glad to hear it!

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

never loan a friend or family money

either give it as a gift

or don't give it as all

trust me

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

good

fake it till you make it

incorporate these into your core beliefs

it's unnatural

but you can force change

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

I also had a girl EXACTLY like this! She would initiate sex talk all the time! We would be chilling and she would ramdomly say "let's fuck".

However it was exactly as you say. She had hang ups! Wouldn't let me go down on her at all! When I tried she freaked! I could hardly kiss her anywhere that wasn't above chest height lol!

She was bi sexual curious and loved it in the ass! Even tried to get me in without lube a few times and told me she wanted it to hurt!! WTF

I think Mack is right when he says that girls like this are more kinky than we will ever know.

She told me outright a few times that I would be scared off if she fully opened up!

There where underlying issues with that girl...

Goddamn. Wasn't expecting that. Thanks for the reply Mack and Gtdave.

This makes me think of something. I think this all has something to do with food.

But before I will start to explain what I mean, I guess you need to know that:

- Her father is a proffesional chef. They don't have the best relationship (father is very distant, my girl takes that personal (daddy issues))

- She herself is a Dietitian (so she knows a lot about food. I think her job and her relationship with her father are related in some freudian way)

- She can cook amazingly well but hates to cook

- She's a vegetarian

- She's obsessed with her body, how she looks, what other people think of her, thinks herself as ugly (while she's gorgeous with the most beautifull body I can imagine, not joking)

- She likes to hide her body (while she got huge breasts, she does not wear "slutty" clothes, never a cleavage or something sexual.

- When she's depressed, she starts eating A LOT, as some sort of food attack.

- Basically her whole family has something with food. I think her upbringing with this food "crazed" family somehow shaped her in het sexuality and overal self.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When we were about 3 or 4 months into our relationship, I really asked her a lot of questions about sex and how she experiences it. What makes her horny, what not, etc.

And she then stumbled upon the topic of food. She told me that, for example, when we would be done with dinner, or would start it, or during dinner,, that she would be pretty horny from time to time. What struck me the most was the way she kept mentioning how things taste inside her mouth. The way we would look at each other while eating, picking that piece of brocolli, bringing it to your mouth and looking at your partner (sexually?) while opening your mouth and eat it. Perhaps even feed each other lovingly and from there slowly start transitioning into sex.

That's the jist of what she told me that night. I was a bit confused. I said "So you like foodsex? Having sex while putting all kinds of food upon your body, slowly eating it, sharing food between mouths?" - She said no, nothing like that. "It's hard to explain... it's about the presence of food and how we deal with it. I dunno... " - she trailed off and gave up explaining.

I did not delve deeper, but I've always remembered it. It struck me as a bit odd somehow.

A few weeks later I was making whipped cream, stirring the liquid till it became creamy. She came to me, embracing me. I somehow thought back about what I just mentioned above, about the night she told me about sex and food, so I put some sugar with the whipped cream, put my finger in it and guided it toward her mouth. She licked my finger as if she was sucking my dick, and then we started "exchanging" the whipped cream between our mouths. It was very hot, such a strange sensation, never would've thought how awesome that sensation was. - Too bad nothing happened after that though.

------

Your story Mack, of your previous girlfriend. Was she also very reserved when she was with you? (unlike how she became after you two split of, kinda the opposite) - Because that reminds me of my GF.

I've never been in the presence with her where she drank alcahol or did drugs (aka, substances that would make one lose control).

I think she does that on purpose.

If she would become drunk with me, or do drugs with me, she would lose her control, lose her composure, and the truth, the secret sex fantasies might come out of her unwillingly. She probably things she would lose me when that truth comes out.

Do you think I'm on the right path here?

---

I'm not sure what her secret would be. Some things I've asked:

- I talked to her about if she thinks other girls are sexy. She said that she thought about it in the past, but that she's not bi or anything.

- She also loathes anal sex (such as she tells me). I bet she's thinking about all the germs and shit (lol).

- When I mentioned that my friend jokingly would like to have a foursome with him, his girlfriend and me and my girlfriend, she said that he was "a sick little man".

- I don't think she ever was abused, but I could ask (carefully)

- Perhaps she is into BDSM, but I dunno. It's hard to guess.

----

But she did say at some point that she likes to suck my dick because it feels as if she's in control. Just like when she is on top.

