I feel like if this happened a second time, it would be a much more permanent end. (Remember we pretty much already went through this exactly.) But you're also right that doing something drastic might possibly confirm her decision, so I will avoid that and just act calm

True you went through once before, but after the first time you never had her really chasing you. If you had then a second time wouldnt had happened.

Women in general loose interest slowly in men in phases unless you cheat on her. Usually they don't drop you like a rock in a month or 2s time and ask for space. Usually when women ask for space, her interest in you is probably hovering around 39 to 40% or so. She'll be around with you, but you're basically done like dinner so to speak. Sex and hugging are her means of coping her sexual needs until she finds a new stud. Then she'll be really gone! Notice that she isn't so affectionate and receptive to your kinky needs like the good old days.

When I go out with a girl, I put a scale of her affection towards me and her desire and receptiveness towards kinky sex like shower sex, BJs, creampies etc, which usually tells me she wants a part of me. You memorize this feeling and you EXPECT these feelings coming from her to not drift very much for years to come, noting age as we get older joints get stiffer and certain acts can get very restrictive if you know what I mean with reasons. Now, she can be cranky or moody, but she'll deliver sex like a porn star still. Even if she's sick she'll jump up and do the deeds. Even if you're sneezing and runny nose etc, she's still kisses you and sexing you. Remember this feeling, because as soon as these feeling start to subside however is when her interest in you start declining. The hugs isn't that affectionate or after sex, she doesn't cuddle on your chest affectionately like before. Or if you creampied in her, she doesn't let you get away too soon so both of you can appreciate the warmth together. When she starts loosing interest, her feelings toward you will drift and change. A man who can read this usually react swiftly by doing nothing. You give as much attention as she does to you. So it is this time you pull back and make yourself busy. Let her chill out and then she will chase you back. So sit back and relax! Then sample the feelings again when you guys get together and the sex will be back to full force and hugging and affections back to full tilt. Most likely stronger because she's afraid of loosing you even more. In successful LTRs, these feeling grow stronger year after year. Studies had proven it. No surprises here. Everything is cool.
Now, this is a man with lots of experience being dumped, mastered his ways and becums good with women.

Now comes the normal man. Unfortunately, a normal man misses this signal because the woman is still giving you everything you asked for. The man never bothers to check if she's giving you the same feelings like she did when she had HIGH INTEREST in you because he's thinking with his ego. His gut feeling should have kicked in by now to tell him to back off and let her get the space she wanted. That would not be October 2012, but rather somewhere near September 2011 or maybe earlier! You acted too late on this.

You did the right thing by NC, but what that did is bring her back only to act like a love zombie. She's no longer in it for you, but only in it for whatever pleasure you give be it a free dinner, free trips and sex until she finds a new stud. Perhaps you can rekindle the spark back, but that's only going to prolong your agony because the girl has no interest in you while you keep investing your inflated interest in her. When you get dumped, you will get hurt MORE than her.

The only way to bring her back is to have a time machine and dial somewhere in a month in 2011 and correct then. That's when NC is most effective.
Hope this helps?

I see. Well, from what I can tell, there was no super gradual decline, like you described. I would say that her attraction at September 2011 was equal to her attraction, say, at ~August/September 2012. It is only since then that there was the gradual decline, and eventual breakup. Perhaps I was just naturally keeping the balance right before because I felt secure and kept myself busy? In any case, I don't think the problem is years old. Since September at most is when I've fucked up

Anyway what's the best way to deal with things now? Is krular's advice correct?

Here's a little lesson for you. Women who likes you will never say I don't want to see you period, but she sets the pace in the relationship. They rarely argue with you unless it's something you said wrong, or you are setting your own pace in the relationship and it's getting uncomfortable for her. I found this out myself when dating a few women who are super really into me. I mean even I was so sick and contagious and offered to stay home, the woman who was into me sees me, hugs me and kisses me and offered to have sex just to help ease the pain. She was willing to risk herself so that she could be close to me!! I never knew what "Til death do us part" meant until then! Her interest level in you in 2012 should be HIGHER than in 2011. She'll be all over you still TODAY and more. Interest level is infinite, it goes up and up and up. This is something most people misunderstood. Look at LTRs of 30 to 40 years on some couples. Her bond to him is much greater than people with only 2 to 10 years together. Interest level is what kept her with him, but her level is much higher than when she first met him!

