She can't blow me off for a week and then expect me to drop everything and go see her.

*Note to self*
Don't forget to pick up my shit from her place.

So you finally got what you wanted from her... And now you're going to drop her.

404 Logic Not Found

I agree

Dude are you a girl? This sounds like a stunt a women would pull. After that chase.

I'm not going to drop her...where'd you get that idea? The idea here is to retrieve my balls from her purse.

Suggesting a break, or breakup is dumb unless you're actually planning on it. Don't generate drama, it'll backfire.

Lol you cheated and she's the bad one. You have some balls. Let her know what her actions (not contacting you) are communicating to you. Give her room to contact you first but don't test her by disappearing. If you dont see her making the effort, walk away because youre not happy with her.

I'm not sure exactly what you mean...how am I supposed to do this? That's the whole reason why I would suggest "taking a break." I need to send a clear message that communication is very important to me. I am open to all suggestions...if there is a better way to send that message, please let me know.

What would you do if your girl left town for the weekend without telling you? I find that unacceptable in a committed relationship...especially after we had talked about it already once before. FTR: Yes, I know she told me, but that's only because I contacted her the night before she left.

I have not performed any disappearing act (I don't think). I stopped initiating contact. Finally, she contacts me and I answered. I haven't flaked on her. The only thing that I've done is stop initiating contact, and then I don't hear from her for a week.

There are 2 possibilities:
1. She really wanted to contact me, but something completely out of this world happened and it was impossible. I find this very unlikely.
2. She is losing interest.

In the case of the latter, a "break" seems like the best solution for me. It will either spark her interest again, or she'll agree that we aren't good together and we just break up. But if she's losing interest, we're going to break up anyway. If I'm the one that breaks up with her, at least I can keep high value and possibly transition to FWB later.

The other 4 things I can do:
-I can play AFC and act like nothing happened and keep texting her every day until I develop one-itis and she dumps me because I'm too needy.
-I can remain in the relationship and distance myself quietly. I would most certainly game other girls while doing this, which might lead to more cheating...yes, I know I cheated, and I don't feel too good about myself for that. But there's nothing I can do now except prevent it from happening again. I really don't trust myself to remain faithful in a relationship with no communication.
-I can verbally confront her about how I feel while trying to keep the relationship. Of course, I have no idea how to send that message without coming off as completely insecure.
-I can tell her about the other night. Basically, I would relinquish all control and let her decide what to do from there: very small possibility that she'd forgive and forget. We break up anyway, except if she really does care about me, I would have also broken her heart.

I do care about her. I do not want to salt the wound of a breakup by also saying that I cheated on her. If we're going to break up, then we're going to break up. She doesn't need to know about it.

Ok, so that's where I'm at...