I saw the warning signs coming but I would have never expected it 2 weeks before it happened. I wasn’t quite sure whether to write about this or not, being myself busy doing other things and moving on with my life. 8 days later she broke the no contact and send me a message. Details below in second post.

It might be a long post but I like being analytical with raw information and facts.

Details:
- I am 30 years old, she is 26 years old Asian and both working in a Middle East country. Note that the nature of the country is that people come and go often which probably makes it more difficult to form serious relationships.

- We had been dating for around 2.5 -3 months and she was mostly all over me, with affection, occasionally suffocating me with kisses, stroking my arms, asking on text messages “where are my kisses”, making remarks how sweet I am when I did certain things and giving me small gifts almost every time we met and great sex. I never needed to initiate it, she was initiating all the time and loved to please me.
- She was complimenting me about how well I fuck her and how she loves my dick. She loved to be dominated and had rough sex fantasies. She is the first girl I had that was having multiple orgasms the one after the other.
- In my mind I could feel that I could get away with almost anything and that she wouldn’t ever leave me. Regardless I was very good and sweet to her, showed my affection (perhaps less than her)
- After first month of dating she was asking me playfully to go to an island for holidays but I believed it was too early to make a promise to her and did not confirm that we would do that and kind of ignored it.

- Never had the talk of define the relationship.

- We are both big fans of fresh spinach and she was always buying for me during her trips and cooking it together. I have noticed, this is the “anchor” word or subject that she uses frequently to get in touch with me after long silence or distress.

- She got upset easily over silly text messages taking it seriously while I was making fun. Really immature and sensitive on her behalf now that I read back the conversation. I wasn’t giving in to her bullshit that she was being mad over that and gave her no response ignoring her as a form of punishment until she texted 2 days later.
- Even though she is 26 she is sometimes acting very childish, like a 7 year old.

My thoughts here is where to draw the line with punishment? Some guys are very vocal supporters of punishing women for bad behavior by ignoring them and that is what I also sometimes implement. On the other hand continuous punishing is not a measure for good long term success. It is rather a tool for being in control. An effective one though. What you need is communication and understanding but that also has a fine line if you try to reason all the time with your girl.


- She saw a nightmare that I was fucking her “sister” (she doesn’t have a sister).

- Texting incident 2 (beginning of April): She texted after she had been sleeping for more than 12 hours and I told her to do some exercise since the batteries were charged. She asked what exercise, I said squats, legs etc. Few hours later when I asked her to go out with me, she declined saying that she ‘ll stay home for exercise cause someone reminds her that she is fat, I explained that I didn’t mean that but irrespective everyone needs exercise. She said she was not on a good mood to go out and I replied “as you wish”. She texted me later to go and collect in the next 2 days the spinach she bought for me. I went out with friends, came back home and while I was asleep she texted me at 04.00am “I ‘m not really happy about what you said and it is the second time you said sthng that I don’t feel good about..” went on to write two paragraphs and then… “well, I had a really good time with you but if you think I am not good enough, maybe you should find someone else who is better than me.. and I don’t feel comfortable to wear swimming suit in front of you because I will keep thinking to what you have told me etc etc..”

I saw it in the morning and replied “ Oops, didn’t know you were that sensitive about this matter since you already have a sexy body, I was making a light hearted banter and I didn’t realize you took it so seriously.. etc etc”.
Then she sent me an old picture and I found out that she was overweight and unattractive as a teenager, which made her insecure about her self-image. Later on I picked her up, went home, cooked , had lots of sex.

In the following one month everything mostly was great but the following small things happened:

- She was giving me small bags with certain gifts or food stuff every time I was picking her up and in two different occasions she didn’t mention that she had frozen or cold food inside (like steak). We were out for 1.5 hours -2 hours instead of going straight to my home and when I found out about the food staying in the car for so long, I asked her quite annoyed why she didn’t tell me and she didn’t like my reaction even though she didn’t tell.

- INCIDENT No.1: We went out to eat on an Asian night with lots of sushi, Two days later, I happened to find her profile on facebook (we are not friends) and checking through the posts I saw that the night before she was out in a restaurant eating sushi at a certain fancy area little bit far away and she never mentioned anything about it. I told her about it on the phone and she gave the excuse that she didn’t want to “disappoint” me that is why she never said anything... which I didn’t really buy.

- 01 May: I organized Easter dinner for the two of us.

- Gave her a new toothbrush to use in my place: she commented something in the lines “it was about time, you decided to give me after all”

- 06 May: She came back from a flight, told her that I wanted to go out and eat something but she had some chores to do and didn’t give me definite reply when she would finish, so I got my own food by the time she replied. At the supermarket I got steaks and spinach for the two of us to cook in the next day. She suggested to cook some shrimp salad which I said I didn’t like and she was being childish voice messages “you don’t like anything.. I don’t like you..” No conversation

- 07 May: I texted her in the afternoon. “alive?” and then called her 3 times inbetween 17:30 – 19:00 before I left work so that I could pick her up and cook as we said. She never answered and the third phone call was rejected. I was quite pissed off.


