Hey guys,

So I'm 27 and have been in 5 serious relationships (longer than 1 year).

My approach since always has been to lead the interaction into a relationship sooner rather than later. That's where I'm comfortable, and other than hookups a long term FWB has never been my thing.

This means I've started some relationships 1-2 months after meeting someone, and in hindsight that has been leading to some problems. In the beginning I have the jets on, I'm doing a lot of the things to lead her into a relationship regarding dates, planning, taking the lead, etc, while the girl is still figuring out how she wants to move forward, we transition into a relationship.

What happened in all those relationships is I hit a wall at about 9 months in, where you really get to know the person, and realize there are some traits that simply can't make that relationship long term, start losing attraction, etc.

The problem is 9 months in, emotionally after those realizations, I am where the girl was at the beginning of the relationship, and she's very attached now. Presumably these imbalances happen to you all at some point.

My questions are:

1) Does anyone else hit a wall where emotions just take a nose dive? Whether I like the girl a lot or less, it always happens.

2) In my experience it takes (me) this long to properly vet a girl whether it'll last, do you just "date" her/them for 9 months prior to transitioning into exclusivity? Do you hold back to not let it get too serious unless you're more sure of her long term potential?

3) How do you deal with the imbalances?

4) In hindsight I'm starting to realize that at the beginning of the relationship I did "all the work" compared to them, and never even allowed them to work for it. This has set a precedent in the relationship where she's not used to working for anything. A recent quote 4 months in was... "she:we haven't gone on a date in forever".."me: really, and when have you ever planned one"? Realize my approach at the beginning has probably led to this. My personality is a "do-er" type, where I plan and setup things, and this has never really allowed her to take charge in any aspect of the relationship.

Now, I'm expecting her to do things, however I set a poor precedent, and she's admittedly being hammered by her carreer.

Thoughts on how to communicate these realizations to the current partner, and how to modify the initial approach next time would be appreciated.

Sounds to me that 9 months if your "honeymoon period" is over sweet spot.

This is where relationships are made or broke. Looks really do go out of the window since you've probably witness her poo, fart and pick her nose

Humans weren't designed for this monogamy stuff though so you best at least be best friends when the honey moon period is over otherwise it's down hill

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USER HAS BEEN BANNED FOR REPEATEDLY IGNORING MOD WARNINGS AND MULTIPLE RULE VIOLATIONS

Had a good talk with someone: We are going throu phases(that is what relationship is). You can see it, just by looking at people and how the engage with each other over time. Honeymoon will diminish, because there is a purpose with this feeling, it gives you hope and feelings. People are having these feelings, so it can guide them into the next phase.

You really need to look at it this way: everything changes every month in your relationship. You just realize times change after 9months(in your case), the thing is, nothing will ever be the same. You must ask yourself, what's the next step or purpose in your life.

Just look at people and see how they are getting better together with time. They are moving together, having kids etc. If you don't have any purpose, then you are doomed, because: the wall=intentions that are not possible or unclear.