Is her ex still in the picture? She hides photos of us on FB



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PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2016 1:34 pm 
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The way you tell the story, I'm seeing her trading mediocre sex for mediocre dinner fwb thing.

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2016 2:02 pm 
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The way you tell the story, I'm seeing her trading mediocre sex for mediocre dinner fwb thing.
What do you mean?


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2016 2:23 pm 
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I feel like its fucked up but at the same time it provides her with the emotional rollercoster that girls crave, otherwise it would be boring for them.
Fucks sake, where the fuck do you guys get these ideas? Seriously? That's legit one of the most stupidest things I read around here, right up there with "hug close".
Christ.

OP I told you from the very first posts on this thread that you're being overly optimistic thinking this girl is taking you seriously.
Also, yes, you are jealous. Personally I don't understand why you'd get worked up over her liking a picture on facebook, but given all the other things she's doing, yeah, it's somewhat understandable. What is not understandable however, is why you're being complacent in this situation.

She hides you from her friends.
She hides you from her family (i.e. deletes an entire album off one comment, lol).
The ex situation is obviously bothering you.
etc

And don't get me wrong OP, you have faults of your own. Aside from the stupid belief that women need emotional rollercoasters to be happy, you don't have a job. I don't care if you're a Masters student. You're a 24-ish years old grown ass man. Get a damn job. I'm a Masters student too. I also work.

Point is, you need to get your shit together. You also need to get rid of this girl, because she obviously doesn't value you much. Part of which is your fault, but part of it is also hers.
How to get rid of her in a nice way leaving the door open for something in the future? I think we like each other a lot but its probably not the best moment to be together for either of us: her because she's maybe not over her ex like you said in your first post or not emotionally available yet and me because I need to find a job.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2016 4:09 pm 
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You got advice to walk away months ago when she lied to you. Look, the optimistic in me will say hey maybe she's not hung up on her ex... Maybe she just doesn't want people to know she's moved on so fast. But even if that is the case the chick should've told you that and not lied to you. You really want to entertain the possibility of a future with this chick when she's already started it lying? If you're dating a girl and you see she can lie to you and hide shit easily like that its a red flag. Whatever the case whether it's she's hung up on her ex or shes not serious about you or she's taking it slow or she's a private person... The chick is shady. You're a needy guy don't get me wrong but she's shady and keeps giving you excuses. At a certain point when you get a bunch of bs you gotta just say ok fuck it and move on.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2016 4:50 pm 
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You are creating your own false dilemma, by wrongly perusing something you don't want, because you feel it's easier than nutting up enough to step out of your fuzzy warm shit stained comfort zone.

You have other options, likely right in front of you, but you choose to play it safe, and wear your blinders.

Even as far as turning a blind eye to the other meat sacks she's fucking. Your sooo nice:
Quote:
How to get rid of her in a nice way leaving the door open for something in the future?
Just stop calling and texting her, she'll dry up like those Kleenex under your bed.

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2016 7:17 am 
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How to get rid of her in a nice way leaving the door open for something in the future? I think we like each other a lot but its probably not the best moment to be together for either of us: her because she's maybe not over her ex like you said in your first post or not emotionally available yet and me because I need to find a job.
Leave the door open for a girl that hides you from everyone in her life? Why? She may like you a lot, but she doesn't like you enough. That or she's incapable of moving her life forwards due to her own insecurities or whatever. Either way that's no recipe for a healthy relationship. Not now, not later.

You don't have to be an asshole about you it. You just have to be sincere. Everyone has needs. She's not meeting yours. Plus you have shit to work on and her shady behavior does nothing but impede you.

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2016 1:10 am 
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UPDATE 3: -IT ENDED, LESSONS LEARNT-
We met for the second time after she had come back from vacation and I could notice she was distant. We were laying in bed and any attempt to sexually escalate by my part was met with complete coldness by hers (clear sign it was over).
I said things didnt seem ok between us and I followed R.C's advice and told her everything I thought in a sincere way (about her ex situation, her hiding me and giving shit excuses, etc.). She said she was never 100% sure that I was what she wanted, while also denying that her ex had anything to do with this, but I could clearly see when I mentioned the ex thing that she was affected by it (her voice changed, she looked down while talking..). She also said that we didnt do anything now(going out to places), only in the beggining. (Last places we went it was me that had the plan, she could have easily proposed doing something if this was an issue for her)
Later this day and by text, she told me she couldnt have lived with my pickiness, narcisism and lazyness AND she also confessed (because I asked her to tell the truth) that she saw her ex for 5 minutes "to say hi" while on vacation and that it made her think and realize that I wasnt what she was looking for. Lots of things going wrong suddenly now that I bring up the talk uh? Only God knows how much longer she could have continued our relationship without saying a word about any of this.
**My conclusion after all this is that you guys were right and I was most likely a REBOUND, a way of making her feel good and avoid the pain of the breakup with her ex. Signs it was a rebound:
-Not enough time had passed after her breakup for her to properly heal, she wasnt ready for something new. After a +2 year LTR, she needed at least 5 months to heal. We started while she was still living with her ex, although thei relationship was over, according to her.
-She most likely never cut things off completely with her ex despite promising me she had when we started. Otherwise he wouldnt have been since August liking all her fb photos, and also talking "once in a while to catch up" as she recently told me. She also still had all the photos of them together on her facebook (kissing, etc).
-She hid me from everyone in her life, friends, family, most likely ex boyfriend...never a good sign.
-Lack of comitment. She hinted she wanted something serious but never actually accepted my early proposal of being bf-gf, nor proposed after that. We were always "knowing each other".
-Meeting mostly at my place and for sex and never holded hands in public. Acting like a friend when we went out with my friends (because I never actually met hers).

I ignored all these signs thinking that "my case was different" when it clearly wasnt. I was most likely used to get over the breakup with her ex and now that she was feeling good and she got rid of me indirectly by acting shady (forcing me to break up), she could go back with him.
Never ignore the red flags and your gut feeling guys, NEVER!


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2016 2:12 am 
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I certainly did look very rebound-like. I think you knew this, just a matter of trusting your gut next time instead of wasting your time and energy, Lesson learned.


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2016 10:49 am 
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Glad you learned something from this dude. Well done.

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There's no such thing as shit-tests.
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2016 4:15 pm 
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Never leave the door open for a girl who perpetually waivers on whether she wants a relationship with you or not.

Either shit or get off the pot.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2016 4:33 pm 
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You are a rebound boy and she used you.
Just have fun with her and be sure that this will end soon

Anyway you have nothing to lose, get experience and sex


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2016 6:16 pm 
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Quote:
You are a rebound boy and she used you.
Just have fun with her and be sure that this will end soon

Anyway you have nothing to lose, get experience and sex
Nothing to lose? He's clearly attached, you can't just reverse from C to A it doesn't work that way when your hearts involved. So a FWB is out of the question for him, unless he wants to experience more pain.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, 2016 12:28 am 
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Yeah, this is the bad thing....

But here we have a rebound, she is clearly in Love with her ex .


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