- 08 may: INCIDENT 2: Next day afternoon. She texted me “spinach?” and me being quite upset and emotional that she disappeared, my old insecure self resurfaced and I went on a long message angry rant about how I bought and marinated the steaks for us and she ignored and rejected my calls while I skipped the gym to have more time with her.. Not cool.

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She replied ” do whatever you suppose to, not gonna change your life”.
Me: “I don’t get you, yeah I was upset”
Her: “why suddenly, normally you will still go to the gym till late”
Me: “I wasn’t yesterday to have more time to cook with you”
Her ”Not gonna change anything though. Thanks for the steak btw.”
Me: “Something you want to tell me?”
Her “ Nah, everything is fine”
Me: “I m not stupid. Something is up and I know it’s not me or don’t think it is anything I did. So be fair and honest. Cause this out of the blue is not fair for me”
Her “what do you want me to say. Nothing is fair”
Me: “ true. I ‘ll ask you a couple of questions you ll be honest? Were you seeing someone here or long distance?”
Her “lol, you saw my post, not talking about myself”
ME “ I had this idea long before actually”
Her “ why? and why do you care”
Me: “Since you left few months back and you were visiting (country)…… quite often (because of work) it wasn’t improbable. Allright just wanted to say what is in my mind”
Her “after few months later, you could just say it at the time”
Me: “I tried to figure it out. Now I asked.”
Her “with your stupid detective work (spy emoticon)”
ME “ cause out of the blue you disappeared and when this happens something is going on. Suddenly you made a shift. You feel that I don’t care and you decided to hold back”
Her “ Well ,at first I don’t know what you want from me. Yeah maybe you don’t”
Me: “what made you think that?
Her “second you get upset easily. Which I did not say but I feel it”
Me “ No not really, only yesterday actually. Whatever texting I had sent you so far I m joking. I was never upset (I meant in the past).
Her: “Sometimes you are just too picky which I couldn’t understand. There are few times I remember. Like arguing about frozen food and all those”
ME “aa yeah, you are right about that.
Her “I didn’t say I m right. Just the way you talk to me”
Me: “maybe my appreciation wasn’t shown that time. No I said you are right to remind me about that. Last week I did the Easter dinner for you. I wouldn’t have done it”
Her “really appreciate that”
Me: “Ok I ‘ll not continue the topic what each one of us did. You did a lot for me every time as well. So thanks for all these I appreciate it. Are you free tonight?”
Her “till midnight”
Me “ Ok spinach will be handy. I didn’t cook the steaks yet.
Her” Not enough time. cook for your (women emoticons)””
ME “ someone is jealous of my imaginary girlfriends. Ok as you wish”


Then exchanged couple more messages.
I called her to talk when leaving work she asked me “are you coming to pick me up” We eventually went to my home and cooked the previous day steaks. In the car she was a little bit quiet and cold but after we went home she started being very affectionate kissing me while I was cooking. Later grabbed my dick, giving me a mini blowjob in the kitchen while my SPAM was in the room. We ate and had sex. Took her back home later.
She texted “If you think I had a boyfriend why do you hang out with me? Weird.. “I told her to forget about that and if something bothers her to tell me.

Question is: Why would she be really affectionate when she had been distant just earlier? Is she acting passive aggressive?

In the next few days she was not really responsive via texting”. At some point she said “something is on my mind. Things have changed if you noticed.”

15 May - 17th May: Over messages she asked me if I wanted to come over to her house for yogurt on the 17th. Then she said 16th is good too. I called her in the evening and she didn’t answer. I texted her the next day. Was not super responsive. Talked on the phone late at night and said about cooking on the next day 17th,. She said that she was going out the next day and that she told me that I should have come instead the same day that she told me. I called on her bullshit that she was not specific and did not even answer my phone the previous day. She was at the mall with colleagues.
On 17th I asked her to cook for me on the following day. In her underwear.
Her “ I am on period”
ME: “doesn’t need to have sex”. But you ll turn me on though..
Her: “How many days”
Me: “for?”
Her: “Sex. How many days for you?”
Me “when did we last meet. Last Sunday”
Her: “how about your “5 x female emoticons”
Me: “how about your “5 x male emoticons”..
Me: “I had sex inbetween… with my hand”
Then sent some other text messages.

Later that evening when she was supposed to be out I replied to an earlier message of hers and I asked her what she is doing. Did not get a reply.

18 may afternoon she sent: “You‘ve been nice to me and thanks for that. I want a break.”

Replying immediately anything might be emotional and would not be for my benefit. Was thinking never to reply back. After 5 hours I chose to respond in the most decent way.
“I‘ve been nice to you, you were nice to me too. Could feel lately that something was going on .You became distant while I wanted to connect with you more. I cannot keep reaching to bring someone closer if they feel otherwise. It takes two to tango. Wish you well..”

