I've come to learn that it doesn't really matter what reason she gives you. I'm sure she was saying half the stuff to spare my feelings. A break up is the result of either one or both people not being satisfied, that's it. Be happy it happened, improve on any areas you think you're lacking and move on.

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"The strong did what they could and the weak suffered what they must." - Thucydides

Breakups often come about as a result of a 'lack of connection'. Beneath this is a lack of needs being met, often times it is unmet needs for safety (trust, security, etc). A woman in a romantic relationship won't want to 'share' herself with her man based on this. As David Deida wrote, a woman will only feel safe in exploring her feminine when she feels the safe and secure in the presence of a man.

It's tough to say where your partner was at during this breakup moment.

The therapist in me is wondering what "romantic connection" is to her. Is it that 'light-on-your-feet / butter flies in stomach whenever I see you' feeling? Do the two of you have different love languages and she's not able to receive yours (e.g., is about thoughtful gifts for her, and for you verbal expressions of affection)? Do you not meet her attachment needs? ... ... ... Often times people want 'out' because they see it as the only way to end the suffering. A loss of "romantic connection" can be an opportunity to be inquisitive and hear beyond what the person is saying and instead hear the need beneath what's said.

I am curious about your statement: "improve on any areas you think you're lacking..."?
Is there anything you did wrong, OR was this just a poor match to begin with (sure you can find 'wrong' in this too as a matter of how you qualified this person).

You can sit and ruminate on this, which I don't think will serve you well moving forward.

What about the things you did RIGHT?

Relationships are dynamic, the worst thing you can do is form an identity out of them (codependency). Eckhart Tolle had it right when he said that relationships are the best way of becoming more present in one's life.

Relationships can PULL a lot of things buried deep in the unconscious to the surface. They tend to draw-out the best and worst in us. You can use them to become more 'asleep'/unconscious in your life, or to bring you to consciousness, or 'presence'.

n2thevoid, your post is quite informative, and you are right, I, like most people, tend to pay attention to the negative/wrong things I did. I also think we might have a different 'love language' as you put it. Maybe.

The interesting thing is, about a month into the relationship, she mentioned how I was the only boyfriend she didn't feel a real connection to and was puzzled by it. She had "felt differently with all her other boyfriends in the past". This was mentioned lightly as a passing thought after sex and I kinda just forgot about it and thought time would sort that out. I think this 'lack of connection' could have been two things:

1) When she told me this, my injury didn't allow me to have full sex at the time, but we could still enjoy foreplay. While I'm amazing at head (best she's ever had), fingering, etc, I suspect she wasn't fully satisfied so maybe her 'love language', or her 'connection' with her boyfriends, was regular orgasms.
or
2) When I was with her, I was pretending I was doing all these cool things and had this cool lifestlyle, when in reality I was just at home all day, watching tv shows and playing video games till 4am. I was putting on an act with her, especially at the start. I was never fully relaxed/fully myself with her. As time went on, I relaxed little by little, and the lazy, not-striving-for-his-goals beta male came out and she didn't like what she was seeing.

At the start, I had all these routines memorized, I made her laugh, gave her the emotions she wanted, let her have fun. She. Loved. Me. A lot. I was an awesome date. After our 2nd date, she was chasing me. After that, she liked me so much so that I got her into a relationship she wasn't really looking for and she broke it off with whoever else she was seeing. When I asked her to be my girlfriend, she was so happy and she said yes instantly and afterwards told me 'You know, it's funny, I wasn't looking to be in a relationship." I had gamed her so fucking well, I got all of this. BUT, it wasn't fully me. I had fun, sure, I enjoyed the validation, sure, I enjoyed having a girlfriend again, sure, but it wasn't fully me. It was me putting on a front, and maybe that lack of 'romantic connection' was a lack of full trust because she subconsciously sensed something. (Probable thoughts in her head: "This guy isn't himself today." "He seems needier than usual." "Why isn't he that fun today?")

An example of the real me: ['Maxii....What the fuck?' (An actual text reply I got from her a few days before we broke up. I was supposed to meet her parents for dinner on her birthday. Midday she tells me they're taking her somewhere for a surprise and doesn't think dinner will happen. Evening comes and she tells me they went shopping and 'ended up' at the the dinner place anyway without me.
Me: 'If you didnt want me there you can just say so'
Her: 'Maxii....What the fuck? Honestly, IF I didn't want you there I would've told you. I'm sorry I've been flaky on responding but I haven't seen my parents together since Christmas so I'm not really on my phone that much?'
Whether her parents/she didn't want me there, or they just forgot about me because they don't see each other much, I think I could have handled that situation better and that I need to sort out some inner, possible abandonment, issues.]

Why would she have stayed with this ungrounded, insecure dude who stayed at home all day doing nothing productive? Now, 2 months since the breakup, I'm fitter than I've been in about 4 years and I'm slowly working towards my career/life goals. I'm doing this to get girls, sure, but mostly I'm doing it for me. (Or at least I should be). If I had moved on thinking 'Ah, it was only just a bad match', I would have continued in my unproductive ways and my insecurities would damage my future relationships. There's nothing wrong with tv shows and video games, they're awesome, but I'm wasn't reaching/striving for my potential.

And it is important to remember to pat yourself on the back and remember the victories/positives you have done/achieved. We too easily focus on the negatives.

You asked was it something I did or was it just a bad match. I say it wasn't a perfect match and I did some things wrong. You said you can use relationships to become more 'asleep'/unconscious in your life, or to bring you to consciousness, or 'presence'. That is certainly true. I was using the relationship with her to run away from my responsibilities, to become more 'asleep'. While I will always cherish the great, sweet moments we had together, I use the break up as a lesson/reference to improve myself, as hard as it can be, and just get one step closer to my potential.

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"The strong did what they could and the weak suffered what they must." - Thucydides

I did ask her and I tried to get an answer in the moment, but she told me she wasn't sure herself. My previous relationship to this lasted over 2 years and I knew I felt even closer to my ex after some time than I did at the start, so I assumed, quite wrongly, that spending more time with this girl would sort out that 'lack of connection.'

Noted.

Yes, people keep mentioning that book. I will definitely get a copy.

Not the best. Losing your erection naturally tends to hit hard. (No pun intended). I also think all the porn I had been watching before the relationship also had a part to play. Though now I have cut most of it out of my life.

She knew I was sorry about it. And she was nice about it. To my face anyway.
I would say that covers a lot of it. Perceptive.
My mindset at the time was: birthdays are special/important and the fact that she didn't want to see me on the day/meet her father, meant she didn't care about me very much. I became insecure/angry.
Yeah, I've been striking out on dates with HB8s lately. Got makeouts but we never met up again. Before the girl we're discussing in this thread, dates went great. Sure, those dates were with HB7's and these days I'm dealing with 8's and 9's, but, you're right, inner work does need to be done.

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"The strong did what they could and the weak suffered what they must." - Thucydides

Not sure making women your focus is going to resolve anything.

Again, its the external seeking that's getting you into trouble.

Fix the inner, the outer will resolve itself, whatever that may be. If more guys realized this and did the work, forums like this wouldn't exist as there'd be no need.

You seem very experienced.

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"The strong did what they could and the weak suffered what they must." - Thucydides