Intresting fact though, that as the months have passed by, she rarely goes on top anymore or sucks my dick (she's not very good at it, so I think that's what keeps holding her back as she probably knows I don't enjoy it as much) - aka, as if she's holding back on that control or if she's just not intrested of being in a "control" position with me.

I don't know. She's very intresting and hard to decypher.

----

I'm providing all this information because I'm actually very intrested if you would find the time to go very detailed in on this, like you said, you have experience with these kinds of girls. I feel like this is my chance to ask someone who actually knows about the type of girlfriend I have due to previous similar experience. Especially considering sex.

I will try to test the waters with her soon and will report back (could take a few weeks though).

Thanks again.

EDIT: Now that I think about it, when she's really horny she REALLY likes to have her nipples squeezed and pulled REALLY hard.

Pain is pleassure for her? Or am I now just looking for patterns, deluding myself?

Hey Mack so I'm posting again this time with a problem. I've been with my girl for 4 months now and she's 18 I'm 23 pretty big gap in age. Let's see we both work together so I don't know what i was thinking dating her I broke that rule. Relationship was great up until the whole thing with her moving away to school in the summer. She's losing interest I can tell and the spark just isn't there anymore. I can tell there isn't much sexual tension anymore and she's giving me one word answers in txts. I haven't been needy or anything but I'm just unhappy. It used to be fun talking to her now it isn't because she's not interested and as invested as she should be. Last week I took her out to a boxing match and everything was fine until I wanted to have sex after and she pushed me away. I'm always the one to initiate sex. I just ignored it at the time and moved to something else. Anyway I'm not getting my needs met basically we haven't had sex in 2 weeks and she's been distant. She's not as responsive and having as much fun.

So on Monday were hanging out to exchange gifts. I'm going to see how that goes and how she responds and everything. I'm going to push for sex it's been too long. If I don't get it then I'm going to tell her that My needs aren't getting met and that if she doesn't suck my dick then someone else will and that I'm sick of her bs and one word responses and bitchiness lately.

I was ready to stick it out until she left but maybe she doesn't want to anymore. Does this sound like a good idea I mean I don't want to chase her but I don't want to break up with her I just want her to shape the fuck up. Idk any other ideas I don't want to have an open relationship at this point since we've been monogamous for the whole time. I just feel like she's not treating me like the king i used to be so I feel like this is the right step to take.

what you are telling me actually sounds pretty normal.

food is an erotic thing for many (if not most) people, to be honest.

it sounds like food for her (or cooking too) just stimulates a part of her mind that means "closeness".

now, if she was requesting that you shove bananas up her ass, smack her upside the head with loaves of bread, and mix diet coke and mentos in her vagina, THEN i would agree that she probably had some weird, kinky food fetish.

until that happens, i'd say you've got nothing to worry about.

i think there is something else.

like i said, it doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing or a major thing, but her behavior is consistent with somebody who has a hangup (or "reservations") about something. which is usually due to previous life experiences.

you may be on to something with the "pleasure is pain" thing. explore that further with her. be calm, open, seem curious, and things will start to come into focus.

just dig with this girl. she is going to make you work to understand her.

you will either figure out what makes her tick or you will figure out that she is completely full of shit.

keep us posted.

and good luck.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

this is a simple case.

you need to move on.

why?

for a whole host of reasons.

the first one...she is 18...dude, even if you were brad pitt, she wouldn't be satisfied.

do you understand how inadequate and ridiculous the attention span of an 18 y/o is? this girl's a kid still. kid with a woman's body no doubt. but you will NEVER get monogamy or maturity from an 18 y/o girl.

second, you are unhappy with her. girls don't "shape up", as you hope she would. people stay the same.

you would be well-advised to move on, quickly, painlessly.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Hey Mack, some advice needed please.

I've been seeing this girl for about 10 months, we're both in our mid/late 20's (she's actually a bit older) and everything was going great. Until about 2 weeks when she said she wanted a chat, and she basically said how she didn't want any expectation on her, and didn't want to live together next year (she's moving into the city where i live and starting a new job in January), but she said she was still serious about the relationship. everything is still great afterwards tho

Fast forward 1 week, something happens that makes her suspicious. Basically she sees some marks on me and she thinks another girl has done them. It was actually self-scratching from eczema, but I didn't know that at the time. She got a bit suspicious/upset at the time, but I think we managed to smooth things. It didn't help that I couldn't explain the marks tho, but I assured how much she meant to be and that I had been with no one else.