Interest level goes down gradually. You need to judge her by what feelings she's giving you. This is why so many men don't get it why I get the "I need space" talk when everything was going so well! Feelings is based on your gut and that's where it will tell you to back off and give her space. It should not even be verbal. The analogy is the same as if you stay in a room, it gets gradually hot in a room and you feel it. Wouldn't you walk out or turn on the air conditioner rather than what the thermometer tells you or worse there's a fire!?! BUT, some people acknowledge this yet his inflated ego said, I can tough it out because I'm a man. If it's truly a fire, then he'll crash and burn. But what about the other person in the same room? In a relationship, your job is to raise her interest level and keep it there. That's it. That other person in the room is your girlfriend. You push her interest level in her so high into space that any missteps you made can be recovered by a soft NC. NC is a dynamic process BASED on her pace and her needs (sexual or otherwise). It is NOT based on what you think she needs. If you're running with your own ego and say I can do no wrong and do what you like, your woman will start becoming more resentful of you and your senses will not be so acute. Also, women are child bearers, so they are programmed to stay with the nest until the offsprings are old enough to fend for themselves. Staying with you longer while resenting you is a normal woman trait until of course she can no longer tolerate it. Some women stay in marriages with kids like this even though the bond is no more! So you allowed her to build all that resentment in you and she needs a break. You had given her the ammo to do so. The I need space talk usually meant that. So yes, krular's advice is good, because what he's suggesting is that don't give her more ammo to next you!

To rebuild back the relationship, start from scratch like from date #1 and go from there. Don't let your emotion and your ego run the relationship. Gut feeling is always right and start listening to it. It's always there in 2011, but you may have found it contrary to what you thought was right. Now you have the answer.

The party went well. At the start, she wasn't paying much attention to me at all (didn't even come say hello, or hug when she arrived), so I just played it cool and focused on talking to other people and stuff. Eventually she started to sit with me more towards the end of the night, and was being slightly affectionate (randomly rubbing my back and such). And she even asked me a few times to come over to her house afterwards, so things are looking good. (I declined and said I didn't feel like it)

She also texted me a couple of times today, I replied to the first but then just left the second... not sure if I should bother replying to that and talking to her tonight or not. On the one hand, I want to reward her for being affectionate and paying more attention to me at the end of the night, but on the other hand, I want to keep busy and keep nexting her to increase attraction.

So yeah, not really sure how she's feeling SPAM but it's looking a bit better

The problem here is she doesn't want to be with you, but she doesn't know anyone worthy of taking your place. So she's enjoying the perks of the relationship with no regard for the responsibilities. Do you understand that?

She's gleaning what she likes and doesn't like about you. "I like lettuce, but I don't like tomatoes. I don't have to eat the onions too, do I? Oh, but I love cheese. Wait, I'm not getting this for free? Well, fuck it then. I don't want hamburger after all." I hope you like the analogy. I paid lots of money for someone brilliant to come up with that.

Don't attend the same functions. Date new people. Do the shit you've always wanted to do and haven't been able to. After all, she wants you two to be single and that's what single people do. Also, avoid reading her facebook or twitter unless decoding cryptic shit is a hobby you'd like to acquire.

Be exciting, be invigorated, and be gone. For now.

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

Well she hasn't outright said that she wants to be single... I mean, I don't pretend to know what's going on in her head, but her current perception of our relationship is that we're together. I couldn't just go and date other people, or stop going to events together (btw we pretty much have the exact same friends) without causing drama, and I think that's something to be avoided.

I think if I just continue to play it cool and message her less, and show less intimacy, things should slowly improve? As long as I keep that up

Also she is on her period right now and we aren't ones to do period sex. What do you guys think about randomly deciding to visit her one day after uni and getting her to do stuff for me? Will this be beneficial as it will leave her horny and wanting sex, or is it more important to not show this desire for her?

You should outright ask her if she wants to be single. If she says yes, go out and date someone else. If she says no, then hey, you've got her.

What's beneficial to you is if she says yes and finds out you're dating, she will likely change her mind and take you back.

You're not causing drama; she is. She's keeping you in this undefined category and monopolizing your attention however she likes.

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

Seems to me like you played the party and the weekend right. By the end of the night you had her chasing/coming to you and the next day her texting you first. I would say continue what you are doing, seems to begin to be working.

Also, there can be some truth in what the other guys on here are saying also. You can be afraid of the reality that she secretly wants to be single. And if it is you cant let her see that it bothers you if she does say this. It also might be a good idea to down face-to-dace, be confident, sure of yourself, look her straight in her eyes and ask her "Do you want to be single?" If she says yes, then you need to except that, and continue what you have been doing with the soft Next and letting her chase you, cause then she will realize she made a mistake and come running back.

