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Within the first 3 months of our open relationship, her and i had sex about 8 times. She told me after the 8th time that she didn't think we had sexual chemistry, and that she didn't crave sex with me. (I understood that this was most likely because of my inexperience.) We stayed extremely close still.
I loved the motivation that this ordeal gave me, and read up on books, stopped watching porn, masterbaited way less.
Then month 4 came, and i was way more in-tune with the bedroom. I still have a lot to learn, but we talked, and decided to give sex another go.
This time, i made her orgasm orally before we had sex. First time i had ever done that. Then tried more rough sex which she loved. All of the sudden 1 week later we Boyfriend and Girlfriend. (We have a great connection, sex was the biggest reason we were not dating i assume) Now, she tells me how she craves it with me.
That's great how you acted on it and improved on something you knew you were inexperienced. When she openly told you that she didn't crave sex with you, it is a huge blow to your esteem and that is usually the beginning of the end. I am surprised though that you did really continue dating for 4 months without sex. If it was an open relationship she might have gotten it from somewhere else in the meantime.
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So, now that this is my first relationship, i wanted some experienced advice of people who have a greater understanding than myself. How often would you guys say we should have sex? You may answer with something like, "how ever many times you feel like..." and if that's the case alright. I was just curious if there was anything more to it. Like if you believe to much sex can get boring, or not enough can strain a relationship etc,etc. Also curious on wether you guys think it's a good idea to turn it down when she wants it at times to keep her craving it or maybe for another reason? Thank you in advance for the advice, and reading my long paragraphs![/color]
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TLDR : How often should you have sex in a relationship / should you turn her down at times when she wants it to keep excitement?
Also, should you mix it up in the bedroom and do different routines?
Geez. Take this manipulating thought and throw it out of the window. If she wants sex and you want it too, then do it. No games. You will not achieve anything positive by that. She will probably feel it at some point and realize what you are doing. Ever considered that your "weapon" might backfire and that she reciprocates? Now, if you are genuinely tired or have some other important thing going on and you sincerely communicate that you do not want to have it right then, she would understand. Withholding it so that you feel in control and "increase her desire" is plain immature and stupid.
Sometimes too much sex can be monotonous. It can depend with the person you are doing it with. How sexy she is, how turned on you are by her body, sexuality etc. and vice versa. There is women you might want to have sex with all the time and you can be doing it 5-6 days in a row. There is women that you might not desire as much and twice a week might be sufficient. Sometimes, you can have mind blowing sex one a week and it could be enough to "carry you throughout the week" and be occupied with other parts of your life in the meantime. There is no one solution fits for all. There is plenty of information online on how to spice it up.
The desire for sex will always be there but have in mind that during a relationship it will definitely fluctuate. If it reduced to very rarely then this is a red flag. For men it can diminish through time if they find their partner physically unattractive. For women it will diminish mainly if you do not satisfy them, if she loses respect for you, do not satisfy her other needs etc.
A woman that is satisfied both in bed and outside will always crave it for you.
CHAT