Fast forward 5 days, we have a great Friday night out at dinner, we have a couple of drinks back at mine, everything's fine, then she see more marks on me and goes all cold+suspect again and the evening is effectively ruined despite my assurances which she says she believes.

Earlier that evening we were even talking about short plans - eg what to do NYE, and about how she was going to stay with me when she looked for a new place just for a few weeks, how much she would contribute to rent etc..

Come the next morning, she's up early packing all her clothes and other belongings. Her excuse is that she just has too much stuff in my room and that everything is ok. I shouldn't have bought her excuses really. She comes back that evening, we have a nice night together, she cooks dinner and we go for a drink, but the next morning she quickly packs the rest of her stuff when I'm downstairs, and on the way to the station says we can see each other again in about 7/8 months (!!) and can discuss how we feel. Her official reason to me is that she just wants to be alone when she makes her move/starts new job.

Obviously I was pretty shocked so sent an email the next night expressing I can't understand why it's come to this. Next morning response is fairly concise, just saying she's sorry but she needs to be on her own right now (BS?). That night tho, she rings in tears saying she misses me. I said everything seemed so great, she disagreed, I asked why, and she mentions the marks again. We then had a pretty intense phone call as we're both trying to say too much at once over about 10/15minutes but I made it clear that I can't hang around until the summer for her - we need to sort it out soon. She did say she would think about it. I followed up with a quick mail just to say I didn't mean to put so much pressure on her, and I'll give her space, but I don't want to be in limbo.

She hasn't replied directly to that email, but there's been other contact, just a couple of texts back and forth since then (6 days ago). she did try calling twice on saturday during her lunch break but i missed it and then she was busy with work later on.

Where do you think this is going? Currently line of thought is just to ring her tues night - that will have given her a week to think about what she wants, and I won't put too much pressure on her. I really don't know where her heads at...if she genuinely wants to be alone, if it's cos of the marks, if she's just after some drama...

any advice appreciated - cheers

wow.

what the fuck.

so, um...

let me see if i can summarize your situation,

then you tell me if i've basically got it.

- been with this girl for ten months
- things have been great
- soon she is moving into the city (even closer to you than now)
- she tells you that she "does not want any expectations on her"
- you say "ok"
- she sees scratches on you and immediately thinks another girl did it (twice)
- she freaks out, basically secretly packs her shit
- then announced no contact for 7 or 8 months?
- now says it's because "she wants to be alone"
- she is waffling between cutting you off and repeatedly contacting you
- she is waffling between believing you and not believing you (about the scratches)

is this pretty much the jist of the situation?

ok, i've got to ask some questions because this situation is totally fucked up.

first, has she ever acted irrational like this in the past? if so, about what?

second, if you have dry skin/eczema, why has she never seen a scratch on you before? why this time does she go insane?

third, (between you and I), are you fucking around / gaming any other girls?

fourth, a series of questions:

- has she changed the way her hair looks recently?
- has she changed the way her clothes look / her wardrobe?
- any new perfume?
- new schedule?
- has she been less available in recent history? timewise? emotionally?
- new phone? keeping her phone off? hidden? tucked away?
- any new activities? tae bo class? painting?

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Hey Mack - thanks for the quick response, yeah it's a **** situation, no idea what's going on really

You've summarized the situation very well, except I think she still wants some contact. She mentioned at both the time we are splitting up, and in the email she sent 2 days later, that she wanted to see me in the summer. And in a text on the day we broke up, she said she still wants to stay in touch. Further text contact has really just been a gd night text from her, a happy xmas text from her, and a miss you text from me (which she did reply to, tho about 12 hours later)

Other thing I should have mentioned - midweek between the 2 scratching episodes, she tried to call midweek. I'd already phoned her about 8pm, but she tried to call/txt at about 10 pm, but something was up with my phone and I didn't receive them until I turned my phone off/on again the next morning, and of course I replied straight away. She brought this up on the friday night and she accused me of being somewhere and of turning my phone off.

The ONLY other time that resembled this was back in september, was once after a night out we were saying goodbye to her female friend, and her friend joked that she'd give me a call sometime soon, and I joked back that I'm free on saturday afternoons (as that's when my gf would be working). after that she went a bit skitz. started crying, saying that she I thought I loved her etc. this went on for about 15 minutes despite my best efforts to assure her how much she meant to me.

Recent cold weather probably explains the flare up in eczema. Even at the time she admitted that i prolly have eczema, as it's linked to asthma/hayfever which I have mild versions of.

In terms of contact with other girls, absolutely nothing.

