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Me and my girlfriend are together for year and three monthsas today, and it's already been six months that I am in the army and I only get to see her once in two weeks for a weekend.
Last Thursday I called her after two weeks we couldn't talk on the phone and we had a little fight over a bikini picture she uploaded on Facebook, a fight which I regret sincerely, I was a little doomed and unconfident after not seeing or hearing from her for so long, which is why I took that picture so badly.
You felt a lack of security in the relationship, for whatever reason; perhaps your intuition sensed something being amiss, or perhaps this is an issue simply of your own insecurities and you'd created this - tough to say from where I sit.
After the fight we talked a little bit and everything seemed to be fine, we enjoyed the conversation eventually and said how much we miss each other and talked about the things we were going to do when I come home on Friday (the day after).
So, I wake up on Friday's morning, leaving the base and turning on my phone, a text message says "Babe we need to talk". Sent at five AM and it was like six AM then, so I called her and she was still awake, she cried all night; she told me "we need to talk face to face", I told her I was nine hours away from home and I don't want to kill my mind thinking about it so she should tell me what is it, and she said she wants a time to think over things.
At this time I would tell her "I respect that, give me a call when you've figured things out." Nothing more, nothing less. If she's making a request for space so she can figure things out for herself, you need to respect that or u'll end up pushing her away.
I came home, she came over with her car and I told her to bring me my stuff, she brought it and parked up, we talked inside the car because she didn't want to come up, in short, we halfly broke up.
A hour later, when I was home, crying like a fucking child I said, "No. There's no way I am going to let it happen", and I drove over to her house without telling her, I just appeared, we talked, we really enjoyed being together, we kissed and hugged... But she still wants that time. She says she wants to work things with herself and that it's not only about me or our relationship, she says she loves so much and I know she does, we kissed once again and I went back home, agreeing about the break.
You're trying to FIX her; you CANNOT fix anyone but yourself. In fact trying to fix another is a selfish act in itself as you're disempowering/taking away their capacity for autonomy (to be able to fix their own problems). You need to learn to let well enough alone.
Today's morning I woke up and sent her a text message about giving it a shot, before I go again back to the army for two weeks or even more, I told her "Let's go out tonight for a movie, like back in the days........." but she still insisted that she needs time and that it's hard for her.
You're pushing, again. The more you push the more u'll make her decision for her. You are not respecting her needs. You need to take care of yourself, and YOUR needs while unhinging yourself from trying to be her problem-solver and/or forcing the relationship to continue. The VIBE should be "Looks like you've got a lot on your mind. Figure your stuff out, I got a lot of stuff going on in my life so when you get there lemme know" (don't actually say this, this is what you're sub communicating through your behavior). Gotta be willing to walk, always. That IS the mindset of the superior man.
If you're still here, reading the thread and you have hard-won experience of this kinda things, help me man, I am doomed, I love her so much and I need her love to survive what I am going through in my training, please, I'm drenched in pain.
Again, you're asking us to help you FIX things. There is nothing TO fix. The more you try to fix the more controlling u'll appear to her. You need to accept things as they are and allow her to come to you out of her own agency/free will not because you've said the right thing or whatever. Work on yourself, let her be. If it was meant to be she will come back with stronger feelings for you. If not, then clearly she wasn't the woman for you all along.
CHAT
