Most of the guys struggling on this forum, specifically in this section have long since given up on themselves as having any intrinsic self-worth. Too many times (more than I care to count) do I find threads on 'winning her back', how to hold her interest, trying to change her or change FOR her, "she wants a break" and on and on.

Invariably in each situation it all comes back to the guy having invested in HER more than himself. And this is the root of the problem; trying to connect to yourself through someone else, to feed this hungry ghost whose appetitute can never be satiated. Yet most of you don't get it and are focused on treating the symptom rather than helping yourselves, to no surprise.

Take care of your investment issue, invest in yourself and out of that you will create abundance. Your mindset wont be contigent on any one girl saying "yes" or "no" to your advances. Why? Because you know there's another cutie around the corner who's probably even cooler than the one before her that you can create an opportunity with out of thin air. Mr. Opportunity, that's who you are. You doubt this fine. Instead fake it till you become it, pretend to be that Mr. Opportunity you've always wanted to be and watch the aperture on your world open up. You won't cling to unhealthy relationships - you'll qualify till you find somebody who is a good fit for you, rather than trying to smash a square peg into a round hole.

Until you learn this you'll be plagued to continue feeding the hungry ghost and living life through a narrow field of view, settling for whatever scraps you can get. And the worst part of it is you confirm your own belief that you are unworthy of love insofar as you can PLEASE another (which you can't anyway, part of the delusion). Beyond that, you end up diminishing what little self-esteem you had to begin with as you SACRIFICE (not compromise) yourself, your values and lifestyle to keep this person from leaving. Your mind is a camera, you can increase the aperature and widen the focus, or have it closed off and see things through a very finite and tiny field-of-view, your choice. Let your fears keep you confined within that space, or simply ACT in spite of them (you'll never fully extinguish fear, but you can befriend it and through experience learn to push forward in spite of it).

Some of you will be shooken out of your doldrums when you've finally had enough, others will continue on like this for the rest of your days until your time here ends. Wouldn't you rather engineer your success in life rather than be a dandelion in the wind? It really does come down to choice.

Excellent post. Its good that you said it in its own thread because most responses will end up being "I get what you are saying but..." and the guy will try to wait for the answers that he wants to hear

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Very good post. It's true. It's the same scenario in several different forms. In the end, abundance thinking is a scary thought for many because it doesn't seem like a reality. Trading up is real. Both for men and women. They just conducted studies proving that YOUR attractiveness to your partner is dependent on the company she keeps and how you compare to them as an ideal partner. The more women you keep company with, and qualify, and test, the more you will realize that many women meet your needs. When you become too fixated on one person, and you fear losing them by playing the field, the more desperate you become. If you had one life raft, and you feared losing it and drowning, then you'd feel desperate. If you had a yacht, next to your current life raft, you'd feel much more confident about leaving the life raft. Investing in yourself is a paradox. You feel like if you take your eye off the ball, you might miss the signs of whether she might leave you, or be with someone else, or be less attracted, etc. Well, if she's keeping her eyes on YOU, and seeing you being successful, and self-reliant, then you can be much more confident she'll stay involved with you.

Great post N2.

Sadly I feel that most of these guys are beyond helping.

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I share the same cynicism, though if 1 or 2 get through that's a success in my book.