In terms of 4th set of questions - No to all of them.

I don't know why she is so paranoid. Out of both of us I thought I was the lucky one, and the one who was getting more paranoid/jealous, but i kept it to myself. and over the last few months I have it clear how much she means to me.

another thing as well, is that originally I didn't want a gf who lived so far out of town, and she did know that. but as her plan was always to move to my city after about a year, it was a sacrifice I was happy to make. For her to suddenly decide that she wants to be alone just doesn't seem right, or fair

tell me if I'm reading into things too much, but she's also playing games on facebook. about 5 weeks ago we had a great day out in town, and I took a photo of some of the decorations in town and emailed it to her that day. she decided a good day to upload that photo to fb would be 3 days after we split up. she also removed my access from a load of her photos after a couple of days. I then noticed I was able to see them all again a couple of days later. Checked again this morning - can see hardly anything now. she's changed her main profile pic to one I'm no longer in, but didn't remove it yet, seems fair enough tho. wished happy xmas on my housemates wall as well, despite only meeting her a few times for a short period each time, knowing of course I will see it....

update, she just txt'd asking if I can call her tomorrow,so that solves one of my problems at least

force,

what does your gut instinct tell you about the situation?

in my opinion, there are one of two things going on here...

the first option: she is incredibly insecure and is attempting to change the balance of power in the relationship.

the second option: she is up to no good (as in, fucking around or considering it)

i am tending toward the first option, as you have no real reason/evidence to believe that she is creeping and also her behaviors don't indicate it, yet.

so, let's say that she is just incredibly insecure. worried. paranoid. anxious. it still doesn't make much sense for her to immediately do the things that she is doing. it almost borders on emotionally unstable. i don't mean crazy. which she may be, i don't know her. but she definitely sounds unstable.

besides what is going on, tell me about this girl.

is she emotionally stable? in other situations, is she easily upset? angered? suspicious? overreactive? dramatic? etc? what i am getting at: is this response from her a typical one? to overreact and go a little crazy? or have you NEVER seen this side from her? as in, it's a new thing... (lot of questions, lol)

also, i would say that she is shit testing you.

and you've failed it quite miserably.

if you are mr. honorable as you have said, and you have done nothing wrong, nor given her no reason to doubt you, and she just lost her fucking mind...in no way should you have tolerated it beyond initially and strongly correcting her...and then freezing her out.

the appropriate response would have been:

i have always been honest. i will always be honest with you. i have done nothing wrong. you have no reason to doubt me. i've given you no reason to doubt me. i'm hurt and offended that you would accuse me of cheating on you. and now you are saying we are taking a break for more than half a year? i'll tell you what, let's take a permanent break until you can genuinely apologize to me for the accusations and subsequent games. good luck to you, take care"

and then no contact.

but what you have done, is reinforce her behavior as acceptable by even engaging her after what she has done and said. think about it. you have done nothing wrong, and out of the blue, she has accused you of infidelity (twice), went contact/no contact with you repeatedly, "basically" broke up with you by saying "no contact for 7/8 months", then ramped up the head games with texts leading you in opposite directions...

any sane person would be pretty fucking pissed off after being treated that way.

it actually isn't right how she has treated you, but by engaging with her in her games (her frame), you have reinforced that her tactics are legitimate and acceptable.

if what she is seeking to do is change the balance of power in the relationship (for whatever her reasons are: insecurity, or whatever), you have allowed her to do that.

ask yourself this: who is in control right now?

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

ps - quit creeping on her facebook, lol

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

some interesting points, thx

gut feeling = she's acted irrational and hasn't thought things through, and will hopefully have 2nd thoughts. I really don't know tho.

a little about the girl. it wouldn't be too unfair if I said the following described her: self-centered, stubborn, a little selfish. she's quick to blame others, and she's quick to have a go at you for something which is of minor consequence

not just towards me, but towards friends and her mum too. she's had 2 falling outs this year with employers too. if things don't go her way she's quick to have a little tantrum. I'm a fairly mellow guy and let her get away with far more than I should have done, but I put my foot down when it mattered.

I've never really had her down as suspicious or jealous tho. just very controlling. Only other incident which comes to mind was when she blocked me from meeting the HR girl at work for a quick drink after work to discuss work circumstances (it's a chilled out company, it's that kind of culture, she knows that), as she said it was inappropriate. this was a few months ago.

understand I could have handled things differently, too late for that now. we'll be talking on the phone tomorrow so at least I will get a better idea of where we stand then