I feel I was dealing with a very sensitive, insecure person that needed reassurance from me and thought I was being insensitive to her feelings? Did she think that I was not taking her seriously? Maybe. I do not have any solid fact that she was thinking otherwise about me though. The moment I acted insecure and angry in those 2 separate instances she backed away and I don’t blame her.

After 8 days she texted me today at 5am in the morning that “they have spinach in …supermarket…., $3 per pack”. I did not reply back yet. This is the anchor point I have talked about. the spinach.

I put 1 + 1 +1 +1 together and it might make sense that she is seeing some guy who is living in the fancy area of the sushi restaurant:

- Specific supermarket chain has 3 outlets in town. 2 of them are in the same fancy area where she had sushi and she never told me about. Googled it and discovered that there is one more at a mall which seriously no one knows about it and she never goes there anyway.
- The fancy area is quite far from her place, it is nice but there is absolutely no need to go there unless she is meeting someone who is living there. She doesn’t drive herself and a taxi ride all the way there is quite expensive. So she must have gone there last night.

I remember once that she made the remark that I was too smart and would probably figure out if my partner was cheating.

I am not planning to reply until I get a second emotional text message. Do I give her the benefit of doubt? I know I can fish the answer to confirm if my suspicions will be true but I don't know if I should really bother.

You know she's hiding something and doesn't want to tell you. If she is being like that then she isn't worth your time.

In all honesty, I think she was trying pushing you away until she realized that you were going to keep trying to fix things. The reason she was trying isn't really important. The thing you have to understand is that most male and female dating process is temporary and is over in a few weeks or months and it's no ones fault. Don't worry because there is always going to be the next girl.

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mpuaforum.proboards.com

Mate, funny enough I actually recognize this personality trait(im in it right now, in fact in about same age as well).

Let's be 2 guys considering this. I don't like where it leads and you know that as well. Some guys call it insecurity, I call it gut feeling. Trust on that, it's not that like sensetivity should play any role in this case.

It's more like a girl, who don't know what she wants. That is why, I always prefered mature woman(thou, it's not about age, but experience).

Ask her about her past. I presume, that she has a fling of relationships, people she "loved", that lasted from 3 weeks to 12month tops(until the honeymoon is over), after that no commitment, because "men"(and you just joined that club).

Just go out and start dating. Don't be dependent. It always ends where it must, no matter effort.

Yes, you are absolutely right. She was hiding something from me and I figured it out. Of course I understand that dating with people is temporary and things just happen, one of the two loses interest and they think they can get better. If they are insecure and mostly women do that, they stay in the relationship unless it is so bad that they definitely leave. If it just boring then they wait until they find someone "better".

I did nothing wrong actually and the "insecurity" I said about it is actually expression of my frustration when I could tell that something was not right. So my gut feeling works just fine. I am now 1000% she has found someone else and I got one more obvious clue when I again checked on her fb profile where she posts on public and anyone can see. When she was dating me she occasionally put pictures of food on the table and part of conversations with me, which seemed funny or weird, and these could be translated to English. So now I have my answer.

Great sex is not enough. Even if you are giving her multiple orgasms that is not enough alone by itself to keep her with you. She wouldn't leave just like that because I am also caring and good to the people I am dating.

Thinking about relationships, a woman who makes a conscious decision to leave you will do it for one of these primary reasons:

1) It was never serious and they are just looking around.
2) They think you are not good enough for them and they can get someone better.
3) Not emotionally healthy or mature and cannot stay with one partner for too long.
4) They are not attracted to you anymore.
5) Both partners emotionally healthy and loyal but not compatible and clashing of personalities.
6) They love you but do not get what they want from you: e.g. a serious relationship or commitment.
7) You are good and compatible but you cheated on her. Most likely they won’t leave you but it will be like hell.
Long relationship and love each other but eventually discover that you want different things in life and you both agree to leave.

So I would say this case is the first three above.

I have a feeling she will at some point try to come back and if that happens for sure I will definitely not take her back as a girlfriend but being realistic I might have trouble to resist fucking her or just having sex if I am not seeing someone else seriously. I will again be realistic and say that a month before I wasn't either too sure that I could be in a very serious relationship with her that would have lead to marriage let's say but who knows. The way she left me though bothered me though.

One of my buddies said that his personal impression about me without knowing all the details is that I might be coming across as “soft” in my relationships. This makes it easier for some women to slip. I am convinced that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me, we all have our flaws, I am a great guy.

I have both changed my mindset about break ups and also conditioned my self mentally to be stronger and moving on after a few bad experiences.

Last week I came up with these questions to my self :
1) Am I capable of maintaining a long and healthy relationship without being too boring, predictable?

99% of the relationships at some point become boring and predictable. You stay in the relationship because you nurture for what you have with each other.

2) Are the circumstances of the country I live in and the girls I am dating (flying attendants with many options in men) difficult in the first place so that a relationship is maintained?

Yes, that is also an important factor. Women that are here temporarily, 2 years, 3 years, 5 years, they do this to travel the world and gain new experiences. Even if they are emotionally healthy, the temporary nature of the country and the career keeps it all in a different perspective.