As stated amongst the board, many of the guys on here are rehashing the same situation with a different girl. This post is aimed more towards the guys in failing relationships and those in them. This is preventative medicine and if your relationship is already crumbling this information might be best suited for the next girl. Here are the rules of a healthy relationship:

Many of these rules are compounding:

- There is no 'you' in 'we'.
When there is too much we, where you two don't have your own lives, and you don't have your own preferences, and you aren't living by your own terms because you are trying to be too approvable or too much like the other person and enjoy the other person then you lose yourself. It's important to be your own individuals and encourage that. So that the "we" can be more diverse, mysterious, spontaneous, and interesting. Focus on your own needs while attending to hers. You become too agreeable when you don't have your own goals and direction and motivations. That's why you have to lead. Lead your own life. She doesn't have to come too, but you can't stop your life because she doesn't.

Have options:
It's important to qualify and be around other people of the opposite sex. Not because you want to trade up or be a flirt, but because it keeps a healthy perspective on your relationship. Too much focus on your partner, too much pressure to make it work, and the need to fall in love head over heels come from only looking at your partner to satisfy your needs. It's unrealistic and puts tremendous dependence on them. To show yourself that you have other people that can meet your needs and that your girlfriend isn't the only person on earth that can satisfy you. The important thing is finding a girl who satisfies the important needs you can't satisfy with someone else when in an exclusive relationship like physical needs, excessive flirting, and romanticism to a high degree. This is true for your girlfriend. You don't have to satisfy all their needs but you must satisfy their sexual and emotional and romantic needs if you want them to stay exclusive. You don't have to be the end all be all of ability though. Leave that to other people as well to satisfy other needs as she needs other people in her life who serve a purpose also. Those who are nut cases will hate you for entertaining the idea of others. However, they are also too focused on you, and they will either grow to be more secure and trust you or they will murder you in your sleep. It's a great way to weed out the trouble makers.

- You come first
Love someone who you love yourself around. Accept that not everyone will like you all the time. The majority of reasons that you compromise your life for another person and conform to who they want you to be is because of the need to be liked. Satisfy that need yourself and don't depend on external validation. Again, if they don't like it, then cut your losses. Only minimal flexibility should be used to keep someone interested in who you are NOT.

- Trust her
Dare to find out if you can trust them. Give them free will. Let them make their own choices and you don't stop them from situations you find 'scary'. If she wants to go party or hang out with guy friends, it's her choice and it's on her to respect your relationship. Clinging to her or trying to avoid these situations or control her will never let you grow from insecurity. What's the worst that happens? You lose a cheating girlfriend who you couldn't trust anyways.

- Communicate regularly
Do not attribute your thoughts as her thoughts. The only way you can know is by asking. Many think negative insecure thoughts that trigger your attachment cycle which causes you to act to save the relationship which doesn't always have the response you like which makes you believe in your negative insecure thinking and it repeats. Communication is key because you two have to be on the same page. Without communication, little statements and sentences can be misconstrued and actions can be completely misinterpreted. Imagine making decisions on faulty information. It's like a map leading to a different destination than the one you want. Eventually you end up growing apart and resenting one another because you don't have the reassurance you need to feel safe. You need to make sure you check in when your thoughts start going astray. Eventually you'll realize your fucking crazy and you need more realistic thinking. Just kidding, but not really.

- Don't overgeneralize
Pick up is notorious for over generalizing situations where if a girl wants to do x or says x, then it means y. This is where communication will uproot many of the false assumptions that have been learned. Once again, don't react to something that hasn't happened yet. There's no reason you shouldn't trust her. The only reason you feel jealous or insecure or untrusting is because of the thoughts you have about what she might want or do in certain situations. Again, find out if you can trust her. You have to match your beliefs to the new situation rather than fitting your old beliefs to new situations. Just because ex girlfriend lied to you about going out to see her ex boyfriend doesn't mean your new girlfriend will. Just because pick up says that if she is distant doesn't automatically mean she is pulling out. Don't over generalize and get lazy. There are more reasons for behavior than one simple conclusion.

- Grow
Relationships grow and so do the people within them. It is important to continue to grow and not stagnate yourself. If your job offers you a promotion to a new state and you want it, do not give up your dream for her. If you follow the rules above, you won't fall into the scarcity thinking that causes this.

In the end, pick up is much more about being a man who lives by his own terms than about keeping women. The truth is that life drives people apart and that pick up says that you shouldn't hold on too tightly. Don't think just because you call yourself a "PUA" doesn't mean you have to make every relationship work for your own self-validation.

This is just a starter kit for many of you struggling in a relationship but some of you will find it invaluable.