No it's not looking better. She's self-pitying you. Why would you even go to a party. You're done like dinner, so the best way for you is to completely become Mr. Harry Houdini. Vanish completely from her and then wait for her call. No txt, no msgs, nada. Wait for her call. If she does not call, then you have your answer. If she does call, wait a few days and then call her. Treat her again like your first date and start from ground zero and built up the sexual tension.
However, you are building up from a damaged relationship because she remembers all the resentments you did prior and it will never be the same as before. Which is why I strongly suggest you go out and date other women with a cleaner slate.

Oh but you went to the party and she was there. Basically, she was there because she's already single and made herself known to other guys she's available and she's fishing. She's "projecting" this image to you, but as clueless as you are now, you didn't get the message. But perhaps she had a catch already, so she came by you just to stroke your "ego" and your "inflated interest in her" for self-pity. Oh it gets better as she made mention of coming to her place. If she's totally into you, you make that call not her. She's pitying you more and maybe she's really enjoying it. A man under her control is the ultimate goal women want to have over men. You simply handed her the keys.

Woman language.. Here's a tip for you bud. When a woman says let's be single again or what do you think about us dating other people, it simply mean that you're out.

You are making a lot of assumptions, I think. I went to the party because it was the 20th of one of our close mutual friends. If I didn't go, that'd look really unusual and like I was avoiding people. She wasn't projecting that she was single at all. She hardly spoke to anyone at the party and was on her phone for most of the night. Meanwhile I was talking to lots of people and basically showing her that I'm happy, confident and in a good place, despite her untalkativeness. That has to be what made her switch towards the end of the night and start talking more. "If she's totally into you, you make that call not her.", that makes no sense, if she's into me then she's going to try and get me to come over. Not the other way around. She did say let's be single, but that was over 2 months ago now. And since then (though also about 2 months ago), we talked about continuing the relationship, so why should I act as if we're single when we agreed to get back together?? Makes no sense

Let's make sense of what I said earlier which you were completely clueless of..

What I said was that, if she was into you again, she would have called you and then you set up the date to get her to come over to your place for dinner. When a woman is begging a man to let him take her back, the man has the upper control, so the man leads the relationship back again. It may make senses to a man, but it does not make sense to you?!? Now she's inviting you to her lair; basically means she's pitying you and she is the one taking the lead. You should have said with a big "NO" and counter offer with a manly response like "heh how about we go back to my place and we can make dinner together cause I've got some chicken, cheese, salad and nice bottle of wine?!? Wait for a response. If she says, no it's fine then you have your answer that she's really not into you anymore. If she said yes however, then voila you have your make up chance buddy! But heh, you're just begging for her to take you back any chance you get and just saying a NO to her with no counter offer just leaves a big question mark. You were too afraid to take this chance, but you think you only got one shot and you're playing it safe. You have to reverse the role (counter-offering) when you are trying to jumpstart a failed relationship, because your woman now thinks you're a girl! So you need to somehow morph her image of a the girly you to a manly you through your manly actions.

If a woman gives you a second chance, she's looking for a strong daddy figure, a rock or a big mountain and you need to build that image back again. You thought just because you got mileage on her you think you are the same man as she met in the first place. Nope, otherwise you wouldn't be in this situation.
Success in second chances are rare and it puts the girl now in full total power if this works out. The side effects of this is that you know that girl nags and she knows your weakness now. She will NEVER forget this. It's her ammo to push. 5 years down the road you strike an argument with her and she senses your weakness; she'll bring this up. 20 years down the road and 30 years down. It makes no difference. When she nags, you wish you have those earplugs on and it does not matter if you bought her a brand new Ferrari either.

Been there down that road..

Good luck with your girl.

How did it enp up w/ your girl? I'm about in this situation and would like some advice! Thanks

Things are about the same as before. Sometimes when I see her, she is talkative and shows affection and such. Other times I see her, she's very closed off and distant, and won't even initiate a hug or kiss when she sees me, and dismisses my initiations. We're probably seeing each other a few times a week, and having sex about once a week... but it's always me initiating it. The days I don't see her, I usually try to avoid starting convos online. However she usually does this (good sign, I guess), but then sometimes when I reply she just switches to being distant... I guess she is checking that I'll still give her attention. When we're around our friends, she's happy to refer to herself as my girlfriend.

I guess that I'm not nexting her enough, or punishing her for her bad behaviour. I would appreciate some advice on how I'm supposed to be acting around her, both online and when I see her in person.