haha, there should be a fancy terrible name for that drawn out BS staying past cessation point.

You don't sound like a jealous dude at all.

You just sound completely insecure about defending how you feel about this situation and then walking away from it if you guys can't come to terms. I don't know about the rest of the guys but I would never seriously date a girl that keeps a guy lingering around that she used to sleep with. He has to go or I will, theres no compromise, theres no if ands or buts on that particular subject. Ex boyfriends are always consciously or subconsciously trying to sabotage a woman relationship. There may be a rare instance in which this isn't the case, but that is not a chance that I'm even going to take. Men are territorial by nature.

So to be honest with; the fact that you're taking from this girl when it completely goes against what you think is acceptable speaks very lowly of you. Not to mention you're clearly jealous of the dude and intimidated by him since you're "downing" him and thats only going to make the girl more interested in him. So you're only hurting the relationship further by continuing to try convince her from the weak pussy stance that you're taking.

I know you don't want to leave her, because you think she'll probably just start dating this guy since she's been allowed to keep him around for so long, but thats something you're ego is just going to have to deal with. Let her go, let him have her(which he probably won't be as interested in her once she has no one anyway), do better for yourself, and never make this mistake again. Unless there is some consequence for not doing what you ask, why would she do what you ask? Theres no respect here.

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Doormat

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

I am not a doormat most of the time but then going along all of a sudden a doormatness seems to sneak into the mix and I am always caught of guard. I love my life, healthy, wealthy and winning in business and life but a girl comes along, who slowly starts acting a certain way and does something and while i am thinking about sex and focused on enjoying the new situation, all of a sudden I get this sick feeling like my integrity is draining away like sand and I am like WTF?? And then feel like I have to do or be something to cut that shit out. Is this common, for men who are habitually not doormats to slip into it now and then by a certain set of circumstances? Is anyone ever completely doormat free?

Women are 'Ninja envelope pushers' I think it's in their DNA or some shit. I think it arouses them to see how far you can go with something without getting caught/called out.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

This applies to most people, regardless of gender. Its inherent within human beings to reap the reward while they can, or put another way "get it while the gettin's good". Perhaps its a bit of a cynical outlook, but it does stand the test of self preservation which is, to a moderate degree, a useful trait.

Like I say, set boundaries or become a "nice dead person" (cr Marshall Rosenberg). In other words, be a person who puts others' needs ahead of your own, and both of you will pay the price in time. If you're allowing somebody to come into your home, so-to-speak, after having trampled all over your rose garden, chances are you have weak or no boundaries whatsoever and only taking personal accountability and decided to do something about it will change things.