Actually she wrote me this morning first!

Hello! I am sorry that OTHER GUY tried to talk to you yesterday...it was not a good idea considering the level of drunkness...and I didn't tell him to do it! Sorry for that...

To which I answered the long message I wrote earlier.

So she took the initiative to message you and apologise, and you sent her the very same message you were going to send before she'd done so?

Calibrated stuff man

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If something's not fun, it's not worth doing

I just thought she should hear what happened as well as know that I didn't want anything to do with the guy. Sent the same message but finished by saying I know now that she didn't send me and that's cool.

Was the message shit a bit calibrated to the situation? I mean, that's what I felt telling her.

Jeez man...

This girl wasnt even your gf. All of this is too much for some chick you were banging. And common, was it really more than that when you were playing games and kissed someone else during the whole thing?

Even if she was your gf for a year...move on with your life. Fuck it, be single for a while. This is no special situation, people date at school and break up. You probably look so pathetic right now to everyone with all this extra stuff.

I'm not sure what you mean by that. But if she apologised, she was clearly already aware that her guy's behaviour was out of order and that you wouldn't have appreciated it. To then receive a message lecturing her about the very thing she'd already apologised for must have come across as both dickish and socially inept.

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If something's not fun, it's not worth doing

He was trying to send the message that her new guy is a problem, and that he wasnt afraid of him.

Does it really matter if it was officially my gf or not? Feelings were involved on both sides and it's obviously not "some chick I was banging" if you read the posts. I can understand my updates may appear annoying to some but there is no obligation to answer and especially no obligation to be a dick about it (I found the tone dickish and your comment not adding any value to the thread and forum in general. My bad if misinterpreted).

Well I wanted to tell her exactly what happened and that it was not ok and thawt I didn't want anything to do with that guy. In the end of the message I said now I know she isn't behind that and it's fine.

Later today she answered again sayin "As i said I am really sorry about what happened. It was not my intention and i didn't tell him to do it...but he is not mine to control... he won't do it again"
Didn't feel the need to answer that, she apologized for him, told me she didn't send him. I'm fine.
That's the idea yes. However it's true that my text can give space to thoughts like "she apologized and he still wants to talk to her and give her shit writing a long text describing the whole thing". The idea is just that he totally missbehaved, I didn't accept it and wanted to make clear that she knows what kind of douche he's been and that I don't want anything to do with him and he better not try to come too close again.

Today I also got invited to her bday party on FB (weird or normal?) with the usual 150 people she is organizing with a friend of hers through my contact. The whole school is gonna be there and I have nothing planned that night. Got mixed feelings about this..


Thanks for your comments guys, it's cool to have some outsider point of view and it's very relieving to be able to share my story (and hopefully soon-to-be progress!) "anonymously"
Best.

You're really putting yourself through a lot.

Is it really worth it?

What is it you're wanting (hint: it's not her)?

Hard to figure out where you're coming from here. Do you think he should have sent the message or not?

OP, I know what it's like when you sit there stewing about something and write out something that perfectly captures the anger and frustration or whatever you want to express. But the fact is, when that person initiates the conversation, you have to bin what you previously wrote and respond to what they've said. I'm not saying you have to immediately stop being angry when someone apologises. You can still say "yeah, it was pretty shitty" etc. But you still have to respond to what's been said and not revert to the script you wrote for how you would have wanted to start the conversation, ya know?

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If something's not fun, it's not worth doing

More often than not what you're suggesting isn't feasible, not unless that person's enemy image of the other has been dissolved

I think he shouldnt have sent it and agree with whats been said about that. I was saying he had an objective with his text beyond clarifying what happened, but to express things to change her mind.
But this WAS just a chick you were banging. You say "feelings" were involved. This was puppy dog, 17 year old high school "love." Because she's telling you what your kids would look like doesnt mean feelings were there. Both of you didnt even have strong enough feelings to be real with each other. You kissed another girl when things were "perfect." She met another guy. Both of you were in a psuedo "relationship" and neither knew what a relationship meant. If she had feelings she wont have fallen for some other guy. If she had feelings she wouldnt have needed verbal confirmation from you not to kiss or fuck someone else. If you really had feelings, you wouldnt have fought for her AFTER she was gone. You wouldnt have kissed someone else. This is all high school stuff. Reads like Twilight. Both of you were in this fairy tale for some months, neither knew or understood each other enough to be honest with each other. How strong is this connection, if time apart=neither can keep to yourself, and if a silly "title" isnt given, her legs open for someone else? Thats not even to be harsh man, thats just the truth.

The strength of your "connection" was shown when shit got uncomfortable for either of you. If you had feelings for her you'd have been honest. If she had for you, she would have stated her needs and feelings clearly. If shit was real, you wouldnt be kissing someone else at the height of the good. If shit were real, she wouldnt go setting up dates when with you. You really think a solid connection could be broken by a dude with that weak game of "he's not your bf"?!

It is what it is....a girl who foolishly thought of "kids" with a man who wasnt her bf after a couple months. She didnt even know you that well to at least understand why you were afraid to put pressure. So I have to state, either she didnt know you to understand your relunctance, or she knew and still didnt care at the end of the day. Pick one. Either one = it aint that serious.

So, for a "relationship" that ended over a "title" or some dude with the worst bf destroyer game ever, is it really that serious to have all this drama? It wasnt serious by the way you 2 acted, so why make it serious when it's over? Because she filled your head with these 16 year old girl dreams of kids? Because her words were serious in nature, but her actions weren't? Because your words were serious but your actions werent? I'm not even trying to be harsh, just being honest. This is some 16 year old "oh she was gonna be the mother of my kids" stuff and doesnt need all this extra stuff with who has to inform the other about a party. It was a nice fairy tale, but its over now.